Sex in the sci-fi section and condom bookmarks – dirty confessions from the librarian

A LIBRARY has cleared up some of the grossest things she has seen and heard on the job.

Lara started working as a librarian in 2006 and said there are many misconceptions about her profession.

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She revealed that people assume she will become an old lady with glasses who spends her days talking people out.

However, she revealed that her job can be a lot more exciting than it sounds.

The librarian said she occasionally hears shuffling behind the bookshelves and knows that means people are up to no good.

She said that sometimes she just has to walk down the aisle, and the couple immediately separates from each other and feels very embarrassed.

In other cases, however, people simply ignore her.

“If this happens, we need to say ‘one body per seat please,’” she told the Things People Do podcast.

“Normally they’re teenagers with nowhere else to go.”

She added that the sci-fi and fantasy section is the most popular aisle for people to have a cheeky romp.

Lara said librarians always have wet wipes on hand because people who return books are often very sticky.

She added that she has returned books that have been completely torn to shreds by dogs, with bizarre objects left behind that people have used as bookmarks.

“I’ve had socks, pieces of crispy bacon and even used condoms,” she revealed.

Lara revealed that normal libraries don’t store porn, but said you can find it in specific libraries that target blind people, as they need to be inclusive for people who want to read erotica but can’t see.

She added that people shouldn’t worry about getting fines because libraries often just want the books back and for people to come back, rather than the money.

“I’ve heard of a library that challenged people to a dance if their books were overdue,” she said.

“And if they won the dance competition, their fine would be wiped away.”

The librarian also revealed that some people come up with hilarious excuses for why their books are late, such as “and the owl swooped in and stole it,” and “I was abducted by aliens.”

“He said he was abducted by aliens for six months, the books were very late,” she said.

“How can you argue that?”

She added that she has never silenced anyone because despite what people may think, libraries are no longer places where you are expected to be completely silent.

Lara said libraries do not believe in censorship and even stock highly controversial books such as Hitler’s Mein Kampf for historical purposes.

“You can borrow it, but we are in no way advocating what’s inside,” she revealed.