Dear Jane,

I married my husband 26 years ago this week, but all those years I kept a terrible secret from him.

Six months before we got married, I developed what you might call cold feet.

We’d been together since I was sixteen, I’d never really been in a relationship with another man, and it suddenly dawned on me that I would never have that opportunity again in the future when we were officially husband and wife. I would also like to point out that I wouldn’t want that opportunity either.

I love my husband, I have loved him throughout our entire marriage. But when I was young, I didn’t really understand how the world works, that when you find love, you should hold on to it and not run in the other direction.

But running is exactly what I did: straight into the arms of another man.

I had been saving myself for marriage, which had always been my plan and something my husband and I talked about a lot. But something came over me in this other relationship, I got caught up in the excitement and secrecy and ended up having sex for the first time with a man who wasn’t my husband.

I finally came to my senses and broke things off – about four months before my wedding. And I was lucky – or so I thought – that my husband never noticed what was going on. On my wedding night, when we had sex, I pretended to scream in pain to continue the charade.

Nearly thirty years have passed since then; my husband and I have welcomed two wonderful children, and we have lived an incredible life together. One that we can hopefully continue for many years to come.

But the thing is, over the past few years, the guilt over what I did started to eat me inside. My husband often talks about our “special” first night together, and how much it means to him to know that I was so in love with him, that he was the only person I ever wanted to be with.

Every time he brings it up, I nod and smile, and usually try to shut him up with a kiss. But my insides are like a pit full of tar. I feel horrible and dirty and desperate to scrub myself clean.

The guilt inside me seems to grow every day – and I feel like I’ll burst if I don’t confess. Then I realize what it could mean to tell my husband, and I just start sobbing.

How could I have been so foolish as to think that I could risk my marriage and the life I have built to relieve myself of this guilt?

Round and round in circles I go: tell him and risk him ending our marriage? Or live with the never ending guilt?

What would you do?

By,

Hidden guilt

Dear Hidden Guilt,

Congratulations on our 26th anniversary – what a remarkable achievement in today’s times.

You and your husband clearly have a great marriage, despite carrying a terrible secret.

Hidden guilt, your secret isn’t that terrible. While it’s not something that everyone can recommend, given that you met your husband at the age of 16, I imagine that as a very young, innocent woman it would have made perfect sense for you to have sex with someone else. experienced.

I’m sorry that the weight of this secret is still with you; it’s high time you put the secret to bed now.

Although I do not condone secrets in marriages, you were still very young, your decision did not lead to children, and it all happened a very long time ago. The right path forward in any difficult situation is always the path that causes the least pain to everyone involved.

Right now you are experiencing pain, but spreading the secret will only cause more pain and devastation, and I can’t see what good it will do other than relieve you of your burden.

Let go of that burden and focus on your marriage to what sounds like a wonderful man.

By Ashley Nickel for Daily Mail Australia

Published: 08:47 EST, November 22, 2023 | Updated: 09:08 EST, November 22, 2023

Emma Heming Willis talks about the ‘guilt’ she feels about having access to ‘resources’ with her husband Bruce Willis’ fight against dementia.

“If I can take a walk to clear my head, it’s not lost on me that not all care partners can do that,” Heming Willis, 45, wrote in a Saturday, Nov. 11 article for Maria Shriver’s Sunday paper. “If what I share about our family’s journey gets the attention of the press, I know there are many thousands of untold, unheard stories, all deserving of compassion and care.”

In acknowledging her privilege, Heming Willis insisted that it is “important” for her to be an “advocate” for those who “don’t have the time, energy or resources to stand up for themselves.” She noted that she remains open about her struggles, hoping it will help others “feel seen and understood.”

“I want people to know that when I hear from another family affected by FTD, I hear the same story of grief, loss and immense sadness from our family in their family,” she added.

The entrepreneur explained that hope is “everything” when it comes to dealing with a family illness. “I feel so much more hopeful today than I did after Bruce was first diagnosed,” she said. “I now understand this disease better and am now connected to an incredible community of support. I am hopeful that I have found a new purpose – which I admittedly would never have sought out – by using the spotlight to help and empower others.

In March 2022, Heming Willis and Willis’ ex-wife, Demi Moore, revealed that Willis would be taking a step back from the spotlight as he battled aphasia. Earlier this year, the family announced that the actor had received a “more specific diagnosis”: frontotemporal dementia. “Today there are no treatments for the disease, a reality that we hope may change in the coming years,” they wrote via Instagram in February.

Heming Willis – who shares daughters Mabel, 11, and Evelyn, 9, with the That hard star – has often been candid about her ups and downs and continues to help her husband through his health struggles. Appears in a September episode of the Today show as part of World Frontotemporal Dementia Awareness Week, she revealed that it was both a “blessing and [a] curse” to shed light on Willis’ condition.

“It doesn’t make it any less painful, but just the fact that you accept it and know what’s happening to Bruce just makes it a little bit easier,” she said.

Follow her Today appearance, Bruce’s daughters Tallulah Willis29, and Scout Willis, 32, took to social media to praise their stepmother for her strength. (Bruce shares daughters Tallulah, Scout and Rumer Willis35, with Moore, 61. The couple was married for more than a decade before splitting in 2000.)

“I really couldn’t be more proud of @emmahemingwillis for being willing to be in the public eye (even though it’s terrifying!!!) to share our family’s story in service of spreading awareness about FTD,” Scout gushed via her Instagram Story at the time. “Emma, ​​you are such a champion for this cause and you inspire me EVERY F-KING DAY.”

The unwavering support is what is helping the family get through it, a source exclusively revealed We weekly in April 2022, noting that Bruce is “blessed to have them” around. “They all pull together, and that’s what matters.”

Heming Willis, meanwhile, wrote in her Sunday newspaper article that hopes that despite the more difficult days, she and her loved ones will continue to “find joy in the little things” and “in coming together to celebrate all the moments life has to offer.”

“I know I still have so much to learn about FTD, this community and how research into the disease is evolving. But I’m finding my footing,” she said. “As much as I regret this experience every day – as I know so many others do – I also know that it has made me stronger than I ever thought possible.”

Last week something surprising happened. I bought a pair of brown corduroy pants, something I haven’t worn since my mother bought my clothes in the 1970s.

There are a few black cords in my wardrobe, but I didn’t think about them when I picked up the brown pair: I didn’t think, ‘Wait a minute, the black ones will do just as well,’ because they wouldn’t. ‘T.

They would look colder, older and more ordinary, and certainly not so in the fall of 2023.

What’s surprising is that the color I last wore to any significant extent in my teenage years is not only in fashion, but also looks like an easy and obvious alternative to black.

When I went outside with the cords on on Friday (more of the clubbing appropriateness of brown in a minute), a friend swooped down to look at my legs and exclaimed, “Brown? Ooh! Nice!’.

Later, when my fashion editor friend called and I told her I had just bought some cords, she just assumed they were brown.

She also guessed it was Me+Em (£195, meandem.com), which is a great style, barely flared, with patch pockets and a mid-rise waist, as she went on to sing the praises of Massimo Dutti’s Chocolate Needle Cords (£69, 95, massimodutti.com) and Marks & Spencer’s bitter chocolate corduroy wide leg trousers (£39.50, marksandspencer.com).

She would say that I am late to the brown party: all shades of brown, from caramel to 90 percent cocoa, are the new basic colors of the wardrobe. And it’s true, I’ve been slow to accept this fact.

But there’s no other way to say this: brown really is the new black, especially when it’s dark enough to require a double take.

If you’re buying a basic building block for your wardrobe, dark brown is now the color that looks new and polished, the color that goes well with all the other colors out there, from bright blue and plum to red and green.

When you’re young, you can wear all shades of brown everywhere if you want; if you’re not young, it has the same benefits as navy blue: it’s softer, warmer, and more forgiving against older skin than black, and it works well around the clock, if not better.

For example, you can wear a colored top with chocolate brown pants and look smart and ready or dressed for work on Friday evening; while bright colors and black together always look a bit like Christmas parties.

Likewise, brown and light gray or cream is a luxurious-looking combination for daytime use, while black plus gray or cream has the potential to look cold.

It is easier to experiment with colors if you combine them with brown. And brown is less formal and more evening-friendly than neutrals like gray.

It’s also true that brown isn’t nearly as easy to wear for us adults as it is for our daughters.

You need to consider the texture (chocolate corduroy or velvet is very different from a flat brown crepe). A little shine is a must, and tone is crucial.

And don’t wear it next to your face. There’s nothing that can kill a complexion faster than a donkey or a mouse, and if you want to avoid accidentally looking like a penitent, stick to the bitter chocolates and don’t wear these from head to toe.

Luxury shirt company With Nothing Underneath (WNU) has added a delicious-looking chocolate poplin shirt to its range (£95, withnothingunderneath.com) that has that crucial bit of shine and would make a great alternative to a black top for dressing up jeans (just add a midnight blue velvet jacket – £79, marksandspencer.com).

M&S has a satin midaxi slip skirt in chocolate (£35), which you can wear during the day with boots and a hip-length turtleneck or a longer jumper with side slits.

Otherwise, try a pencil skirt with a bit of shine (£87, arket.com), less intense than black and neat with an open blazer.

Brown is a color that always looks best in more luxurious fabrics.

A faux leather-effect blazer (£89.99, shop.mango.com) or a single-breasted blazer in bitter chocolate (£79, marksandspencer.com) worn over a black jumper and trousers for the office looks stealth-rich and businesslike out. then assassin.

Finally, a dark orange-brown will make a sassy alternative to a black tuxedo (€119, shop.mango.com) this festive season, with matching trousers (€79.99).

Wes Streeting has opened up about the “survivor guilt” he feels about his battle with kidney cancer when he spoke about his experience on the anniversary of Dame Deborah James’ death.

Speaking of Lorraine, the Labor Party MP has been candid about undergoing treatment during the pandemic and seeing incredible people, including Margaret McDonagh, die from the disease.

The 40-year-old politician – who was declared cancer-free in 2021 – admitted that stories about the disease “hit differently now”.

Reflecting on the loss of Dame Deborah, known as Bowel Babe – who died in June 2022 at the age of 40, five years after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer – Wes said he struggles with the feelings it evokes.

“Especially stories like Deborah’s where it had an unfortunate ending,” he said.

“I think, to some extent, I have a certain amount of survivor guilt because you think ‘well, why did I do well and why didn’t I?’

And a dear friend of mine Margaret McDonagh – the first woman to become Secretary-General of the Labor Party – she recently died of brain cancer and it hit me really hard because she’s a friend and one of my political heroes.

“And you think, why are there 3,500 people like Margaret every year who are diagnosed with brain cancer and there is no hope of a cure. It’s a death sentence.’

Wes stressed that he was “really lucky with his diagnosis.”

The Ilford North MP was hospitalized in March 2021 with pain from a kidney stone, before a scan revealed a malignant tumor on the same kidney.

Two months later, the then 38-year-old went to hospital in London for a day-long biopsy, followed by three days of cancer treatment.

He was on his own all the time due to the tight pandemic restrictions.

“I was maybe 38. It might have been very rare and unusual, but I knew I wasn’t going to die,” he told Lorraine Kelly today.

‘I had one of the best kidney cancer surgeons in the world through the NHS. The only thing I didn’t have to worry about was the bill.’

Wes added that he had “amazing nurses taking care of him.”

“The pandemic made it difficult because I remember going to the… hospital where the surgery took place – I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lonely in my life…

“Leaving Joe, my partner and my father…

‘But what have I to complain about? I’m here, I’m healthy, I’m cancer-free and I’ve come back from it by running even faster and working even harder because I have a zest for life.’

The MP has released a new book about his life and upbringing – One Boy, Two Bills and a Fry Up.

In it he talks about his youth and working-class background.

Last week, the Shadow Health Secretary was one of many mourning the loss of Margaret McDonagh, Labour’s first female general secretary, who has died aged 61.

“I will feel blessed for the rest of my life to have known Margaret McDonagh,” he tweeted.

‘Labour’s first female general secretary and the best of the best. Definitely an integral part of Labor’s victory in 1997 and what it delivered. Sending so much love to Siobhain and everyone who knew and loves this icon.”

Her death comes as her sister Siobhain McDonagh, Labor MP for Mitcham and Morden, gave a speech in the House of Commons earlier this year accusing the NHS of ‘abandoning’ her sister when she was treated for brain cancer.

She fought back tears as she criticized the lack of progress in brain cancer treatment since 2005 in the NHS, explaining that her sister was on a course of treatment that involved a monthly four-day trip to Düsseldorf, Germany.

She said Baroness McDonagh had the tumor removed in surgery at the Royal National Neurological Hospital just before Christmas, but only after the operation had been canceled by the NHS three times before.

Baroness McDonagh was described as an ‘unstoppable force of nature’ and a ‘tireless champion of women’ when her tribute was paid to her today.

Labor leader Sir Keir Starmer praised her “absolutely essential” role as election coordinator in the party’s 1997 general election victory.