My husband gave me a sexual challenge that makes my skin crawl. We’ve always had a nice marriage, but to be honest I am terrified: saucy secrets

Dear Jana,

I am 34, engaged with a great guy, and live what looks like a photo-perfect life.

But here is the truth: I can’t stop cheating. It started as a one-night stand on a girl’s trip. You know the exercise, champagne, outside the city, bad decisions. I felt terrible … for a minute.

But then it became a sensation. Since then I have slept with a colleague, my ex and (this is really bad) our broker while I was at home.

I don’t do it because I want to leave my fiancé. I really love him. But I feel alive when I sneak. And nobody suspects anything because I play the sweet fiancé so well.

I tried to stop, but the second things feel everyday, I notice that I have the next high pursuit.

Am I just broken? Or are some people not built for monogamy?

Bad fiancé.

Best bad fiancé,

This will make me wild unpopular, but … I understand.

As much as society loves tut-tut with unfaithfulness, the truth is that many more people would do it than would admit.

But here is the annoying unsexy truth: cheating often ends in a disaster.

And believe me, your day of settlement is coming. I had friends who thought they were meticulous about treating their tracks. One was caught because she had unlocked her phone after a few wines and fainted next to her boyfriend. The other was caught when a condom covers fell out of her handbag.

It is always unraveled.

Now I think there are three possible reasons that you are so reckless with your cheating …

1. Self-sabotage. If all goes well, you start hunting chaos. Why? Because it feels more familiar. It’s less about sex, more about shaking things before someone else does it for you.

2. Sex addiction. Yes, it’s real.

3. Low self -respect. This is a classic. Every new slope gives you a temporary ego -boost – that beautiful hit of ‘I’m Still Desiable’ that feels especially good when real life starts to feel a bit beige.

So are you broken? No. But you certainly avoid something much deeper than a boring Thursday evening with your fiancé. It’s time to ask yourself some difficult questions.

What do you try to escape from? And what would happen if you let someone keep someone from the messy, restless, exciting parts of you without betraying them?

Just don’t wait until you get caught to start the healing. Sort it.

Dear Jana,

My friend begged me for months to try three. I finally deposited, but then said that we had to have a ‘Devil’s three’. You know, two boys, one girl.

So we got his three way out of the way (of course he thought it was great) and then it was my turn. We invited one of his friends and they both had their bad way with me. Delicious!

The problem is Since then I have not been able to stop thinking about the other man. We secretly started texting each other and now I wonder if I might want to be with him.

Did I exceed a line? Or have I just discovered who I actually want to be?

Man Sandwich.

Dear man sandwich,

I can tell you exactly what happened. You are colored. Hypnotized by the D. and just let me say, this is the reason that trio is a Helluva gamble.

Everyone talks about it as if it is a nice profession to check on your list of sexual bucket, but this is what they don’t tell you: sometimes the host steals the show.

As much as some of us like to pretend that we are all mature, safe and not at all jealous when it comes to kinky things, is the fact that we ultimately compare ourselves.

And comparison is the thief of joy.

Whether it is about the size, endurance or a new movement that curls your toes – these things are usually a bit of regretting couples who once invite a third party in the bedroom.

You are now submitted in dark waters. Your boyfriend allowed you one night of passion, and now you text the other man behind his back. That is Emotional false mirror area and I expect you to know this.

The real question is: if this other man was enough to turn your head, what does that say about your current relationship?

Here is your homework: write a list of advantages and disadvantages about your relationship – not while you play that wild evening in your head, but if you think clearly.

Ask yourself honestly: were you fulfilled for the three? Or has this just revealed what you have pushed?

Dear Jana,

My husband and I have a pretty tough sex life, and I thought I was everything he was … until he admitted that he was called in by the idea that I was seducing my boss.

As specific Mine boss.

Now, for context, we sometimes like to set sexy challenges for each other. Once I saw a woman who gave him the look at a nightclub, so I told him to flirt with her and see where it goes … you know, things like that.

Well, now my husband has given me very specific instructions to introduce my boss and, if he bites, you go completely.

I laughed at it first … But the way my boss acts around me gives me a pretty good idea that he would be ready. And now the idea makes me strangely excited.

Is this completely insane?

Tot-Boss-or-not-to-Boss

Best forest-or-not-to-Boss,

Is your husband in a little cuckolding … or is he pimping you out to get a wage increase? Talk about a modern relationshipilemma!

Your sexy challenges sound fun by the way. So perhaps in the context of what sounds like a soft swinging marriage, his ‘task’ is not entirely out of nowhere for you.

After all, many men fantasize that their wives are intimate with someone else, and then come home and share all the boring details.

But I wonder why he wants you to have specific sex with your boss.

Now I hate to sound like Karen van HR, but bosses are not only random flirty men.

They are bound by your income and your professional reputation. If it goes to the south, you not only appeal to a bad connection, you navigate clumsy meetings, team wroddels and possibly a real risk for your career.

Not to mention all your colleagues that you have cheated on your husband to make your way on the business ladder (although it was his idea in the first place!)

So what to do? Here is my suggestion: play with the imagination at home. Role play it. Dress as if you were on your way to an ‘execution review’ in a sexy secretarial skirt and give your boyfriend the steaming debrief that he dreams of.

You can lean in the nod without putting your job at stake.

Or go to a bar and go on with other guys for him. That might as well work. It certainly sounds like what he keeps.