One in three Brits find it difficult to talk to strangers – 5 tips for chatting
As we get older, it can become more difficult to approach new people and make friends.
Unfortunately, once you leave primary school, it is no longer an appropriate opportunity to ask someone about their favourite colour.
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A survey of 2,000 adults found that 45% don’t know what to say to someone they don’t know, while 42% simply lack confidence.
While many people in these situations struggle with self-confidence, others worry about how they come across.
According to the research, 32% fear that they will come across as pushy if they approach a group of strangers.
It also found that 56% believe there is a cultural stigma around talking to someone they don’t know, while 54% admit they enjoy meeting new people.
And 61% believe the country should be more open to conversations with people they don’t know.
The research was commissioned by Beavertown Brewery, which aims to tackle a social challenge with the ‘Is This Seat Taken?’ campaign.
This involves placing bright blue stools with skulls in them in pubs, encouraging customers to sit next to new people and introduce themselves with a simple ‘cheers’.
“Approaching someone you don’t know can be nerve-wracking, but every relationship we’ve ever had started with a conversation,” said brand spokesman Tom Rainsford.
“The pub can be a great place to meet new people and have a good conversation.
“To help, we want to offer people a new way to break the ice and connect over a beer – even if it’s just a quick cheer – because who knows, it could be the start of a beautiful friendship.”
The research also found that on average, a person dares to approach three people per group to start a conversation for the first time.
65% of respondents said the weather is the best topic of conversation.
Pets and travel are the top three best icebreakers at 31% and 24% respectively.
The best places to do this include dog parks, work events, and bus stops.
Pubs are the second most popular place to make new friends as an adult, with 48% of people agreeing.
Tips for approaching strangers
Katherine Templar Lewis, a cognitive scientist and science communicator specializing in emotions, shared her advice for striking up conversations with strangers.
1. Always make eye contact: When you make eye contact with someone, you are giving them the signal that they can trust you. This will cause them to open up.
2. Don’t forget to smile: Laughter increases the production of mood-enhancing hormones, such as dopamine and endorphins, while decreasing the production of stress-increasing hormones, such as cortisol and adrenaline.
3. Participate in a ritual: Rituals bring people together, even everyday rituals like making a cup of tea or the British ‘cheers’. They have a bonding effect and influence our well-being.
4. Make small talk: Questions like “Where are you from?”, “What brought you here?” and “How do you like the weather?” Find points of common interest and show your interest.
5. Accept the uncomfortable: Remember this feeling comes from your brain wanting to play it safe. Keep going, focus on the positive outcomes, keep going and your body will soon realize there is no threat.
But 26% cannot remember the last time they had a decent conversation with someone they don’t know.
And 43% have never started a conversation with a stranger in a bar, because 59% would feel awkward, and 36% shy.
Of those who have spoken to strangers in the pub, two-thirds think these interactions are always or often welcome.
The survey, conducted through OnePoll, also found that 54% would like to meet more people.
But 37% generally find it difficult to do this and then make a friend.
Katherine Templar Lewis, a cognitive scientist and science communicator specializing in emotions, connection, and behavioral psychology, is partnering with Beavertown Brewery to help.
“In an era where loneliness is increasing, we must remember that humans are naturally social beings,” she explained.
“We evolved to thrive in communities, and our bodies and minds benefit tremendously from genuine social connections.
“By encouraging people to share a table, introduce themselves and raise a glass together, we are not only combating loneliness, we are also reviving the age-old tradition of the pub as a community centre.”
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