My wild spending left me £60,000 in debt. My husband went white when he found out.
CHARLOTTE Mather, 44, works as a hypnotherapist and lives in Nottinghamshire with her husband Jason, 44, who works in IT for the NHS, and their children Erin, 19, and Alex, 18.
Here she tells how her ADHD spending habits left me £60,000 in debt – and how she got out of trouble.
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I met my husband Jason in high school. We started dating at 16 and at 18, while I was working in an administrative job and Jason was training to be an electrician, we rented our first house together. I was responsible for the money from the beginning.
Jason wasn’t keen on spending a lot of money, but I didn’t hesitate to use credit cards, extend my overdraft for nights out, or apply for a store card to buy clothes.
We got engaged in 1998 and in 2002 I realised we were £15,000 in debt. It was a huge shock, especially for Jason, but he was supportive.
It was difficult to use a debt management program that would allow us to pay off the debt without incurring more debt.
We only spent £2,000 on our wedding in 2004, and when Erin was born in 2005, followed by Alex in 2006, we bought everything second-hand. We were finally debt-free in 2007.
Within a few months I had spent £7,000 on my Next card, and the debt continued to grow.
Charlotte Mather
Then in 2008 we bought a £175,000 house and I couldn’t stop shopping: beds, sofas, appliances.
Within a few months I had spent £7,000 on my Next card – and the debts were still mounting. All my bad habits were back and, just as before, Jason thought everything was fine.
I jumped from job to job and in 2016 I found myself in financial services, where I was earning £100,000. I could have used that salary to become debt free, but instead I kept spending money.
I hated my job and shopping became my outlet and way to keep in touch with colleagues.
I couldn’t go on holiday without another one booked – cruises, trips to the Caribbean, France, Tunisia… It felt like the only way to keep the buzz going and avoid the emotional crash.
I always wanted to start my own business and besides my work I tried my hand at e-commerce and eyebrow tattooing.
They were costing me money and getting me nowhere. In 2017 I was even more miserable and my debts were piling up. I told myself it was fine because I was meeting the minimum monthly repayments of £800.
In the winter of 2017 I realized that I had lost control over my spending and I went to the Mind, Body, Spirit Festival. I thought that maybe I would find something there that would make me feel happier.
I was angry, defensive and resentful
There I saw a booth about hypnotherapy. I was fascinated by the mystical side of it, but also by the science behind it. It felt like a light went on.
I discovered that I could train as a hypnotherapist for £2,000, but I knew I had to tackle my debts first.
How to Reduce the Cost of Your Debt
IF you have a lot of debt, it can be very worrying. Here are some tips from Citizens Advice on how you can take action.
Check your bank balance regularly – Knowing your spending habits is the first step to managing your money
Calculate your budget – by writing down your income and leaving out your essential bills, such as food and transportation
If you have money to spare, plan ahead what else you will spend or save. If you don’t, look for ways to reduce your expenses.
Pay off more than the minimum – If you have credit card debt, try to pay off more than the minimum amount on your credit card each month to reduce your bill faster.
Pay off your most expensive credit card early – If you have more than one credit card and cannot pay them off in full each month, give priority to the most expensive card (the card with the highest interest rate)
Prioritize your debts – If you have multiple debts and you can’t pay them all, it’s important to prioritize them
Your rent, mortgage, council tax and utility bills should be paid first, as the consequences can be more serious if you don’t pay.
Ask for advice – If you are struggling to pay your debts month after month, it is important that you seek advice as soon as possible, before they pile up even further.
Groups such as Citizens Advice and National Debtline can help you prioritise and negotiate with your creditors to offer you more favourable repayment plans.
It was disgusting to add up the £60,000 in credit cards, store cards, loans and overdrafts.
When I told Jason, he turned pale and wanted to know how it happened.
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At first I was angry, defensive, and resentful—especially when he took control of our finances and forced me to account for all my spending—but deep down I knew it was necessary.
I had created this mess. For the first time ever I was making a food budget, doing my own hair, buying clothes on eBay and paying off at least £2,000 of my debt every month.
I stayed in my £100,000 job while training to be a hypnotherapist in my spare time. In August 2020, I was finally able to pay off my debts – and hand in my notice period so I could start my new career.
It was a great feeling, but I kept struggling with the urge to spend money.
I signed up for the neurodiverse app Mad About Money. When I’m tempted to spend money, I log in for non-judgmental support.
Charlotte Mather
In 2022 Alex was assessed for ADHD and I had to fill out a form about myself. I recognized so many characteristics, so I had my own assessment, which was positive.
Suddenly my wild spending made sense. Some people with ADHD drink, do drugs, or turn to sex. For me, it was shopping.
Charlotte’s tip for tackling debt
- Buy second-hand designer items on Vinted and eBay and you’ll be amazed at how much you can save.
- Use money apps like emma-app.com to stay accountable for your spending.
- Pay all utility bills by direct debit and have them paid on payday. Then you know exactly how much you have left.
- Adjust your budget every 12 weeks and stick strictly to the new budget.
- For luxury vacations, you can join private travel clubs such as Voyage Privé, which offer flash sales for a fraction of the normal price.
- Put your disposable income in a separate account. When it’s gone, it’s gone.
My urge to shop didn’t go away, but knowing I had ADHD helped. I signed up for the Mad About Money app for neurodiverse people, and when I’m tempted to spend money, I log in for judgment-free support.
Jason and I have a great relationship after I regained his trust by being honest and keeping my word. I have been debt free since 2020 – and I am determined to keep it that way.”
Follow Charlotte on Facebook @Charlotte.mather.35.
Nearly 1 in 100 girls have ADHD, but only half as many girls as boys are diagnosed.*
Women are 14% more likely to go bankrupt than men.**
Sources: *Adhdcentre.co.uk **Financielle.co.uk
