Never take a mistress, Your Majesty, it only ends in tears. This one piece of advice should have been given to every British monarch for the last four hundred years – but none of them would have listened.

These kings and princes were the rock stars of their time – women flocked and bowed to them, they could choose whoever they wanted. And as much as they wanted.

Granted, murder, blackmail, grand theft and kidnapping were all part of the bedding of these royal mistresses, but somehow Their Majesties always stood above it all.

Some kings had astonishing numbers of mistresses: King Edward VII had more than seventy known girlfriends, beaten only by his great-uncle, King George IV, with eighty.

Saint George III apparently had none, but still did not escape sexual rumors and innuendo.

One of Edward VIII’s early loves when he was Prince of Wales was Maggie Alibert, a curvaceous courtesan whom he courted in Paris in the closing days of the Great War.

They met at the city’s famous Crillon Hotel and Edward fell so in love that he showered her with a mountain of embarrassing love letters.

Later, Maggie married an Egyptian aristocrat, Ali Kamel Fahmy Bey, but murdered him in cold blood in their suite at the Savoy Hotel after six months.

The couple was on an extended honeymoon and got into an argument after a night out. Maggie shot him several times in the back, using a .32 caliber Browning automatic.

When she went to trial, the judge banned any mention of her challenging past as a courtesan. A secret deal had been struck: Maggie would return the tell-all letters to the Prince of Wales in exchange for not mentioning his name.

And so she was acquitted of the murder charge – clearly a scandalous miscarriage of justice – but at least the future king’s reputation was preserved.

Edward was less lucky when it came to Millicent Milroy, a Canadian schoolteacher who claimed she secretly married him when he visited her hometown of Galt, Ontario, in 1919.

The prince rode into the city on a steam train as part of his tour of Canada.

Fifty years later, the still apparently single Millicent commissioned her gravestone – which still stands to this day – which boldly reads: ‘Millicent… wife of Edward (VIII) Duke of Windsor’.

She wouldn’t die for another fifteen years, but to the end she insisted she was Edward’s secret wife.

Have they met? Did they kiss? Are they married? Nobody knows.

Elizabeth, the Marchioness Conyngham, was a great beauty during the Georgian period and, dissatisfied with her fate, she donned her cap to the Prince of Wales, later King George IV.

It took thirteen years for him to put her to bed, but she felt it was worth the wait – because as he lay on his deathbed in Windsor, Elizabeth picked up as many jewels as she could and headed for the door.

“Despite her beauty, she was considered vulgar, clever, greedy, and unsuitable for aristocratic society because of her common background,” read one description of her.

She was also a thief on a grand scale – among her loot was said to be the whopping large Hope Diamond, one of the largest stones in history at 45 carats.

King George VI, the current king’s grandfather, was a lightweight when it came to the bedroom – with only three or four mistresses before marrying Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon.

But his brothers made up for this lack of sexual ambition: Prince George, Duke of Kent, was NSIT – not safe in taxis – with either sex.

He had a number of gay affairs before his marriage – although not with Noel Coward, as some people claim – but his main interest was in women. Every woman, in fact, and there could be hundreds.

Less successful was George VI’s other brother: Harry, Duke of Gloucester, the deadbeat of the royal family.

He had an affair with aviator Beryl Markham, who convinced him that he was the father of her son. If Harry Gloucester had had the sense to count the months until conception on his fingers (nine, Harry, in case you didn’t know), Beryl would be in Africa and he in Britain.

Nevertheless, the nincompoop paid up after Beryl threatened to take him to court for alimony.

King George III has always been regarded as a saint by royal historians. He fell in love and married Princess Charlotte, with whom he had no fewer than fifteen children. But even this royal paragon did not escape scandal.

At the age of 15, he formed a ‘friendship’ with Hannah Lightfoot, eight years his senior. She had married Isaac Axford in 1753, but went missing within a year and was never discovered again.

Word spread that George, then Prince of Wales, had her kidnapped and secretly married her, their marriage producing three children. No one has ever proven that – but no one has ever discovered what happened to Hannah, so the jury is out.

Royal women were just as prone to sexual dalliances. Everyone knows that Queen Victoria was closely associated with ghillie John Brown, but she was equally attracted to her Indian servant Abdul Karim, whose photo was hidden in her coffin on her orders when she died.

But it is Queen Caroline, wife of King George IV, who was the sexual pioneer with at least 19 notches on her bedpost.

According to expert historian Anthony Camp, Caroline – who thought George was so ugly that he reached for the brandy decanter when he was first confronted by his future wife – had no trouble finding bed partners. Among them were British Prime Minister George Canning, an Italian singing teacher Pietro Sapio and Joachim, the King of Naples.

But when it comes to bad behavior, perhaps the last word should go to courtier Ralph Montagu, who boldly bedded both mother and daughter in Paris. First came Barbara, Duchess of Cleveland, mistress of King Charles II, after her moments of passion with His Maj were over.

Concerned about the virtue of her daughter Anne (the king’s illegitimate daughter), the Duchess had her placed in a convent for safekeeping.

But the moment she left for England, the predatory Montagu stormed Anne, sprung her from the convent and began a steamy affair. He was 38, she was only 15.

Montagu, who would become the first Duke of Montagu, was truly a bad boy. Ambitious and a spendthrift, he kept himself comfortable by seducing wealthy widows; his last victim was Elizabeth, Duchess of Albemarle.

Elizabeth, supposedly mad, had vowed to marry only a crowned head after her husband’s death – so Montagu tried to woo her, disguised as Emperor of China.

This year’s NFL free agency began with a bang late Sunday night, when quarterback Russell Wilson announced on social media he would join the Pittsburgh Steelers. League sources said it’s a one-year deal.

Wilson was allowed to negotiate early with teams after the Denver Broncos told Wilson last week they would be releasing him from his mammoth contract. The legal tampering window for everyone else began Monday at noon ET. Players and teams can officially sign deals when the new league year begins Wednesday at 4 p.m. ET.

We’re grading all the noteworthy deals, many of which will include players from our list of the top 150 free agents, so keep checking back to see how your favorite teams and players are faring. (Players are listed below in order of their free-agent ranking.)

Live updates: Free-agent news from across the NFL
FA tracker: New teams and contract details for the top 150 free agents
Best available players: Who’s still on the market?

Texans land edge rusher Danielle Hunter

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 1

Already boasting a talented young pass rusher in Will Anderson Jr., the Texans pull off a move to make their defense that much more formidable, adding Hunter — the top edge rusher on the free agent market.

Hunter, who agreed to a two-year, $49-million deal, is coming off a career year, recording 16 1/2 sacks to go with 83 tackles (a league-best 23 for a loss). It was his fifth double-digit sack season for the eight-year veteran.

Eagles add RB Saquon Barkley

Grade: B-plus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 2

Another running back comes off the market as the former Giants star heads to NFC East neighbor Philadelphia. Barkley, who played on the franchise tag last season, lands a three-year deal that could pay him up to $46.75 million and includes $26 million guaranteed. Barkley will not reset the running market with this deal, but if he meets incentives, he could draw an average salary of $15.83 million, which would be the second-most for running backs in NFL history.

The Eagles wanted to upgrade their rushing attack despite receiving a 1,000-yard season from newcomer D’Andre Swift last season. Philadelphia let Swift depart via free agency to the Bears, however, and zeroed in on Barkley, who has recorded three 1,000-yard seasons in the last six years, and came close last season (962 rushing yards and six touchdowns on 247 carries). Barkley just turned 27, but the Eagles expect him to continue to produce like one of the top backs in the league, which would add a welcome element to an offense that features dual-threat quarterback Jalen Hurts and the dynamic wide receiver tandem of A.J. Brown and DeVonta Smith.

Falcons add QB Kirk Cousins

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 3

Kicking off a new era under recently hired head coach Raheem Morris, the Falcons also are starting over at quarterback after landing the four-time Pro Bowl passer on a four-year, $180 million contract that comes with a $50 million signing bonus and $100 million guaranteed.

Cousins had spent the last six seasons in Minnesota. He now heads South, where he reunites with Morris, who was an assistant during Cousins’ early years in Washington.

Cousins is coming off a season shortened by a torn Achilles, but has looked good in recent workouts and is expected to be ready to go by the start of the season. Cousins not only has familiarity with Morris, but he will also recognize elements of Atlanta’s offensive scheme because Falcons coordinator Zac Robinson learned under Vikings coach Kevin O’Connell when both were assistants with the Rams in 2020 and 2021.

The NFC South is wide open, so Cousins and the Falcons, who boast a roster full of young, up-and-coming talent, could make some noise immediately.

Browns keep edge rusher Za’Darius Smith

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 4

The Browns wanted to hold onto Smith, who was a nice complementary pass rusher opposite Myles Garrett. Cleveland and the 11th-year veteran agreed to a two-year deal worth $23.5 million. Smith recorded 27 tackles, 5.5 sacks and 20 quarterback hits last season with the Browns, who ranked first in the NFL in total defense and sixth in sacks (49).

Raiders add DT Christian Wilkins

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 5

Eager to bolster the interior of a line that features the talented Maxx Crosby on the edge, the Raiders added Wilkins, the top defensive tackle outside of Chris Jones. Wilkins, who recorded nine sacks for the Dolphins last season, is expected to sign a four-year deal worth $110 million with $85.75 million guaranteed.

Wilkins drew interest from the Vikings, Browns, Texans and Lions, but opted for Las Vegas, where head coach Antonio Pierce and defensive coordinator Patrick Graham seek additional impact players to bolster their attack in the trenches.

Vikings add edge Jonathan Greenard

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 6

It appears likely they will lose pass rusher Danielle Hunter to free agency, so the Vikings are bringing Greenard into the mix. The 27-year-old recorded 12 1/2 sacks and 48 pressures for the Texans last season. Hunter’s deal features $42 million in guaranteed money, according to The Athletic’s Jeff Howe.

The Vikings are hoping that last year’s career year was a sign of things to come from Greenard and not just a flash in the pan. He had eight sacks as a second-year pro in 2021, but just 1 1/2 sacks in an injury-shortened campaign in 2022. He rebounded with his first double-digit sack season in 2023. If he can stay healthy, Greenard has the potential to be a real force up front for Brian Flores’ defense, which is among the most blitz-happy in the league.

Packers add RB Josh Jacobs

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 7

Hoping to provide young quarterback Jordan Love the support of a more effective rushing attack, the Packers agreed to a deal with the two-time Pro Bowl running back. Jacobs, who has recorded 1,000-yard campaigns in three of the last five seasons with the Raiders, was regarded as one of the top backs on the market, along with Saquon Barkley, Derrick Henry and Austin Ekeler.

He should help ensure balance to Green Bay’s offense, which wants to establish the run and then capitalize on big plays downfield out of the play action. It’ll be interesting to see how this impacts the role of Aaron Jones, who is in the final year of his contract.

Packers add S Xavier McKinney

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 8

After opting to let safety Darnell Savage depart earlier in the day (he agreed to terms with the Jaguars), the Packers upgraded with McKinney, who agreed to a four-year deal worth $68 million.

McKinney has great range and ball skills and should help shore up the back end of a Packers defense that ranked among the bottom third in the league in takeaways. It now finds itself in transition after coach Matt LaFleur switched defensive coordinators in the offseason, firing Joe Barry and luring Boston College head coach Jeff Hafley to Green Bay.

Titans add C Lloyd Cushenberry

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 9

Second-year general manager Ran Carthon has attacked this offseason with the goal of upgrading the offense around young quarterback Will Levis and finding a reliable center to anchor the line is a big part of that. Cushenberry, a third-round pick out of LSU in 2020, steadily improved each season with the Broncos and now comes to Tennessee. His strength, athleticism and keen instincts are a big reason why he’s regarded as one of the best young centers in the game.

Eagles add edge rusher Bryce Huff

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 10

Adding disruptive edge rushers ranked high on the Eagles’ shopping list this offseason, and they have acquired one in Huff, agreeing to pay him $51.1 million over three seasons. Huff, who went undrafted out of Memphis in 2020, had a breakout season with the Jets in 2023, racking up 10 sacks and 29 tackles as a rotational pass rusher. Now he’ll presumably move into a starting role with the Eagles, who hope he can continue to ascend and give new defensive coordinator Vic Fangio a force off the edge.

Giants add G Jon Runyan

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s top 150 ranking: No. 11

The Giants have questions at running back (with Saquon Barkley now headed for Philadelphia) and quarterback, where Daniel Jones continues to disappoint. But they’re trying to at least ensure whoever lines up at those positions will have adequate pass protection and run support.

Runyan comes to New York from Green Bay, where he established himself as an effective and versatile interior lineman. He’ll try to help upgrade a line that surrendered a league-high 85 sacks in 2022.

49ers add pass rusher Leonard Floyd

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 12

Could the 49ers’ long search for a reliable pass-rushing sidekick for Nick Bosa finally have come to an end? They certainly hope so after agreeing to a two-year deal worth up to $24 million. The 49ers gave Bosa’s former college teammate Chase Young a try via trade last season, but Young was wildly inconsistent. So, GM John Lynch turned his attention to the 31-year-old Floyd, a consistent and durable player who in the last four seasons has recorded 10-1/2, 9-1/2, nine and 10-1/2 sacks (and has missed only one game during that time). He will now reunite with his former Rams defensive coordinator Brandon Staley, a new assistant head coach for San Francisco.

Seahawks keep DE Leonard Williams

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 14

Months after acquiring him in a midseason trade, the Seahawks are hanging onto Williams, giving the defensive lineman a three-year, $64.5 million deal. Williams, the sixth pick of the 2015 draft, had stints with the Jets and Giants, but has settled in nicely with Seattle. He recorded four sacks, 41 tackles (nine for a loss) and 11 quarterback hits in 10 games for the Seahawks.The Seattle defense will look different in 2024 as former Ravens defensive coordinator Mike Macdonald takes over for Pete Caroll and revamps the unit to fit his vision. But Williams will hold down a crucial role regardless.

Bills re-sign DT DaQuan Jones

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 15

The Bills parted ways with a handful of defensive mainstays in recent days, but they’re holding onto one in the 32-year-old Jones, who has spent the last two seasons in Buffalo. Jones missed 12 games last season with a pectoral injury, but when healthy is disruptive in the trenches. In 2022, Jones had 38 tackles (three for a loss) and 11 quarterback hits, two sacks and a fumble recovery. He agreed to a two-year, $16 million deal with $10.5 million guaranteed

Giants add OT Jermaine Eluemunor

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 16

Revamping their offensive line yet again, the Giants added the versatile Eluemunor, who started at right tackle in Las Vegas, but also can play left tackle. Eluemunor, whose deal is for two years, $14 million, is the second free-agent offensive line addition made by New York, which agreed to terms with guard Jon Runyan earlier Monday. The Giants gave up 85 sacks in 2023, making the line an offseason priority.

Steelers add LB Patrick Queen

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: 17

The Ravens made the tough call to forgo picking up the fifth-year option on Queen’s rookie contract after they paid Roquan Smith, and now they’ll have to face Queen twice a year as their 2020 first-round pick joins the rival Steelers. Queen, who agreed to a three-year, $41 million deal, is coming off a career-best 133-tackle season. He also had 3.5 sacks and six pass breakups, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery. The Pro Bowl linebacker will help fortify a Steelers defense that ranked 21st in the league in yards allowed, yet did hold foes to just 19.1 points per game (sixth best).

Jets add G John Simpson

Grade: B-plus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 18

Keeping Aaron Rodgers upright is the highest priority for the Jets, so they agreed to a two-year, $18 million deal with Simpson, who started all 19 of the Ravens’ games (regular season and playoffs) at left guard last season. While durable, Simpson does need to become more consistent, but the Jets are counting on the 2020 fourth-round pick to do just that.

Falcons add WR Darnell Mooney

Grade: C-plus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 19

Mooney, who agreed to a three-year, $39 million contract, certainly has big-play ability. He showed in 2021, his second NFL season, what a threat he can be, with 81 catches for 1,055 yards. However, Mooney hasn’t topped 500 yards in either season since then. The 2020 fifth-round pick leaves Chicago with 213 catches with 2,593 yards and 11 touchdowns. Can a fresh start and pairing with Kirk Cousins, Kyle Pitts and Drake London translate into a revival for Mooney?

Commanders add LB Frankie Luvu

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 20

Badly in need of playmakers with sideline-to-sideline range thanks to misses in the draft and free agency, Washington agreed to a three-year, $36 million contract with Luvu, who is coming off back-to-back 100-plus tackle seasons with the Panthers. Luvu is now on his third team in seven seasons, but he has displayed steady improvement after entering the league as an undrafted player out of Washington State. Last season’s 125 tackles, five pass deflections and two forced fumbles all represent career highs.

Texans add DE Denico Autry

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 23

Autry comes at a relatively affordable price for a pass rusher (two years, $20 million with $10.5 million guaranteed), and he will give Houston a complement to young Will Anderson Jr. But Autry is coming off his first double-digit sack season and is 34, so a decline is possible. That means Houston may not see the full return on its investment.

Cardinals add DT Justin Jones

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 24

Arizona makes a move to beef up the interior of its defensive line, giving Jones a three-year deal worth $30.1 million with $19.75 million guaranteed. Jones is coming off his two most productive seasons (52 tackles, three sacks in 2022; 49 tackles, 4 1/2 sacks in 2023). His new deal represents a significant bump from his two-year, $12 million deal he played on in Chicago, where he did have his share of ups and downs. That raises the question of whether the Cardinals overpaid.

Chargers keep S Alohi Gilman

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 28

The Chargers reward their 2020 sixth-round pick with a two-year, $11 million contract as he comes off of a career year (73 tackles, two interceptions, three forced fumbles and two fumble recoveries). L.A. has limited resources because of salary cap restrictions but still manages to keep a promising young player in the mix.

Commanders add S Jeremy Chinn

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: 29

In need of playmakers on the back end of their defense, the Commanders are hoping Chinn can recapture the form he sported in 2020 and 2021 when he recorded 117 and 107 tackles, respectively. He has battled injury in each of the last two seasons, but if healthy, the former second-round pick boasts great versatility as a hybrid safety/linebacker and will make his presence felt. At one year, $5.1 million, Chinn, who has played a combined 18 games the last two seasons, comes at a good price.

Jaguars add WR Gabe Davis

Grade: C-plus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 32

This may not be the wide receiver news the Jaguars and their fans most desperately want to hear. Leading wideout Calvin Ridley (1,016 yards, eight touchdowns) remained unsigned during the opening of the legal tampering window. But in Davis, the Jaguars get a solid No. 2 option on a three-year, $39 million deal. Incentives could bump his earnings up to $50 million.

Davis spent the first four seasons of his career as Stefon Diggs’ sidekick in Buffalo, averaging 682 yards and 6.75 touchdowns on 40.75 receptions a season. At 6-2, 225, Davis knows how to use his size to his advantage and plays with physicality, but still needs to execute with greater consistency.

Chargers add RB Gus Edwards

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 35

The Chargers appear set to move on from Austin Ekeler and have reunited Edwards with his former Ravens offensive coordinator Greg Roman. Curious move. Edwards is a good runner, but he has always shared the workload and has never had a 1,000-yard season. He will come at a cheaper price than Ekeler, but Ekeler is one of the most versatile backs in the game. So unless the Chargers are planning on drafting someone as well and using him as the lead back (and Edwards as the complementary piece), the Chargers will likely see a drop-off here.

Ravens add RB Derrick Henry

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 38

After allowing Gus Edwards to depart via free agency, the Ravens needed an impact running back in the worst way and have agreed to terms with the powerful Henry. The four-time Pro Bowl back and five-time 1,000-yard rusher agrees to a two-year deal worth up to $20 million. Henry is coming off of a 1,167-yard, 12-touchdown campaign and just turned 30 in January. The Ravens believe that he has enough left in the tank to serve as their workhorse back. If that’s the case — and that’s the only question in this scenario, given the mileage Henry has logged during his career — Henry will in turn ease pressure on Lamar Jackson, who has led the team in rushing more times than anyone within the organization would like. After years of piecing together a rushing attack with Jackson and a committee of backs, the Ravens could now have the ability to produce the most potent ground game (and most balanced offense) they have fielded in years.

Panthers add G Robert Hunt

Grade: B-minus

Randy Mueller’s top 150 ranking: No. 39

With protecting and developing second-year quarterback Bryce Young the highest of priorities, the Panthers made a move to fortify the interior of their offensive line. Hunt is a 2020 second-rounder who has played both guard and tackle, but he’s now viewed as a guard. Hunt has dealt with some injuries, but is big, physical and powerful. If he can remain healthy, he’ll make an impact. He will have good familiarity with the concepts of the Panthers’ offense because new coach Dave Canales runs an offshoot of the Shanahan offense that Mike McDaniel runs in Miami.

Patriots re-signing OL Mike Onwenu

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 40

Amid great waves of change, the Patriots made continuity along their offensive line a priority. The 2020 sixth-rounder agreed to a three-year, $57 million deal with $38 million guaranteed. Onwenu offers great versatility with his ability to play both tackle and guard.

Panthers add DT A’Shawn Robinson

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: 41

Fortifying a defense that served as the bright spot last season, Carolina has added the ninth-year veteran on a three-year, $22.5-million deal. Robinson has great familiarity with Panthers defensive coordinator Ejiro Evero, having played for him when Evero was an assistant with the Rams, so the transition should be smooth.

Bears add RB D’Andre Swift

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 45

Agreeing to a three-year deal worth a reported $24 million, the fifth-year veteran cashes in on a career season with the Eagles in which he served as a feature back for the first time. Swift rushed for 1,049 yards and five touchdowns on 229 carries; he also recorded 39 catches for 214 yards and a touchdown for Philadelphia. Regardless of what they do at quarterback, the Bears badly needed a reliable back after trying to piece together a rushing attack last season. Justin Fields led the team with 657 rushing yards while Khalil Herbert and D’Onta Foreman combined for 1,036 yards and six touchdowns. Swift receives a significant raise after playing on a one-year, $1.7 million deal last season.

David Montgomery was drafted by the Bears.
D’Andre Swift was drafted by the Lions.

And now, they’ve swapped teams.

Which player would you rather have in your backfield? pic.twitter.com/5fjpriT4Zb

— The Athletic (@TheAthletic) March 11, 2024

Steelers add QB Russell Wilson

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 46

After two tumultuous years in Denver, Wilson gets a fresh start with Pittsburgh. He’ll sign a one-year deal for the league minimum (just over $1 million) to play for the Steelers while also earning the almost $38 million owed to him by the Broncos.

Adding Wilson creates an intriguing situation for the Steelers, who have said they remain committed to 2022 first-rounder Kenny Pickett. The former Pitt star has been rather mediocre, however. Presumably, Pickett and Wilson will battle for the starting job. Wilson’s resume certainly dwarfs Pickett’s, but does Wilson still have the skills to be an effective NFL starter after posting some of the worst numbers of his career in Denver? Multiple talent evaluators around the league believe the answer is yes and chalk up the struggles of 2023 and 2022 to two bad situations with the Broncos.

This is a low-risk move for Pittsburgh. If Pickett wins, the Steelers have a veteran mentor/backup in Wilson at a low cost. If Wilson wins the starting job, which he should if he does indeed still have his fastball, new offensive coordinator Arthur Smith has a crafty veteran capable of directing a unit that must contend with the Ravens, Bengals and Browns and their star quarterbacks.

Seahawks re-sign TE Noah Fant

Grade: C-plus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 47

Fant boasted great potential when he came to Seattle as part of the Russell Wilson trade. But he has just 82 catches for 900 yards and four touchdowns in the last two seasons combined. Fant, who agreed to a two-year, $21 million contract, has all of the tools to become a more impactful weapon for Seattle. Can new offensive coordinator Ryan Grubb help him maximize his potential?

Rams add G Jonah Jackson

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 49

Aiming to extend Matthew Stafford’s career a bit further, the Rams are investing heavily in the interior of their offensive line after reaching an agreement with Jackson on a three-year, $51 million deal that features $34 million guaranteed. The Pro Bowl left guard became an instant starter for the Lions, who selected him out of Rutgers in the third round of the 2020 draft (Stafford’s final season with the team). Now Jackson will reunite with the quarterback and aim to solidify a line that has endured a good deal of change the last two seasons.

Jaguars keep C Mitch Morse

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 52

After reworking the deal of guard Brandon Scherff, the Jaguars made another move to ensure Trevor Lawrence has the best possible pass protection, giving Morse a two-year, $10.5 million contract. Jacksonville was middle-of-the-pack in passing despite boasting a quarterback regarded as a generational talent coming out of college, and ranked among the bottom third of the league in rushing, so Morse should help coax the Jaguars toward improvement.

Packers re-sign KR Keisean Nixon

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: 55

The All-Pro kick returner lands a three-year deal worth up to $19.2 million. Nixon has led the NFL in kick returns the last two seasons, averaging 27.45 yards per attempt, earning All-Pro honors each year.

Vikings add LB Blake Cashman

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 57

The VIkings continue their mission of upgrading a defense that ranked 16th in the league, adding Cashman on a three-year, $25.5 million deal. This is a bit of a projection signing because Cashman’s resume features just one season as a starter. However, the former Texans fifth-rounder was strong against the run and solid in pass-coverage while notching a career-best 106 tackles, five pass deflections and an interception in 2023. The Vikings now hope he can continue his ascent with them.

Commanders add RB Austin Ekeler

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 60

One of the most versatile backs in the league over the last seven seasons (39 rushing touchdowns, 30 receiving touchdowns), Ekeler will now take his talents to Washington, where the Commanders are starting afresh with a new owner, general manager and head coach. The 29-year-old Ekeler is coming off an injury-hampered season (628 rushing yards and five touchdowns and 436 receiving yards and a touchdown after flirting with 1,700 all-purpose yards in 2021 and 2022). But he still can be an effective back as long as health is on his side. The two-year, $11.43 million deal is a good investment for Washington, and significantly less per season than running backs Saquon Barkley, Tony Pollard, Josh Jacobs and D’Andre Swift landed.

Lions add edge rusher Marcus Davenport

Grade: B-minus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 61

An ankle injury cut Davenport’s lone season with the Vikings to four games. He recorded just two sacks and seven pressures. But at 28, and with a resume that includes 142 tackles, 21 1/2 sacks and seven forced fumbles in five seasons with the Saints, Davenport seemingly boasts the potential to have an impact for Detroit as long as he can stay healthy. The one-year deal is a low-risk investment for the Lions.

Jaguars add CB Ronald Darby

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 62

Entering his 10th NFL season and about to turn 30, Darby lands with his sixth team, agreeing to a two-year deal worth up to $10 million. Darby provides good versatility, but struggles with durability, having played a full season just once in his career. He started seven of 16 games for Baltimore last season in his return from a 2022 torn ACL and recorded 28 tackles and seven pass breakups.

Dolphins add LB Jordyn Brooks

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 63

The Dolphins are getting a run-stopping linebacker who has recorded 100-plus tackles each of the last three seasons while playing alongside Bobby Wagner. Brooks has also steadily improved in pass coverage. Brooks suffered a torn ACL in Week 17 of the 2022 season, but returned to action in Week 1 the following year. He had 111 tackles, 4.5 sacks and four pass breakups in 2023, which he now has cashed in for a three-year, $30 million deal.

Commanders add C Tyler Biadasz

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 65

With their offensive line badly in need of an overhaul, the Commanders and new head coach Dan Quinn lured the Pro Bowl center to Washington. The Commanders last season ranked 27th in rushing and yielded the second-most sacks in the league (65), so Biadasz and other reinforcements (who could follow through free agency and the draft) meet a real need. Adding a quality, veteran center also is a smart move with Washington expected to use the No. 2 pick on a quarterback. Whether it’s Jayden Daniels or Drake Maye, the young passer will have the luxury of leaning on Biadasz to help identify blitzes and the necessary protections.

Vikings add edge rusher Andrew Van Ginkel

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 67

Brian Flores gets a familiar face in Van Ginkel, a 2019 fifth-round pick who played under the Vikings defensive coordinator when Flores was head coach in Miami. Van Ginkel brings good versatility as an edge rusher capable of bringing pressure from either side. He also comes at an affordable price (two years, $20 million — $14 million guaranteed).

Buccaneers re-sign LB Lavonte David

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: 71

After locking up wide receiver Mike Evans and quarterback Baker Mayfield just before the start of free agency, the Bucs have retained another roster cornerstone. David agreed to a one-year deal worth $10 million.  The 13th-year veteran remains a force, having racked up 134 tackles (his 10th 100-tackle season) along with 4 1/2 sacks for the Bucs. The 34-year-old has shown no signs of a drop-off.

Bills keep edge rusher A.J. Epenesa

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 76

The 2020 second-round pick will remain in Buffalo on a two-year deal worth up to $20 million after recording 6 1/2 sacks in each of the last two seasons as a rotational pass rusher. Epenesa wasn’t drafted in the second round (54th overall) to be a part-time player, but he and the Bills seem comfortable with his role, and he has found a way to maximize his opportunities in each of the last two seasons. It’ll be interesting to see if Leonard Floyd’s departure will translate into more snaps for Epenesa.

Jets add DT Javon Kinlaw

Grade: B-plus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 85

In need of big bodies to pair with Quinnen Williams, Robert Saleh reached back to his San Francisco days to bring the 2020 first-round pick to New York. Kinlaw battled injuries for much of his time in San Francisco, but when finally healthy, he made his presence felt. In 2023, Kinlaw recorded 25 tackles, 3 1/2 sacks, six quarterback hits and three pass breakups while starting all 17 games. The 49ers were expected to face competition in their efforts to retain Kinlaw, and their former defensive coordinator won. If Kinlaw, who agreed to a one-year deal, can stay healthy, this could wind up being a steal.

Dolphins add C Aaron Brewer

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 86

Looking to further upgrade Tua Tagovailoa’s supporting cast, the Dolphins agreed to a three-year, $21 million deal with Brewer, the former Titans center. The only problem is Brewer gave up seven sacks in 2023, according to TruMeda, and the Dolphins have to do everything possible to protect Tagovailoa. Brewer is, however, a good run blocker, possessing the athleticism that makes him ideal for Miami’s zone-blocking scheme. Undrafted in 2020 out of Texas State, Brewer must take another leap forward in his development.

Bengals add TE Mike Gesicki

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 88

Cincinnati adds a serviceable piece to the puzzle in the seventh-year veteran, who recorded 29 catches for 244 yards and a touchdown with New England last season. That was the least-productive season of Gesicki’s career since his rookie year in 2018. He did record two 700-yard seasons with Miami in 2020 and 2021. But a 362-yard 2022 campaign followed before he departed for New England. So, which version of the 2018 second-round pick are the Bengals getting? They certainly hope for something more closely resembling the 2020/2021 version. But at one-year, $3.25 million, this isn’t a high-risk move.

Vikings add QB Sam Darnold

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 89

After losing Kirk Cousins to the Falcons, the Vikings are rolling the dice with Darnold, the third pick of the 2018 draft. Darnold failed miserably with the Jets and Panthers, but the Vikings are hoping that a season on the sidelines and classroom with Kyle Shanahan has turned the turnover-prone USC product (Darnold has thrown 63 touchdowns and 56 interceptions while fumbling 38 times) into a more fundamentally sound player and decision-maker.

Darnold got a one-year deal worth $10 million, so it’s a low-risk commitment for the Vikings. And Darnold will recognize large portions of Minnesota’s offense because coach Kevin O’Connell is a disciple of Sean McVay, who is a disciple of Shanahan. But this still feels like the Vikings, who might have made the playoffs for a second straight season if not for Cousins’ season-ending Achilles tear and poor depth at quarterback, are taking a gamble when other options had included Jacoby Brissett (now with the Patriots), Gardner Minshew (joined the Raiders) and Ryan Tannehill (still available).

Chiefs add TE Irv Smith Jr.

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 91

Intriguing signing by the Chiefs. The 2019 second-round pick by the Vikings has spent the last two seasons in Cincinnati but hasn’t had a prolific role, recording a combined 18 catches for 115 yards and a touchdown in 12 games (six starts). His best season came in 2020 when he had 30 catches for 364 yards and five touchdowns. Smith is athletic and versatile enough to serve as a run blocker or line up in the slot or split out wide. But he hasn’t flashed enough to give reason to believe that he will have a significant enough role to ease pressure on Travis Kelce.

Texans add LB Azeez Al-Shaair

Grade: B-plus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 92

DeMeco Ryans pulls off another reunion with one of his former 49ers charges. Al-Shaair, who served as a rotational linebacker in San Francisco and left for Tennessee last season, is headed to Houston on a three-year, $34 million contract. Al-Shaair recorded 163 tackles, two sacks, four pass breakups and a fumble recovery for Tennessee and now joins the AFC South rival Texans and Ryans, who want to defend their divisional title.

Titans add RB Tony Pollard

Grade: B-minus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 93

It seemed highly likely that Derrick Henry would be moving on from Tennessee, and now that is essentially a surety. The Titans agreed to terms on a three-year, $24 million deal with Pollard, the former Cowboys running back. The 26-year-old Pollard isn’t as accomplished as Henry. He has two 1,000-yard seasons to his name compared to Henry’s five (including Henry’s 2,000-yard 2020 campaign). But Pollard is three years younger and has 1,268 fewer carries, meaning he could have longevity on his side.

Pollard’s first season as a feature back came in 2023, after he split time with Ezekiel Elliott to start his career in Dallas. But he proved versatile as a runner and pass-catcher out of the backfield. Pollard lacks the power of Henry, but the Titans apparently are looking for a different brand of running back to support young quarterback Will Levis. Pollard also is likely a cheaper alternative to Henry, who likely seeks an increase on last year’s earnings of $10.5 million.

Jets add QB Tyrod Taylor

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 94

Determined not to make the same mistake they did last year by neglecting to sign a proven backup to Aaron Rodgers, the Jets added the well-traveled Taylor. The 34-year-old QB possesses all of the skills and smarts necessary to enter a game on short notice and keep his team afloat. He also can man the helm as an effective interim starter, something Zack Wilson, who is on his way out, could not do last year.

Giants add RB Devin Singletary

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 97

Looking to fill the void left by Saquon Barkley’s departure for Philadelphia, the Giants add Singletary, who rushed for a career-high 898 yards on 216 carries last season while with Houston. Singletary is steady, but he’s not on Barkley’s level in terms of explosiveness, and will not command the attention from defenses that will ease pressure on Daniel Jones.

Jaguars add S Darnell Savage

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 98

The Jaguars get a sixth-year pro who certainly has playmaking ability, but also lacks the consistency necessary to go from borderline solid to great. Savage recorded four interceptions and 75 tackles as a second-year pro in 2020, but his production has declined ever since.

Patriots reunite with QB Jacoby Brissett

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 114

Looking for a fresh start at quarterback as they kick off the Jerod Mayo era, the Patriots are bringing back a familiar face in Brissett, whom New England drafted in the 2016 third round. Brissett agreed to a one-year $8 million deal with a potential $4 million more in incentives.

Brissett is the perfect bridge for the Patriots, who hold the third pick and could use that on a quarterback. He has played in a variety of systems, is durable and possesses strong leadership skills.

Raiders add QB Gardner Minshew

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 120

After stepping in for an injured Anthony Richardson, keeping the Colts afloat and helping lead them on a surprise playoff hunt, Minshew lands in Las Vegas, where he’ll have a chance to start as the franchise begins a new era in earnest.

Minshew went 7-6 as a starter last season and threw 15 touchdown passes and nine interceptions. He will compete with Aidan O’Connell, who went 5-5 as a starter last season with 12 touchdown passes and seven interceptions. Minshew has proven he can make plays and win games in this league. But at the very least, the Raiders get a quality backup with starting experience.

Browns add QB Jameis Winston

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 131

Last season showed why the Browns need a veteran, starter-capable backup to Deshaun Watson. Winston, who spent the last four seasons in New Orleans and went 6-4 as a starter while appearing in 21 games, certainly can step in and sling the rock around the yard. He’ll also fit well into any locker room. Winston, however, remains a roller-coaster at quarterback. If he’s called upon to provide the same stabilizing force and effectiveness Joe Flacco provided during last season’s playoff run, the Browns may wind up disappointed.

Giants add QB Drew Lock

Grade: B

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: 140

Daniel Jones’ days as Giants starter could be numbered after a 2023 campaign marked first by poor play and then a season-ending ACL tear. Jones is expected to make a full recovery, but he may return to competition from Lock — the 2019 second-round pick shipped by Denver to Seattle as part of the Russell Wilson trade. Lock has spent the last two seasons as Geno Smith’s backup. He went 1-1 in place of an injured Smith this past season and threw three touchdown passes and three interceptions. If Lock has developed while learning behind Smith, and if he can cut down on the turnovers, he could be an option for Brian Daboll and the Giants.

Commanders add QB Marcus Mariota

Grade: C

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: No. 144

It’s a good move in that Mariota will provide a much-needed veteran presence and mentorship to whomever Washington drafts with the No. 2 pick. It’s a shaky move if the Commanders expect much more than that out of Mariota, who went 5-8 in his last stint as a starter (Atlanta, 2022) while throwing for just 2,219 yards and 15 touchdowns along with nine interceptions.

Vikings add RB Aaron Jones

Grade: B-minus

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: NR

Minnesota needed a running back after releasing Alexander Mattison, last year’s leading rusher. Jones needed a home after the Packers released him upon signing Josh Jacobs. And so, the two former rivals will team up in hopes of blocking Green Bay from the NFC North. Jones has gone from fifth-round pick (2017) to Pro Bowl rusher (2000) with three 1,000-yard seasons to his name, and he should fit well in Minnesota’s system, because it’s very similar to Green Bay’s. The main question: Can Jones stay healthy? A hamstring strain limited him to just 11 games, 656 yards and two touchdowns last season, and he turns 30 this season. But at one year, $7 million, he comes at a reasonable price.

Colts re-sign DB Kenny Moore II

Grade: A

Randy Mueller’s Top 150 ranking: NR

In a move that reflects the evolution of the game and importance of depth at defensive back because of how heavily teams rely on the pass, the Colts have re-signed Moore to a three-year, $30 million contract that makes him the highest-paid nickel corner NFL history. The Pro Bowl back has averaged 2.4 interceptions and 7.8 pass breakups per season.

(Top photo of Danielle Hunter: Adam Bettcher / Getty Images)

PUNTERS have been gutted after a major pub chain with 400 locations prepares to close one of its off-licences within weeks.

The pub in Reading will close its shutters on March 31 in a major blow to locals.

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The Narrowboat, run by Fuller’s, Smith and Turner chain, will welcome customers for the final time later this month.

A spokesperson for the chain said the pub in its current form is “currently not viable” and will be turned into a training center for the chefs and food development team.

They added: “This dedicated facility will benefit our teams, help us create and perfect great dishes for our menus and give us a fantastic center to develop our chefs of the future.

“We are sorry to disappoint the customers who have become valued regulars of The Narrowboat, but we believe this is the right course of action for the long-term success of the site.”

Locals and punters have taken to online to share their devastation at the news the pub will close, described as “stunning” by one person on Google Reviews.

One simply said: “Oh bloody hell”.

Another said: “Shame it’s closing as it’s a good location”, while another added: “Oh no! That’s a shame we were hoping to go there”.

Meanwhile, a fifth added: “Shame it’s closing as it’s a good location.”

It comes as hundreds of pubs across Britain are closing their doors as they battle cost pressures.

More than 500 British drinkers will close their doors for the last time in 2023, The Sun exclusively revealed in January.

Six thousand people also lost their jobs, with pub chefs blaming the losses and closures on rising commodity prices, energy bills and a heavy tax burden.

A shock poll conducted across Britain by Survation and shared exclusively with The Sun last month also shows that more than 7,000 pubs could go bankrupt in the coming year.

In October last year, Wetherspoon’s boss Tim Martin said the company was “performing well”.

But the chain has closed 44 pubs in the past two years, almost six of which were up for sale.

Stonegate, the group that runs Yate’s and Slug and Lettuce pubs, also sparked outrage last year by increasing the price of drinks from 5pm to 7pm to offset rising operational costs.

High street retailers are also being hit hard.

Supermarkets such as Lidl, Iceland and Tesco have closed branches since the beginning of 2023.

Meanwhile, retailers such as Poundstretcher, Argos and House of Fraser have also closed their own stores.

Keep in mind that retailers often close and open branches to balance their portfolio.

Other retailers have been hit hard, with Wilko, Paperchase and The Body Shop all in trouble since last year.

All told, thousands of employees have lost their jobs and hundreds of stores have closed across the UK.

And in June last year, pharmacy chain Boots said it would consolidate its portfolio of 2,200 stores to 1,900.

But it’s not all doom and gloom in the sector as a number of retailers are also opening stores.

Asda is opening hundreds of smaller convenience stores as it looks to compete with major players Tesco and Sainsbury’s.

Meanwhile, Lidl wants to open twelve new stores in the United Kingdom, with branches in Birmingham, Bristol, Manchester and Reading.

Costa Coffee will also open 11 concession branches in larger Sainsbury’s stores by 2024.

Wilko has also been relaunched on the high street under new ownership, including in Plymouth, Exeter and Luton.

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It was a night of high glamour – diamonds, couture dresses and A-listers – and should have been the usual spectacle of very rich, very beautiful and very talented artists congratulating each other on a good year for cinema.

Everyone expected that the Barbenheimer boost, which saw the box office soaring, would have a knock on effect and produce a vintage Oscars.

But with nudity, jokes about incest, political controversy and plain old bad taste, plus a hefty dollop of angst about wars, was this the night that the Oscars fumbled the ball?

There was instant outrage when Native American actress Lily Gladstone failed to win for her performance as Mollie Burkhart in Killers of the Flower Moon and even the climax of the night, the announcement of Best Picture, seemed to go awry.

Veteran actor Al Pacino, 83, seemed to struggle to stay on script in a short preamble, before opening his envelope and saying: ‘My eyes see Oppenheimer.’ That brought nervous giggles from some quarters of the auditorium.

It was Oppenheimer’s night with the film taking seven Oscars having been nominated for 13.

Conversely it was a bad night for Barbie, which had eight nominations but came away with just one award, for the song What Was I Made For, by Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell.

Despite a barnstorming performance of I’m Just Ken by Ryan Gosling, which saw many of the A-listers in the room joining in with the song, and despite its colossal financial success, it was largely shut out.

Was one Oscar Kenough reward for the biggest film of the year which was very clearly popular in the room?

It was an even worse night for Maestro, Bradley Cooper’s passion project about the composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein. Maestro was nominated for seven Oscars and came away without a single one. Cooper was also beaten once again in the race for Best Actor, at the third time of asking.

Cooper also had to endure some bad-taste teasing from host Jimmy Kimmel about his habit of bringing his devoted mother Gloria as his date to awards.

Kimmel said: ‘Bradley brings his mother to every awards show. How any times can you bring your mom as your date before you are dating your mom? Are you working on a movie about Freud right now and not telling us?’

He is dating supermodel Gigi Hadid but the couple didn’t make any appearances together at pre-Oscars parties and opted not to go to the Vanity Fair party either.

There were some moments of delight, such as a cut away showing Messi the dog, a star of Anatomy of a Fall ‘clapping’, and some found John Cena’s naked sketch funny.

Actor and former wrestler Cena came on naked aside from a strategically placed gold envelope to announce the winner of the Costume Design Oscar.

The first Oppen-Oscar went to Robert Downey Jr., who won best supporting actor just as had been predicted and made a gracious, gag-filled speech.

He said: ‘I’d like to thank my terrible childhood and The Academy, in that order. I’d like to thank my — veterinarian — I meant wife, Susan Downey over there. She found me a snarling rescue pet and you loved me back to life. That’s why I’m here. Thank you.’

He went on: ‘Here’s my little secret. I needed this job more than it needed me. (Director) Chris (Nolan) knew it, (producer) Emma (Thomas) made sure that she surrounded me with one of the great casts and crews of all time, Emily, Cillian, it was fantastic.

‘And I stand here before you a better man because of it. What we do is meaningful, and the stuff that we decide to make is important.’

He shrugged off the outrage which greeted a drug gag seemingly improvised by host Kimmel after Downey Jr. touched his nose during his opening monologue. He had also looked unamused when Kimmel asked him: ‘Is that an acceptance speech in your pocket or do you just have a very rectangular penis?

Cillian Murphy became the first Irish-born winner of a Best Actor Oscar and won a standing ovation from the crowd which made him chuckle in delight. He said: ‘It’s been the wildest most exhilarating most creatively satisfying ride.’

Addressing director Chris Nolan and his wife Emma Thomas he said: ‘I owe you so much thank you. I’m a very proud Irishman standing here tonight.

‘You know we made a film about the man who created the atomic bomb for better or for worse. We are all living in Oppenheimer’s world so I would really like to dedicate this to the peacemakers everywhere.’

Accepting an Oscar for directing, Nolan paid tribute to his cast and crew. He added: ‘Thank you do those who have been there for me and believed in me for my whole career, the incredible Emma Thomas, the producer of all our films and all our children, I love you.

‘To the Academy. Just to say movies are just over 100 years old. Imagine being there 100 years into theatre or painting and we don’t know where we are going to go, but to know that you think I am a meaningful part of it means the world to me.’

Cinematography went to Hoyte van Hoytema, previously nominated for Christopher Nolans film Dunkirk. From the stage van Hoytema said: ‘Woah, steady. To all the aspiring film makers out there I would like to say please try shooting that incredible hip new thing celluloid.. it makes things look so much better.’

Jennifer Lame won achievement in film editing for Oppenheimer. She said: ‘Emma Thomas you amaze me… Chris Nolan you are okay too. I was terrified when you first hired me but you instilled so much confidence in me.’

She later said: ‘So many people came to me and didn’t think the film was too long even though it was three hours. I have so many favorite scenes with Cillian. I was mesmerized by his performance. You wanted to know who he was even though he is inscrutable.’

Ludwig Goransson won best original score for Oppenheimer. He said that it had been Nolan’s idea to use a violin as the motif. He thanked his parents for giving him guitars and drum machines instead of video games.

The best picture Oscar was accepted by Nolan’s wife Emma Thomas. 

She said: ‘All of us who make movies know that you dream of this moment. I could deny it but I have been dreaming of this for so long and now it has happened. The reason that this is the movie that it is, is Chris Nolan he is singular and he is brilliant and I am so grateful to you.’

There were gasps in the room when Emma Stone’s name was read out as Best Actress for her fearless performance as Bella Baxter in Poor Things. It had been a neck and neck actress race between Lily Gladstone for Killers of the Flower Moon and Emma Stone for Poor Things, but many felt that Gladstone was going to clinch the statuette.

Stone, who previously won for LaLa Land, said that she was overwhelmed and added that the zip on her dress had broken, adding: ‘I think it happened during “I’m Just Ken.”‘ 

She went on: ‘This is really overwhelming. Sorry. My voice has gone. 

‘The other night I was panicking as you can see it happens a lot and Yorgos said to me please take yourself out of it and he’s right its not about me its about a team that came together to make something that is greater than the sum of its parts. Yorgos thank you for the gift of a lifetime in Bella Baxter.’

The cerebral epic about the life of Robert J Oppenheimer, the father of the atomic bomb, didn’t have everything go its way.

Notably it lost out out on the sound Oscar to The Zone of Interest, a British film about the Holocaust in which the murders in Auschwitz are conveyed only as background noises.

It also lost out on Costume Design and Hair and Makeup to the Yorgos Lanthimos sex comedy Poor Things.

Some of the most surprising results saw Barbie lose out on production design and costume design. More predictably, Ryan Gosling was shut out in favor of Robert Downey Jr, and Oppenheimer won Best Picture.

Kimmel said in his opening monologue: ‘Here we are, all dressed up, celebrating the best of the best, beginning with the biggest movie of the year, Barbie. Barbie was a monster hit.

‘What a thing. What an achievement to take a plastic doll nobody even liked anymore, I mean, my wife, before this movie, you would had a better chance getting my wife to buy my daughter a pack of Marlboro Reds than a Barbie doll. 

‘Now Barbie is a feminist icon, thanks to Greta Gerwig, who many believed deserved to nominated for best director tonight.

‘Hold on a second. I know you’re clapping, but you’re the ones who didn’t vote for her, by the way. Don’t act like you had nothing to do with this.’

The hostilities in Gaza were on the minds of many on Sunday night, with some attendees having to walk the final few yards to the venue after pro-Palestinian protestors closed some roads. Pop star and actress Ariana Grande was among those to be held up. Singer Billie Eilish wore a pin supporting efforts to bring peace.

Accepting the Oscar for documentary feature film 20 Days in Mariupol, Mstylslav Chernov said that this was the first Academy Award in Ukrainian film history.

He said: ‘I will probably be the first director on the stage to say I wish I had never made this film. I wish to exchange this (Oscar) for Russia never invading Ukraine, never occupying our cities, to Russia not killing tens of thousands of Ukrainians.’ 

He went on: ‘I cannot change history, cannot change the past. We can make sure that the history record is set straight and that the truth will prevail and the people of Mariupol and those who have given their lives will never be forgotten.’

Animated short film was won by War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John & Yoko. Their son Sean Ono Lennon was an executive producer on the film which follows two soldiers on opposite sides of a battle playing chess while communicating through carrier pigeon. 

Sean Ono Lennon flashed peace signs from the stage of the Dolby Theatre. He said: ‘My mom turned 91 last month and today is Mother’s Day in the UK, so can everyone please say happy mother’s day Yoko!’ 

Producer Dave Mullins said later: ‘We would like people to talk a little more, kill a little less, I know that sounds naïve.’

The first award of the night was presented to Da’Vine Joy Randolph, who won best actress in a supporting role for playing grieving mother Mary Lamb in The Holdovers. 

In an emotional speech she thanked God, her drama teacher, her mother and her publicist, adding: ‘I am so grateful for all the women who have been by my side.’

She added: ‘You know, I… I didn’t think I was supposed to be doing this as a career. I started off as a singer. And my mother said to me, “Go across that street to that theater department. There’s something for you there.”

‘And I thank my mother for doing that. I thank you to all the people who have stepped in my path and has been there for me, who has ushered me and guided me. 

‘I am so grateful to all of you beautiful people out there.

‘For so long I’ve always wanted to be different, and now I realize I just need to be myself. Ron Van Lieu, I thank you when I was the only black girl in that class, when you saw me and you told me I was enough. 

‘And when I told you I don’t see myself, you said, ‘That’s fine. We’re going to forge our own path. You’re going to lay a trail for yourself.’

The best original screenplay went to Anatomy of a Fall by Justine Triet and Arthur Harari. Triet said: ‘Thank you so much, it will help me through my mid life crisis I think. This is a crazy year. 

The glamour of tonight contrasts slightly with writing… I was stuck in the house with two kids it was lockdown. We hooked them up to cartoons to have peace.’ Harari added: ‘It was like mixed doubles ping pong played by neurotic French.’ 

Triet later said that they had wanted to have Dolly Parton’s song Jolene playing on repeat in the film but failed to get the rights so they ended up with the 50 Cent Song PIMP.

Best adapted screenplay was American Fiction – the first upset of the night, beating Barbie, Poor Things, Oppenheimer and The Zone of Interest.

Writer Cord Jefferson used the platform to make the case for lower budget films. ‘Instead of making one $200 million movie try making twenty $10 million movies. 

‘I want other people to experience that joy. The next Scorsese is out there the next Greta (Gerwig) the next Christopher Nolan. 

‘This has changed my life thank you for trusting a 40 year old black guy who has never directed a movie before.’

Afterwards he said that it had been important to show diversity within diversity in the film, which is about a professor who writes a satire of a ‘black’ book only for the liberal elite to hail it as a masterpiece. 

He said: ‘As Victor Hugo said, nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come. We didn’t have a big marketing budget so we relied on word of mouth a lot. 

‘Hopefully the lesson here is that there is an audience here for things that are different. 

‘A story with black characters that is going to appeal to a lot of people doesn’t need to take place in a plantation in the projects to have drug dealers in it.’

Another surprise was the win for animated film The Boy and The Heron over Spider-man: Across The Spiderverse.

Poor Things won Best Make Up and Hairstyling, again a surprise as many had thought that this was Maestro’s best chance to convert one of its nominations into a win.

Production design – which many thought might go to Barbie- went to Poor Things. Accepting the Oscar, James Price said: ‘This is crazy! I feel in the mood for love and custard tarts.’ 

Again, many thought that Barbie would win costume design, and again this went to Poor Things.

The Zone of Interest – about Rudolf Hess and his family living just outside Auschwitz, was Britain’s interest in the best international film category and won. 

Writer and director Jonathan Glazer said: ‘All our choices were made to reflect and confront us in the present, not to say look what they did then, but rather look what we do now.’ Our film shows where dehumanization leads at its worst. 

‘It’s shaped all of our past and present. Right now, we stand here as men who refute their Jewishness and the Holocaust being hijacked by an occupation which has led to conflict for so many innocent people.’

‘Whether the victims of October — whether the victims of October the 7th in Israel or the ongoing attack on Gaza, all the victims of this dehumanization, how do we resist?’ 

Leading actress Sandra Huller cried copiously as he spoke.

Visual effects went to Oscar Godzilla Minus One. Documentary short film was won by The Last Repair Shop.

Now that winter is almost over, many enthusiastic garden enthusiasts have already started preparing their outdoor space for the coming summer.

But before you run outside to work on your garden, find out what common task could potentially destroy the grass, as explained by the gardener, the one and only Monty Don.

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Although the lawns need to be mowed in March, there is a crucial mistake to avoid, Monty shared with fans on his website.

According to the expert – who recently confirmed the return of iconic BBC series – fellow garden enthusiasts should not mow their lawn ‘too short’.

“Just give it a light trim for the rest of this month,” the whiz kid explained the mail.

“This promotes good root growth and the grass will therefore be a lot healthier and better able to withstand summer drought.”

The 68-year-old, who has been dubbed a ‘sex siren’ by admirers, also urged gardeners to take a different approach when working on their outdoor space.

‘Put your efforts into healthy grass rather than fighting perceived ‘problems’ such as daisies, moss, ants, worms, moles, plantains, dandelions and fairy rings.

“If the grass is healthy, nine times out of ten everything will take care of itself.”

According to the whizz, you can also tell a lot about the health of your lawn just by looking at the grass – and it’s bad news if your garden is covered in moss.

”The best grass likes very well-drained soil. For example, moss is always a symptom of poor drainage, exacerbated by shade.

“Unfortunately, even the best prepared soil becomes compacted by felted roots, rain and especially normal family use.”

The answer here, he noted, was to work on it at least once a year – simply by sticking a fork in the soil and then wiggling it back and forth; a process you will need to repeat approximately every 6 inches.

You can then mix together equal portions of sieved topsoil, sharp sand and sieved leaf mold or compost.

For those who don’t have these things, Monty said sharp or silver sand works fine too.

”Spread it over the puncture site and brush it with a stiff broom, filling the holes with the mixture.

“This will improve drainage and nourish the grass,” the guru told his superfans.

When it comes to preparing your lawn for the upcoming warmer season, Monty also urged giving the area ”a good scratch” with a wire rake.

This simple but effective step removes any overwintering thatch and moss, while also allowing light and water into the soil and grass roots.

”Put the debris on the compost and then mow. It will look a little bare for about a week, but will grow back thicker than ever.”

By Eleanor Dye

Published: 02:57 EST, March 7, 2024 | Updated: 03:26 EST, March 7, 2024

There’s something beyond a first-class plane cabin.

This.

The Residence. Etihad’s A380 ‘hotel suite in the sky’, which features a private lounge, an ensuite shower and toilet, and a separate bedroom with a double bed. I’ve been inside it all of one minute and already concluded it’s surely the world’s best plane cabin. Seat pitch, legroom – irrelevancies here.

I’m giddy with excitement and desperate to have a good look around but a first-class passenger opposite asks if I can stand aside for a moment while he steps inside and films it. A cabin with celebrity status.

What’s more, there are notable millionaire-pleasing pre and post-flight VIP extras, as I discover when I fly from Heathrow to Abu Dhabi in Etihad’s top seat, before returning in business class to discover how far back into the plane the luxury extends.

A CABIN ‘LIKE NO OTHER’

My Residence experience begins at Heathrow Terminal 4, where I’m granted access to a swanky hidden VIP lounge.

Who’s in it? Me. And my personal butler.

There’s a luxurious sofa suite, a TV, a little kitchen – and a table set for one.

My attentive butler delivers hot, smooth coffee and pastries, and Aaron, another charming Etihad attendant collects me when it’s time to board and delivers me in person to the door of the aircraft, after pointing out the best place to capture video and pictures of the double-decker that’ll take me to the Middle East.

I step aboard with beaming crew members reaching out to shake my hand and introduce themselves.

The Residence – designed by London-based Acumen Design Associates – is seat 1A and it’s located at the very front of the top deck of the aircraft – a supersized, upgraded version of Etihad’s already very-enticing-indeed first-class cabin.

Ever-buoyant flight-attendant Claudia ushers me through to my deluxe domain for the next seven hours, and once my fellow passenger has finished his mini movie, the next-level VIP-ness begins in earnest.

Claudia gives me a tour of the cabin, but there’s so much to take in, so many buttons and storage options and modes of relaxation to entwine oneself in that the unveiling of the suite’s treasures happens in stages.

Claudia shows me how the vast cinematic TV in the private lounge can be operated from a handset to the side of my sofa. Yes, sofa. Big enough to fit two side by side in comfort and one that wouldn’t look out of place in a boutique hotel. Then she guides me through to my ensuite-for-one, which has a shower in a completely enclosed cubicle and toiletries by Acqua di Parma.

So far, so… ridiculous.

Beyond the ensuite is my double bedroom, which can be sealed off with a partition door.

The suite itself has a privacy door, so this can become a cocoon within the cocoon.

Talk about dreamy.

The bed, which is flush to the left-hand wall, is roomy enough for two and is festooned with luxe pillows and cushions – and it’s anything but a squeeze walking up and down the space. Claustrophobes have nothing to fear.

And what have we here resting on the covers? Black pyjamas that are softer than a baby bunny’s behind and an eye-catching (highly reusable) Acqua di Parma amenity kit. Good brand. However, the kudos is slightly tainted as it doesn’t exactly feel stuffed with goodies – there are four sanitising wipes and sanitiser gel (which don’t count as goodies), plus lip balm, a miniscule bottle of cologne, body lotion, an eye mask, flight socks, and a toothbrush and toothpaste. Feels more business than first class.

But what else? There’s a second TV with controls on one side and lights that can be orchestrated to produce a variety of tranquil moods. I’m particularly enamoured by the lantern-effect light that runs along one side of the mattress.

The private lounge area is also an incredibly pleasant space to spend time in – comfy enough not just for a seven-hour flight to Abu Dhabi but 80 days around the world.

Both sides of the sofa can be reclined and the facing ottomans glide in and out at the touch of a button to serve as footrests.

There are two windows in The Residence each with two blinds – one that filters sunlight, one that blocks it out – that can be lowered by arrow-shaped buttons underneath them.

Storage? It’s everywhere – in the ottomans (the padding doubles as a lid), there’s a mini wardrobe for coats, and multiple bags can simply be slid under the bed.

The service, meanwhile, is the toppest of top-tier – five-star-hotel standard. Attentive, charming, thoughtful, graceful.

And the food and beverage offering is excellent.

I begin proceedings with a welcome glass of crisp Billecart-Salmon 2016 Champagne. Well, it is 9am after all, late in the day to start drinking for some fliers.

And once we hit cruise altitude, out comes a Duval-Leroy rose premier cru fizz livener.

Claudia explains that I can order whatever food and drink I like from the menu at any time – there is no demeaning ‘meal service’ at this end of the plane.

Lunch is a banquet. There’s linen. A showplate. Perfectly placed cutlery. A huge wine list to drink in.

I begin with Oscietra caviar with salmon; then artfully arranged and deliciously succulent lobster tail with orange segments and grapefruit; chicken breast with crispy lamb belly crumb and colcannon mash follows, and sticky toffee pudding makes for a delicious denouement.

Indulgent and deeply tasty the lot of it.

To accompany the fodder, I opt for four tasting measures of the white wines on offer – a honeyed Burgundian Pouilly Fuisse Le Renard by Devillard; an elegant Cuvee Caroline by Chateau de Chantegrive from Bordeaux; a crisp Gruner Veitliner by ‘Laurenz V’ from Austria; and an ‘ultra-premium’ Chilian Chardonnay by Concha Y Toro.

After a mooch around the first and business-class lobby – where high-flying flyers can relax on semi-circular high-back banquettes and enjoy a drinks service – it’s time for a shower. A notion I never thought I’d be able entertain on a passenger plane.

Claudia prepares the suite, hanging out a towel and robe, then I enjoy five minutes of lovely warm water jetting out at quite a decent rate of knots, before reclining on the bed in the robe as the A380 begins its descent into Abu Dhabi’s stunning new Zayed International Airport – Terminal A.

It’s been a wildly extravagant ride in what must be the world’s best commercial airline passenger seat.

BUSINESS CLASS RETURN – THE LOUNGE

On the way back, my business-class ticket grants me access to an Etihad lounge at Zayed International Airport that’s world class – three floors of wanton (complimentary) luxury.

There is a live cooking station serving local and international dishes, a bar worthy of a five-star hotel, 18 shower suites, games rooms for adults and children, and more modish seating that you can shake a neck pillow at. I am given a sneak peek at the first-class area, which features inviting semi-cocooned private seating areas shielded by elegant curtains.

Some of the gates connect to the lounge, which faces the runway, with huge windows affording guests magnificent views of manoeuvering planes – including A380 superjumbos.

If you’re an Etihad lounge user and your flight is departing from one of the gates connected to the lounge, you can board directly. Mine is. And it only takes a couple of minutes to go from bar to air bridge, with beaming staff on hand to make sure I don’t take a wrong turn and end up in a shower suite by accident.

As my plane backs away from the airport, I admire the mesmerising wavy rooftop of the airport, which mirrors the UAE’s undulating dunes.

THE IN-FLIGHT BUSINESS-CLASS EXPERIENCE

The business-class cabin, on the top deck, is smothered in Etihad’s signature brown and cream hues, with the all-aisle-access seats arranged in a 1-2-1 configuration.

Mine – seat 19C – is facing backwards, which I don’t mind, it makes the take-off and landing extra-fun.

Let’s take a look around.

There is a slightly downgraded version of the Residence Acqua di Parma amenity kit – more of a pouch than a bag and no body lotion – a window with button-operated double blinds a la The Residence, a decent-sized entertainment screen that seems dutifully responsive and over-ear headphones good enough to keep most audiophiles content.

Storage is convenient and useful – a lid to my right opens to reveal two compartments big enough for wallets, books and water bottles – and there are plenty of flat surfaces to place small items on. The seat’s infrastructure includes a built-in ‘table’ to my right, the lid of the storage box doubles as another small table and I end up putting my selfie-stick camera on a small shelf that runs along the wall.

The seat, meanwhile, is big and comfortable, with an array of buttons enabling me to slide it to a lie-flat position and increase the lumbar support.

In addition, there’s a wonderfully luxurious blanket to snuggle with and two good-quality cushions for extra support.

Legroom for my 5ft 10in frame is plentiful, while privacy is mixed. My seat is open to the cabin, but I can slide a small partition door part way across, which increases the cocooning factor to satisfactory levels.

The ergonomics are very impressive. All the buttons for the seat have been thoughtfully positioned to my right and my welcome glass of Champagne by ‘rising-star’ label EPC sits on that built-in ‘table’, and can be brought to my lips without any strain at all.

No business-class customer will countenance straining for fizz.

In the end, I thoroughly enjoy the flight. The seat proves comfortably comfortable for a seven-hour trip, the service is pleasant and prompt – and my meal is several rungs above any economy offering.

I opt for an Arabic mezze for my starter, which is fresh and tasty, and I have a delicious chicken madhbi for my main – succulent and sensuously spicy.

To drink, it’s a vibrant and citrusy Bordeaux Sauvignon Blanc by Chateau Thieuley and just before we begin our descent it’s sparkling water and smooth coffee. (Coffee is unsafe on planes? Cobblers.)

The flight attendant forgets the milk, so I press the call button to request some – and he’s there at my side in seconds. The cabin is packed, so bonus marks.

The verdict? The Residence is clearly in a class of its own, but Etihad’s business class certainly isn’t worlds apart.

Famous Big Brother star Gary Goldsmith didn’t take long to open up about his connection to the royal family as the uncle of the Princess of Wales.

The 58-year-old businessman, Carole Middleton’s younger brother, opened up about his relationship with Kate for the first time during the launch episode on Monday.

And in the upcoming episode, Gary will discuss his relationship with the royals in more detail as he is examined by co-stars Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne.

Gary doesn’t hold back, explaining that it’s ‘difficult at the best of times’ to get a hold of his niece Kate, who is currently recovering from abdominal surgery.

Louis asks, “Is it difficult for you to be related to famous people?”

Gary, who made millions running a recruitment business, said: ‘I didn’t vote for it, it happened to me, and then suddenly there’s a spotlight on you.’

Discussing his thoughts on his nickname, he says, “They call me the couple! Have you heard of a couple? Bad uncle, apparently every family has them.’

Gary has been married four times and was convicted in 2017 of assaulting his fourth wife, Julie-Ann.

He pleaded guilty to one count of assault and was fined £5,000 and given a 12-month community order with 20 rehabilitation sessions.

Gary then admits: ‘It’s hard to get through to Kate at the best of times, and she has children and I love that she puts family first.’

Kate was seen for the first time since her operation during a trip in the car with her mother Carole and is expected to return to work at Easter.

Gary also admits that he thinks Will and Kate are both the “savior of the royal family” and the heirs to the throne.

Louis presses: “I have to ask you: have you met Meghan Markle?”

During Monday’s explosive launch episode, as Gary prepared to enter the house, host AJ Odudu wasted no time in asking him if his royal niece would be tuning in.

Gary joked: ‘She’ll hide behind the sofa if she watches’.

Gary, who is reportedly worth £30million, has had a close relationship with the Princess of Wales over the years and attended her wedding to Prince William in 2011.

Kate was a bridesmaid at Gary’s first wedding to sales manager Miranda Foote in 1991, and her uncle previously revealed how the heartbroken royal sought solace at his Ibiza villa after a split with William.

Kate has been away from official royal engagements following major surgery in January, with Kensington Palace insisting last week that she was still ‘doing well’.

She has not been seen at royal events since attending church at Sandringham with William and their children George, Charlotte and Louis on Christmas Day.

Gary is said to have told friends he won’t do anything to hurt Kate or William, but he has previously attacked Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, which is why they could now be in the line of fire.

The star also admitted that he hopes his appearance on Big Brother will show audiences a different side of him.

He said: ‘I often read that people think I’m a bit of a naughty boy. It would be nice to sort things out, but turning people on is probably one of my favorite hobbies.

“Every part of me is just drenched in mischief and danger.”

Referring to his four marriages, he added: ‘I’m an absolute nightmare to live with, there’s a reason I’ve had four wives.’

Speaking to hosts AJ and Will as he entered the house, he added: “I take everyone at face value, but if they’re a bit mean or a bit rude, I’ll be the enforcer.”

Gary spoke exclusively The sun in January: “I spoke to Carole to send my love and we talked about Kate, given what’s going on.

‘A lot happens during the family moment. So she’s spinning a lot of plates at the moment, it’s quite stressful. So the last thing I’m going to do is stress them out.”

He added: “I think they [Carole] will probably be looking at me from behind the sofa, a bit worried, but I do think if Gary saw the best version she would be very proud of me – that’s what we were hoping for!’

Gary has previously spoken out in support of Kate – including in the Mail on Sunday in March 2021 following Harry and Meghan’s infamous interview with Oprah Winfrey.

He said at the time: ‘I’ve known Kate since she was born and she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. It’s just not in her nature.

‘She is even more beautiful on the inside than on the outside. If anyone had a hissy fit, it must have been Meghan. Kate is said to have tried to make peace. I would fight for Kate’s honor until the day I die. She is the most spectacular person I have ever met.”

He previously spoke out against Harry and Meghan following the release of Spare and is known for his outspoken opinions on the couple. Writing for the Mail last year, he branded Harry’s autobiography Spare as ‘prickly, egotistical…fluff’.

Elsewhere in the upcoming episode, Zeze Millz questions Louis about why she was chosen as one of the three potentially eliminated this week.

Fern says to Sharon, “How could you have judged three at once? Horrible!’

Louis comes face to face with Zeze, who asks, “What were the criteria?”

Louis replies, “I’m not saying that, it was who we liked and didn’t like!” I added that it was ‘I can’t say more about first impressions.’

Zeze asks, “You didn’t like me on first impressions?”