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Overweight Britons who travelled the world on a quest to lose weight as part of a new Channel 4 series were brought to tears after meeting a 27-year-old woman in Tonga who had both legs amputated after developing diabetes. The second episode of the series, Around the World in 80 Weighs, which will air tonight, sees follows six […]

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Overweight Britons who travelled the world on a quest to lose weight as part of a new Channel 4 series were brought to tears after meeting a 27-year-old woman in Tonga who had both legs amputated after developing diabetes.

The second episode of the series, Around the World in 80 Weighs, which will air tonight, sees follows six people, all overweight, from around the UK travel to the Polynesian kingdom of Tonga to learn about weight loss.

Tonga is one of the fattest nations on earth, with 93 per cent of the population overweight. 

The visit is a stark contrast to the previous episode, where the Brits headed to Japan, where  only 4 per cent of the population are obese compared to 25 per cent of Britons. 

Leaving Japan behind, this week the tourists travel to Tonga to meet a young woman who has lost both her legs. 

Overweight Britons who travelled the world on a quest to lose weight as part of a new Channel 4 series were brought to tears after meeting a 27-year-old woman in Tonga who had both legs amputated after developing diabetes

The group meet a young woman who has had both her legs amputated due to diabetes

The group meet a young woman who has had both her legs amputated due to diabetes

Winnie takes the group to the local diabetes clinic, where they meet a young woman who, at the age of 27, has lost both of her legs

Winnie takes the group to the local diabetes clinic, where they meet a young woman who, at the age of 27, has lost both of her legs

There they meet Ofeina, who is battling to turn around the island nation’s extreme obesity crisis, and Winnie, who, at only 28 years of age, is 47 stone. 

Winnie takes the group to the local diabetes clinic, where they meet a young woman who, at the age of 27, has lost both of her legs. 

One of the group, Tiffany, is visibly moved by the experience.

‘I’m a bit speechless to be honest,’ she says to camera.

‘She’s only 27, that’s only two years [older] than me,’ the NHS waste coordinator added.

‘And she has no legs’.

‘I’m just so shocked, it’s hard to put it into words.

‘I would be mortified and horrified if I had to have both legs amputated’ 

The woman’s doctor explained that she had been worried to come to the doctor, after cutting her leg.

The group meet with locals who are tackling the obesity epidemic in Tonga

The group meet with locals who are tackling the obesity epidemic in Tonga

Six Brits all want to loose weight and are travelling the world to do so

Six Brits all want to loose weight and are travelling the world to do so

But the wounds developed into sepsis, eventually leading to her needing an amputation.

Another of the group, Russell adds: ‘My father also passed away and it’s his anniversary in a couple of weeks and he had diabetes and things like that. It’s horrible. It’s like the worst feeling to lose a parent.’

Marisa, 31, added: ‘I’m just so shocked, it’s actually quite hard to put it into words. Like I’d be absolutely mortified and horrified if I had to have both of my legs amputated.’

 ‘I’m personally glad that I’ve seen this. I feel like this is so brutally honest. 

‘Diabetes, it isn’t a game, it isn’t something that you can just brush under the carpet. I need to stop any sugar. 

‘If I left it for another couple of years, I think I could end up the same with diabetes and I just think, ‘”Just don’t waste your time. Life is so short, just don’t waste time. You need to sort yourself out now.’

Marisa (pictured), 31, added: 'I'm just so shocked, it's actually quite hard to put it into words. Like I'd be absolutely mortified and horrified if I had to have both of my legs amputated

Marisa (pictured), 31, added: ‘I’m just so shocked, it’s actually quite hard to put it into words. Like I’d be absolutely mortified and horrified if I had to have both of my legs amputated

‘I know we have talked quite a lot about like death and dying and everything, but that is literally like the brutal truth, isn’t it, if we don’t change how we are.’

Elsewhere in the episode, Marisa, develops a close relationship with 47-stone Winnie, and realises that the two of them share many challenges – and that, just as she doesn’t want Winnie to die young from her weight, neither does Marisa’s family at home want to lose her.

‘Tonga is one of the most unhealthy countries in the world. I think ranking third heaviest in the world.’ says Ofeina, CEO of government body Tonga Health.

‘If we want to lose weight, we have to watch what we are eating. Here in Tonga 99.9 percent of our adult population are vulnerable to carrying non-communicable diseases. And 85 percent of death is directly related to weight.’

 At the end of each leg of their journey they are weighed together on a giant scale, to see if their hard work – and the shocking things they’ve seen – have helped them achieve their goals.

Around the World in 80 Weighs follows six people from across Britain who are each living with obesity as they travel across continents to learn about the obesity crisis in different countries.

Many Tongans are overweight, pictured is one of the islanders the group meet

Many Tongans are overweight, pictured is one of the islanders the group meet

Why are so many Tongans overweight? 

The traditional Tongan diet consists mostly of root vegetables, bananas, coconuts and fresh seafood from the ocean – the main staple of any island nation. 

However, since the 19th and 20th centuries, offcuts of meat began arriving at the island, including the notorious mutton flaps and turkey tails – fat-saturated bits of gristle and skin – which are waste products from affluent countries.

The cheap, fatty sheep offcuts have proven popular in the country in recent years but the meat has contributed to an obesity epidemic among the South Sea islanders.

Officially, the country one ofthe fattest in the world. 

Some 92 per cent of adults over 30 are clinically obese, 20 per cent have diabetes and, with a national diet of pork, lamb fat, imported corned beef, mutton flaps (a particularly high-fat cut from sheep that is normally discarded on health grounds), yams and coconuts, that’s unlikely to change. 

The contestants set out to discover the implications of their own health and to meet people in each country who might be able to help them lead healthier lives and lose weight along the way.

It comes after the group travelled to Japan  in a quest to learn weight loss secrets were left upset by their experience in Tokyo where people stared, pointed and laughed at them. 

The first episode of Channel 4’s latest series, Around the World in 80 Weighs, which aired last night, follows six contestants from around the UK who ventured to Japan, where only 4 per cent of the population are obese compared to 25 per cent of Britons.

Workers are legally obliged to do a morning exercise session – and have their waists measured by their employers – and with obesity so uncommon in Japan, the participants quickly stood out from the crowds in suburban Tokyo where members of the public openly gawked at them.

‘As we walked past all of the school kids pointed and laughed at us,’ said Tiffany, 24, who admits she needs help to ‘not eat c**p all day every day’. ‘I’m starting to feel a bit self-conscious, as we’re walking, everybody’s staring. 

Marisa (pictured left) and Tiffany (pictured right) were made to feel 'self-conscious' after being stared at in the streets of Japan

Marisa (pictured left) and Tiffany (pictured right) were made to feel ‘self-conscious’ after being stared at in the streets of Japan

‘They’re so open about being rude,’ she continued. ‘Why would you point and laugh at another human being? It’s just cruel.’ 

‘It just blows my mind that you’re not allowed to be who you are and you just have to fit it,’ agreed 31-year-old Marisa. 

‘I don’t feel like I should be here,’ Marisa continued. She added: ‘In this country I don’t feel comfortable, and for me personally, it isn’t somewhere I would come back.’

The young women braved their journey through the busy streets despite appearing dejected from the humiliation. 

They joined the rest of the group to meet with their tour guides – YouTubers called Mr and Mrs Eats – who admitted that upon meeting the group, it was their first time seeing ‘bigger people’ in the flesh. 

‘Obese people are extremely rare,’ said Mrs Eats/ ‘Do we have obese people in our town, maybe. But I just don’t see them at all.’ 

She explained to the group: ‘A lot of Japanese people are very disciplined. We believe that harmony is very important, so that if you are too big and you stand out too much, you kind of destroy the harmony in society in a way.’ 

The group move in with the couple for a few days to learn a new approach to eating, and are served a meal of miso soup, fresh veg and meat and fish.

The participants complained that members of the Japanese public openly gawked at them as they stood in the streets

The participants complained that members of the Japanese public openly gawked at them as they stood in the streets 

The group were publicly humiliated as people stopped to stare at them in the streets because of their size

The group were publicly humiliated as people stopped to stare at them in the streets because of their size 

Tiffany, Marisa, and Therryi-Jay followed YouTuber Mrs Eats on a tour of the surburban streets of Tokyo

Tiffany, Marisa, and Therryi-Jay followed YouTuber Mrs Eats on a tour of the surburban streets of Tokyo 

They are only allowed to eat with chopsticks so that they eat slowly, giving more time to digest their food. They are told to eat in a triangle, by trying a little bit from each plate at a time, and to finish when they are 80 per cent full. 

Contestants faced scrutiny from cameras, the intrusive eyes of mocking strangers, and now their tour guides.  

Reality TV shows have become all too accustomed to the dwindling mental health of their participants, and if there was any support from medical professionals throughout the show, there was no evidence of it.

Instead, the support system was formed of Mr and Mrs Eats, who toured the six around the city and judged them as they went along. 

They struggled to comprehend the participant’s lifestyle and fuelled feelings of discomfort for the viewers by talking down to the participants.

From measured waistlines to being pointed and laughed at in public, Japan’s weight loss lessons quickly became shrouded by continuous embarrassment.

The group were subjected to more shame at the end of the episode when they visited a spa to find the open-plan public changing rooms – prompting further shame.

Later in the trip, the group also partook in a Japanese practice called Rajio Taiso.

Obesity rates in Japan 

Adult males – 4.97 percent

Adult females – 3.87 percent

Male children – 4.99 percent 

Female children – 1.73 percent 

Source – Global Obesity Observatory

Obesity rates in the UK 

Adult males – 27.8 percent

Adult females – 29.7 percent

Male children – 10.87 percent 

Female children – 9.37 percent 

Source – Global Obesity Observatory

The six participants arrived at their first destination of Japan and discussed their goals for the stay

The six participants arrived at their first destination of Japan and discussed their goals for the stay 

The group were pleased to meet their tour guides in Japan - food YouTubers called Mr and Mrs Eats

The group were pleased to meet their tour guides in Japan – food YouTubers called Mr and Mrs Eats 

After meeting the other participants, Marisa and Russell realised that they were the largest members of the group

After meeting the other participants, Marisa and Russell realised that they were the largest members of the group 

Susan tucked in to her traditional Japanese lunch, which included miso soup and plain white rice

Susan tucked in to her traditional Japanese lunch, which included miso soup and plain white rice 

To help combat obesity, the Japanese government broadcasts an exercise class  every morning, and it’s the law that workers across the country pause to work out together.

In 2008, Western eating habits sparked a rise in obesity in Japan, and the government introduced a law making the employees responsible for monitoring waistlines.

Individuals are measured at work and waistlines should be no more than 85cm for males and 90cm for females.

The group were initially surprised about the association between work and healthcare, but after learning more, they found it to be an admirable aspect of Japanese culture.

Around The World In 80 Weighs, Tuesdays, 9pm, Channel 4. 

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Around the World in 80 Weighs: Obese Britons decide they’re not so big after all as they visit Tonga where they’re overwhelmed by the portions sizes and even advise a 300kg woman to ‘check’ her diet https://usmail24.com/around-world-80-weighs-overweight-britons-tonga-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/ https://usmail24.com/around-world-80-weighs-overweight-britons-tonga-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/#respond Tue, 23 Jan 2024 22:15:57 +0000 https://usmail24.com/around-world-80-weighs-overweight-britons-tonga-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/

A group of obese Britons are travelling the globe to learn the weight loss secrets from other cultures, but it seems a visit to Tonga might have been counterproductive.  The latest episode of Channel 4’s Around the World in 80 Weighs, which airs tonight, sees six overweight Britons visit the Polynesian kingdom of Tonga.  During their visit to Japan […]

The post Around the World in 80 Weighs: Obese Britons decide they’re not so big after all as they visit Tonga where they’re overwhelmed by the portions sizes and even advise a 300kg woman to ‘check’ her diet appeared first on USMAIL24.COM.

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A group of obese Britons are travelling the globe to learn the weight loss secrets from other cultures, but it seems a visit to Tonga might have been counterproductive. 

The latest episode of Channel 4’s Around the World in 80 Weighs, which airs tonight, sees six overweight Britons visit the Polynesian kingdom of Tonga. 

During their visit to Japan last week, seen in last week’s show, they were pointed at inthe streets, but Tonga is one of the most fattest nations on earth, with 93 per cent of the population overweight and plagued by obesity-related diseases like diabetes.

While in Japan – where only 4 per cent of the population are obese – they joined office workout sessions, in Tonga the group were treated to a meal of cream cheese and whole-roasted pig in the home of 300kg Winnegate Vaeila.

It led participant Therryi-Jay, 32, to comment that she was ‘proud’ of herself and even advised Winnie to ‘check’ her diet.

The latest episode of Channel 4 ‘s Around the World in 80 Weighs sees Obese Brits travel to Tonga and partake in a meal so unhealthy – they comparatively dubbed themselves an ‘example’ of healthy eating (Pictured: Therryi-Jay, 32, brands herself an ‘example’ of healthy eating compared to 300kg Winnegate Vaeila from Tonga)

Winnie, 28, said she had grown accustomed to large portion sizes and that her stomach needed such amounts to 'fill' her (Pictured: Winnie sits with the cast as they indulge in a large meal at her residence in Tonga)

Winnie, 28, said she had grown accustomed to large portion sizes and that her stomach needed such amounts to ‘fill’ her (Pictured: Winnie sits with the cast as they indulge in a large meal at her residence in Tonga)

After consuming one ‘mutton flap’ and resisting the urge to eat another portion of potato salad that ‘banged’, Therryi turned to the host with a piece of advice. 

She said: ‘If this is what you’re eating all the time, then yeah that’s a lot.

‘I think that’s something – I think Winnie you’ve got to check that baby.

‘Please see us as an example of what you can achieve because nobody wants you to die, you know’.

After delivering her speech, the group became sullen and emotional as they reflected on the unhealthy eating habits that Winnie has grown accustomed to.

Winnie, 28, a married social worker with children, said: ‘We grew up eating like this so we have already adapted to the idea of eating this type of portion.

‘Our stomach already needs that amount of portion to fill us.’

Tonga is one of the most fattest nations on earth, with 93 per cent of the population overweight and plagued by obesity-related diseases like diabetes. Here, Winnie treats the group to humongous metal trays of  corned beef, potato salad, fried chicken and cream cheese and a whole roasted pig (Pictured: Marisa and husband Russell sit next to Winnie)

Tonga is one of the most fattest nations on earth, with 93 per cent of the population overweight and plagued by obesity-related diseases like diabetes. Here, Winnie treats the group to humongous metal trays of  corned beef, potato salad, fried chicken and cream cheese and a whole roasted pig (Pictured: Marisa and husband Russell sit next to Winnie)

They also indulge in fried turkey tails and mutton flaps during dinner

They also indulge in fried turkey tails and mutton flaps during dinner

Winnie, a married social worker and mother, is a native of Tonga and weighs approximately 300kg

Winnie, a married social worker and mother, is a native of Tonga and weighs approximately 300kg

The screen showed a giant table bearing humongous metal trays of mutton flaps, fried turkey tails, corned beef, potato salad, fried chicken and cream cheese and a whole roasted pig.

Russell, 36, revealed he was ‘staggered’ by the amount and even asked Winnie to slow down when dishing his pork – adding: ‘that’s plenty’.

Meanwhile his wife Marisa, 31 – who is looking to lose weight so she can have children – said she was ‘overwhelmed’ by the prepared meal and found it ‘hard’ to deal with.

So bewildered was Marisa, she asked: ‘So is this like a normal-sized portion for this many people or would Tongan people normally have more?’.

She was shocked to discover that this was just a glimpse of what Winnie ate, who responded: ‘more’.

However elsewhere in the episode, another host Ofeina Filimoehala did her best to promote healthier eating choices.

The CEO of government health body Tongan Health, warned the tourists to learn from the struggles of her fellow citizens.

She explained: ‘Obesity is a real problem in Tonga. If you see people that play rugby and if you see our beauty contests – they are overweight.

‘They’ve got a Tongan body. That’s what our people refer to as a Tongan body. But my job is to change that.

During the unhealthy meal, Therryi-Jay commented that she was 'proud' of herself and even advised Winnie to 'check' her diet

During the unhealthy meal, Therryi-Jay commented that she was ‘proud’ of herself and even advised Winnie to ‘check’ her diet

Winnie poses with host Ofeina Filimoehala, the CEO of government health body Tongan Health - who is trying to get the group in shape

Winnie poses with host Ofeina Filimoehala, the CEO of government health body Tongan Health – who is trying to get the group in shape

Why are so many Tongans overweight? 

The traditional Tongan diet consists mostly of root vegetables, bananas, coconuts and fresh seafood from the ocean – the main staple of any island nation. 

However, since the 19th and 20th centuries, offcuts of meat began arriving at the island, including the notorious mutton flaps and turkey tails – fat-saturated bits of gristle and skin – which are waste products from affluent countries.

The cheap, fatty sheep offcuts have proven popular in the country in recent years but the meat has contributed to an obesity epidemic among the South Sea islanders.

Officially, the country one ofthe fattest in the world. 

Some 92 per cent of adults over 30 are clinically obese, 20 per cent have diabetes and, with a national diet of pork, lamb fat, imported corned beef, mutton flaps (a particularly high-fat cut from sheep that is normally discarded on health grounds), yams and coconuts, that’s unlikely to change. 

‘The life expectancy of Tongans has reduced… Tonga is one of the most unhealthy countries in the world. We rank the heaviest in the world’ she concluded.

After the group were shown to the huge holiday mansion with larger-than-life size beds, Ofeina treated them to a local healthy dish, called ota ika.

Ofeina’s version used raw tuna, fresh coconut cream and vegetables. She explained that locals were kept trim on the delicacy until the importation of processed and junk foods caused a surge in weight gain.

While the clan enjoyed its taste, Therryi-Jay branded the portion size ‘crazy’ and hoped there would be much more of it for lunch.

This week’s episode could be viewed as counterproductive for the cast as while they discovered the healthy ota ika, they have also labelled themselves as a shining example to other obese people like Winnie.

Around the World in 80 Weighs follows six people from across Britain who are each living with obesity as they travel across continents to learn about the obesity crisis in different countries.

The clan were so moved by the outlandish portions, that Russell, 36, revealed he was 'staggered' by the amount

The clan were so moved by the outlandish portions, that Russell, 36, revealed he was ‘staggered’ by the amount

Ofeina treated them to a local healthy dish, called ota ika, made of raw tuna, fresh coconut cream and vegetables

Ofeina treated them to a local healthy dish, called ota ika, made of raw tuna, fresh coconut cream and vegetables

 

Obesity rates in Japan 

Adult males – 4.97 percent

Adult females – 3.87 percent

Male children – 4.99 percent 

Female children – 1.73 percent 

Source – Global Obesity Observatory

At the end of each leg of their journey they are weighed together on a giant scale, to see if their hard work – and the shocking things they’ve seen – have helped them achieve their goals.

The contestants set out to discover the implications of their own health and to meet people in each country who might be able to help them lead healthier lives and lose weight along the way. 

It comes as the group were brought to tears after meeting a 27-year-old woman in Tonga who had both legs amputated after developing diabetes. 

Leaving Japan behind, this week the tourists travel to Tonga to meet a young woman who has lost both her legs. 

There they meet Ofeina, who is battling to turn around the island nation’s extreme obesity crisis, and Winnie, who, at only 28 years of age, is 47 stone.

Winnie takes the group to the local diabetes clinic, where they meet a young woman who, at the age of 27, has lost both of her legs.

One of the group, Tiffany, is visibly moved by the experience.

‘I’m a bit speechless to be honest,’ she says to camera.

Elsewhere in the episode, the group were brought to tears after meeting a 27-year-old woman in Tonga who had both legs amputated after developing diabetes

Elsewhere in the episode, the group were brought to tears after meeting a 27-year-old woman in Tonga who had both legs amputated after developing diabetes

The woman, who at the age of 27, has already lost both of her legs, caused Tiffany to be visibly moved by the experience

The woman, who at the age of 27, has already lost both of her legs, caused Tiffany to be visibly moved by the experience

Meet the contestants who are desperate to lose weight as they reveal emotional stories behind their quest – from a murdered best friend to a life-threatening health condition 

Marisa, 31

Marisa, from Kent, has packed her bags to learn about weight loss secrets from around the world so she can be a healthy mother

Marisa, from Kent, has packed her bags to learn about weight loss secrets from around the world so she can be a healthy mother 

31-year-old Marisa is looking to lose weight so she can have children and be a fit and healthy mother. She has developed an unhealthy relationship with food where she will be healthy in the week and gorge at the weekends.

Russell, 36

Husband to Marisa, Russell, from Kent, also wants to shed the pounds to start a family. He is additionally motivated to lose weight following his father’s death from diabetes- a condition he also grapples with.

Kent-based married couple Marisa and Russell have known each other since they were four

Kent-based married couple Marisa and Russell have known each other since they were four

Therryi-Jay, 32

South London born and bred Therryi-Jay want to lose weight to become healthy. She turned to fast food after the loss of her best friend to murder. Therryi-Jay also believes society and its abundance of fast food contributes to her unhealthy relationship with food.

Therryi-Jay joined the show to learn the best routes to shed the pounds. She formed an unhealthy relationship with food after losing her best friend

Therryi-Jay joined the show to learn the best routes to shed the pounds. She formed an unhealthy relationship with food after losing her best friend

Susan 

She found out about the show from her daughter, who thought it was the perfect way for her mother to lose weight. Susan joined the programme to help her gain confidence and live life to the maximum.

Susan's weight has stopped her from leading a normal life, and she would often find herself unable to leave the house

Susan’s weight has stopped her from leading a normal life, and she would often find herself unable to leave the house 

Tiffany, 24

24-year-old Tiffany differs from the other participants because she believes you can be obese and healthy. Despite living with obesity, she can lift heavy weights and complete difficult exercise routines. She wants to understand the condition further.

Tiffany entered the show to learn about eating habits around the world, but she doesn't think that an individual being obese necessarily means they're unhealthy

Tiffany entered the show to learn about eating habits around the world, but she doesn’t think that an individual being obese necessarily means they’re unhealthy 

Phil, 34

Father-of-one Phil, from Leeds, wants to lose weight so he can be a better father. His child is four, and he fears he can’t keep up. The 34-year-old wants to learn as much as possible from other countries and implement it into his lifestyle back home.

Phil is motivated to shed the pounds so he can be an active father to his four-year-old child

Phil is motivated to shed the pounds so he can be an active father to his four-year-old child

‘She’s only 27, that’s only two years [older] than me,’ the NHS waste coordinator added.

‘And she has no legs’.

‘I’m just so shocked, it’s hard to put it into words.

‘I would be mortified and horrified if I had to have both legs amputated’

The woman’s doctor explained that she had been worried to come to the doctor, after cutting her leg.

But the wounds developed into sepsis, eventually leading to her needing an amputation.

Another of the group, Russell adds: ‘My father also passed away and it’s his anniversary in a couple of weeks and he had diabetes and things like that. It’s horrible. It’s like the worst feeling to lose a parent.’

Marisa, 31, added: ‘I’m just so shocked, it’s actually quite hard to put it into words. Like I’d be absolutely mortified and horrified if I had to have both of my legs amputated.’

‘I’m personally glad that I’ve seen this. I feel like this is so brutally honest.

‘Diabetes, it isn’t a game, it isn’t something that you can just brush under the carpet. I need to stop any sugar.

‘If I left it for another couple of years, I think I could end up the same with diabetes and I just think, ‘”Just don’t waste your time. Life is so short, just don’t waste time. You need to sort yourself out now.’

‘I know we have talked quite a lot about like death and dying and everything, but that is literally like the brutal truth, isn’t it, if we don’t change how we are.’

Around The World In 80 Weighs airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Channel 4

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A bustling market in Tokyo and locals are minding their own business, browsing stalls or rushing to work — until a group of obese Brits stroll past and stop them in their tracks. Suddenly, heads start to turn, and the visitors are struck by the sense they’re being gossiped about. ‘All the school kids — […]

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A bustling market in Tokyo and locals are minding their own business, browsing stalls or rushing to work — until a group of obese Brits stroll past and stop them in their tracks. Suddenly, heads start to turn, and the visitors are struck by the sense they’re being gossiped about.

‘All the school kids — they pointed and laughed at us,’ says an aghast Tiffany, 24. ‘They are so open about being rude.’

Marisa, 32, is equally shocked. ‘I don’t feel like I should be here,’ she says. ‘It blows my mind that you’re not allowed to be who you are, and you just have to fit in.’

In Britain, where more than 25 per cent of adults are obese — or have a body mass index (BMI) of 30 or above — the group would barely raise an eyebrow. Here in Japan, however, where the obesity rate is just four per cent, they are an anomaly; figures of shame in a society where fat is scorned. And that is precisely why they have come to the country, as part of Channel 4 documentary series Around The World In 80 Weighs.

A group of six Brits, including (from left) Therri-Jay, Russell and Marisa, are travelling the globe to learn what other countries are doing to tackle obesity

Japanese YouTubers Mr and Mrs Eats chaperone the group around Tokyo as part of Channel 4 documentary series Around The World In 80 Weighs

Japanese YouTubers Mr and Mrs Eats chaperone the group around Tokyo as part of Channel 4 documentary series Around The World In 80 Weighs

The group of six, whose combined weight is 855 kg, or 134 st, travel the globe to learn what other countries are doing to tackle obesity. They include Russell, 36, a healthcare insurer from Kent — who developed diabetes after his weight topped 30 st — and his wife Marisa, 31, an administrator, who started comfort eating at school after being bullied. ‘If anything bad happened, I would turn to food,’ she says.

Tiffany, an NHS waste co-ordinator, believed she was ‘this disgusting human being’ after being called fat daily as a child, and Therri-Jay, 32, a community officer from London, turned to food to cope after her best friend was murdered when she was just 14.

Then there’s 34-year-old Phil, a behaviour welfare coach from Leeds, who wants to lose weight to be a better father to his four-year-old son; while housewife Susan, 57, from Northamptonshire, blames her weight on grappling with boredom and loss.

In Japan, where the obesity rate is just four per cent, the group stands out from the crowd

In Japan, where the obesity rate is just four per cent, the group stands out from the crowd

‘I’m a bit in limbo,’ she says. ‘The children don’t need me. Cooking is a hobby but that turns into eating.’

While all members of the group — who have an average waist circumference of 54 in — have psychological triggers that fuel their overeating, our British culture of buy-one-get-one free junk-food deals, takeaways and whipped cream lattes also encourages them at every turn.

‘Society is a lot to blame for me being overweight,’ claims Therri-Jay, who laments the chicken and Chinese fast-food joints she sees ‘everywhere’, adding: ‘It makes you really think — does my country even care about me?’

The group arrived with a combined weight of 855 kg, but left Japan 17kg lighter after just five days

The group arrived with a combined weight of 855 kg, but left Japan 17kg lighter after just five days 

So what is different in Japan, where they live and eat like locals for five days? And could this nation’s attitude towards food help foster healthier eating habits in the UK?

Of course, the national diet — known as washoku — is a world apart from our cuisine of sugary cereals, endless snacks and stodgy ready meals. Largely fresh and unprocessed, it centres on rice, fermented vegetables, soya and fish. Because Japan is a group of islands, its residents eat more fish than other Asian countries: 80g to 100g every day.

That’s quite something compared with the two-thirds of Brits who don’t even eat the recommended two portions of fish a week.

‘Vegetables that have been fermented, either by pickling with vinegar or with salt, have been broken down by bacteria and are increasingly shown to support gut health,’ says Laura Southern, nutritionist at London Food Therapy.

‘As fish is a primary source of protein for the Japanese, and they don’t eat the same quantities of red meat as the West, their diet is lower in saturated fat, which can lead to high blood pressure and heart disease.’

Soy — usually in the form of tofu, edamame or natto, which is traditionally eaten for breakfast — also provides protein, while the Japanese eschew sugary lattes for green tea, which Southern says is packed with ‘stress-reducing plant compounds and high levels of antioxidants linked to improved brain health’.

Seaweed is another staple — it contains alginate, which stops the body absorbing fat — while meals end with fruit, and puddings are a rare treat. Little wonder, then, that Japanese people consume on average 300 fewer calories a day than Brits, and 48.8g sugar per day compared with our 100.4g, according to the Food and Agriculture Organisation.

Russell is a healthcare insurer from Kent who developed diabetes after his weight topped 30 st

Russell is a healthcare insurer from Kent who developed diabetes after his weight topped 30 st

The presentation of food is just as important as the content.

Japanese YouTubers Mr and Mrs Eats (they never reveal their real names), who chaperone the Brits around Tokyo in the show, explain that rather than using one large plate, the Japanese eat from a small bowl, rotating different dishes.

The slender Mrs Eats says: ‘We eat little by little so you don’t over eat.’

Russell, who wants to lose weight with Marisa so they’re healthy enough to have children, is partial to bread, egg fried rice and prawn crackers. He decides the strategy ‘makes sense, because sometimes I leave the best bit till right at the end and that makes you finish everything on the plate even if you’re stuffed’.

Bingeing is also more difficult if you’re using chopsticks. The Brits describe them as ‘torture’ to eat with, but research from Ohio State University has found they make eating more enjoyable.

British model Lisa Snowdon has attributed her phenomenal figure to them, saying: ‘If I’m hungry and use a fork, I shovel food in. With chopsticks, it takes longer and tricks me into eating less.’

Bingeing is difficult if you’re using chopsticks - and the Britons describe them as ‘torture’

Bingeing is difficult if you’re using chopsticks – and the Britons describe them as ‘torture’ 

Then there’s the Japanese saying, hara hachi bu, which means ‘to eat till you are 80 per cent full’, that children are taught from a young age.

But diet alone doesn’t explain why Japan had the longest average life expectancy among G7 countries in 2020. The island of Okinawa is home to the highest number of centenarians in the world. Unlike our MPs who dither over banning fatty BOGOF products, Japan’s politicians consider it their duty to control the nation’s health.

In 2008, after Western fast food had begun to overtake traditional Japanese fare in popularity, and the country’s men were found to be 10 per cent and women 6 per cent heavier than a decade earlier, the authorities took the extraordinary step of making it mandatory for companies to carry out annual health checks on staff, with weight monitored.

Men with a waist circumference of over 33in and women whose waists measured over 35in were given exercise and diet plans — and firms that failed to bring their staff’s weight under control faced fines.

‘If it can prevent even a small number of people from developing cardiovascular diseases, it will be good news for them and their families,’ said director of the Japan Society for the Study of Obesity, Yuji Matsuzawa, at the time.

All of which ‘might sound weird to you guys,’ says Mrs Eats, as she takes the group to fragrance company Kao to watch a health check in action, and marvel at the healthy canteen lunch menu, created by company dieticians, that costs staff just £2.

But Therri-Jay is too unsettled to eat, describing how feeling like a ‘second-class citizen’ at home makes her reach for burgers, chocolate and popcorn. ‘We’ve not been told how to cope,’ she cries.

Yet whether staff here are happy about the draconian measures enforced on them is another matter — in 2023 Japan ranked last among 18 countries surveyed for workplace wellbeing, with only 49 per cent describing themselves as happy in their jobs.

Tiffany, for her part, doesn’t see her obesity as a problem, having worked hard to overcome the trauma of being sent to a personal trainer aged 11 by her own mother; and of being bullied at school for her weight. She now weightlifts, cheerleads and firmly believes ‘you can be healthy when you’re obese. I’m not sure if I grew up in this environment I would be the same person’.

Certainly, she would be uncomfortable with the fat-shaming that is de rigueur in Japan. ‘It’s super normal for [people] to just grab you and say: “What’s going on here, buddy, you’ve picked up a few pounds,” ’ explains Mr Eats, who introduces the visitors to an employee who failed his health test and was ordered to walk 10,000 steps a day until he was slim again.

Walking is a national pastime in Japan, with the average Japanese person taking 6,500 steps a day, partly because driving is expensive — 69 per cent of households have access to a car there, compared with 77 per cent in the UK.

Japan has another weapon in its fitness armoury in the form of dai-ichi —an exercise routine that takes just three minutes, requires no equipment, and is broadcast to a backdrop of piano music several times a day on a Japanese public radio station.

Followed by everyone from children to the elderly, it comprises 13 simple moves, including arm raises and star jumps.

Therri-Jay performs the routine in Kao’s offices, mortified at showing everyone her ‘underneath’ while touching her toes.

Yet she concludes: ‘If we had to do that every morning at work I think we’d be more productive, more happy and I feel like we’d enjoy movement more.’ There are other, darker, aspects to Japan’s attitude towards the overweight. They include exercise apps such as Nenshou, launched in 2013, in which an on-screen animated character dishes out digital humiliation in the form of statements such as: ‘Fat girl, do some more exercise, OK?’ Russell and Phil, greeted by a ‘good morning, tubby!’ by the avatar on the app they are shown, appear appalled.

‘That wouldn’t go down well in the UK,’ says Phil. ‘It’s blown my mind that that’s allowed.’

Japan is made up of a group of islands, so its residents eat more fish than other Asian countries: 80g to 100g every day

Japan is made up of a group of islands, so its residents eat more fish than other Asian countries: 80g to 100g every day

More dubious still is an emerging market for renting obese people, for around £11 an hour, by companies such as Debucari, which launched in 2021.

Stressing that it is not an escort service, Debucari states its goal is to promote ‘progression away from an era where being fat had a negative image’ — yet it also suggests the obese can be hired to help clients look slimmer.

In the Channel 4 documentary, one such ‘body’ for hire, recalls how she had been told to lose weight in her previous job in a café because ‘in these places you must be thin’.

Tiffany is, not unreasonably, unconvinced by the practice: ‘I don’t quite believe there is zero fetishness about it.’

On their final day the group visit a community bath house, where locals believe submersing themselves in 42c water raises their metabolism and promotes weight loss (although there is little evidence to back up their claims, and the baths apparently cause cardiac problems and are reported to be responsible for 10 per cent of all sudden deaths in Japan).

So nonchalant are most Japanese about their bodies that there are no private changing rooms at the baths, a deal-breaker no doubt for many prudish Brits.

Horrified at the prospect of changing publicly, Phil opts out — but Russell, despite ruing the belly he describes as an ‘apron’, takes the plunge: ‘I’m here to shock myself and create a new mindset.’

He describes his immersion into Japanese lifestyle as ‘pretty emotive’, while wife Marisa calls it ‘an eye-opener’. She admits: ‘In 15 years we might not be here if we don’t change.’

Before they leave the group get on the scales — and discover they’ve lost 17kg in total in just five days. They’re delighted.

‘We’re so lucky to come to Japan,’ says Susan. ‘They’re so disciplined as a country. We all agreed we’ll take the discipline with us.’

Of course, no amount of chopsticks, workouts on national radio or domineering bosses can alleviate emotional angst, and sniggering at obese people in public is not the answer.

But perhaps incorporating a few of Japan’s strategies for weight control into our national psyche might finally stop the habit too many of us have, of reaching for the biscuit jar every time we need a pick-me-up.

Around The World In 80 Weighs is next on Channel 4 on Tuesday.

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DR. MAX PEMBERTON: It makes me sad, but doctors need obese dummies to train on https://usmail24.com/dr-max-pemberton-saddens-doctors-need-obese-dummies-train-on-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/ https://usmail24.com/dr-max-pemberton-saddens-doctors-need-obese-dummies-train-on-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/#respond Mon, 20 Nov 2023 03:37:59 +0000 https://usmail24.com/dr-max-pemberton-saddens-doctors-need-obese-dummies-train-on-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/

Long before doctors in training are unleashed on patients, they practice important clinical skills on dummies. Of course, this isn’t the same as with a real patient, but that’s the point: you can make mistakes knowing that the lump of latex and plastic isn’t going to complain no matter how many times you mess it […]

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Long before doctors in training are unleashed on patients, they practice important clinical skills on dummies.

Of course, this isn’t the same as with a real patient, but that’s the point: you can make mistakes knowing that the lump of latex and plastic isn’t going to complain no matter how many times you mess it up.

You can practice your technique, get used to the pitfalls and put the mistakes behind you. However, the dummies we train on are not realistic because they always seem thin. There are no fat or overweight manikins. That is, until now.

Trainee doctors at Aston University in Birmingham are being given ‘realistic’ bariatric exercise models to prepare them for the type of patients they will actually see.

I’m sorry to say this, but I think it’s a good idea. Nearly two-thirds of all adults in England are now overweight, and the fact is that doctors and nurses are often woefully unprepared for the reality of carrying out clinical procedures on obese people.

Trainee doctors at Aston University in Birmingham are given ‘realistic’ bariatric exercise models to prepare them for the type of patients they will actually see (Stock Image)

Some of the ‘anatomical landmarks’ – places on the outside of the body that help a doctor orientate themselves and find underlying organs and veins, for example – are often different in a fatter person.

For example, the nipple is used to locate certain spaces between the ribs or where the heart is located.

But in an overweight patient, this may be too far down – if the chest hangs down when the patient is sitting upright – or too far to one side, if the chest slides to the side when the patient is lying down.

There are other considerations too. Once, when I was doing chest compressions on an overweight patient who had collapsed, I remember being struck by how difficult it was to get them all to penetrate deep enough.

The fat acts as a cushion, meaning it’s impossible to measure the impact of each push. If you don’t go down deep enough, the heart won’t compress properly and blood won’t be pumped around the body. This could be a matter of life or death.

But the most difficult daily problem is undoubtedly taking blood. Just this week I was asked to help find a vein in a severely overweight patient after two nurses failed to do so.

It is challenging. You have to feel if a vein under the skin ‘bounces’, but you can’t do that if there is too much fat over the vein. It’s a notoriously difficult skill to master unless you practice a lot.

Having worked in eating disorder services where there were many obese patients, I am used to this.

Nearly two-thirds of all adults in England are now overweight, and the fact is that doctors and nurses are often woefully unprepared for the reality of carrying out clinical procedures on obese people (Stock Image)

Nearly two-thirds of all adults in England are now overweight, and the fact is that doctors and nurses are often woefully unprepared for the reality of carrying out clinical procedures on obese people (Stock Image)

But imagine it’s late at night and someone is deteriorating rapidly and his or her blood needs to be checked.

Or do you need to find a vein to insert an IV and have only practiced on a skinny, muscular arm with bulging veins?

Intubating someone – placing a tube down their throat to help them breathe during surgery – is also very different if the patient is obese.

First, fat around the face, neck and chest makes it more difficult to position the head correctly. Fat also pushes into the airways, making it harder to keep them open, while fat around the neck and chest increases pressure on the chest, meaning it’s harder to fully ventilate the lungs.

Naturally, woke warriors view the move to “obese” manikins as an act of inclusion. But for me it’s not about being ‘inclusive’. The point is to accept that a large proportion of patients are seriously overweight and we need to ensure that the doctor has experience in dealing with the problems this brings.

I have to say that while I fully support obese people getting the care they need, I don’t embrace the “fat can be healthy” lobby.

It’s not fat-phobic to remind people that being overweight comes with a whole host of health complications, and it’s important to encourage people to get fitter.

It is important to remind obesity of the negative impact it has on their health and longevity. We cannot normalize it.

Dr.  Max Pemberton believes it is a good idea to provide medical students with larger practice models, as even supposedly simple procedures, such as drawing blood, become much more challenging when a patient is overweight.

Dr. Max Pemberton believes it is a good idea to provide medical students with larger practice models, as even supposedly simple procedures, such as drawing blood, become much more challenging when a patient is overweight.

The trend to modify everything from operating tables to ambulances to cater for obesity comes from America, where the obese use identity politics to justify their shape and deflect criticism.

Obese people there have adopted the language of persecuted or marginalized minorities such as gays and black people. They are now ‘proud’ of their fatness and ‘celebrate’ it. This ridiculous cult of the obese has spread to Britain and is now infecting us.

Yes, we should have these manikins to practice on because they reflect the type of patients we will see in clinical practice. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pause and think about why this is needed in society now, and what it means for the long-term survival of our healthcare system.

Amanda Pritchard, head of NHS England, says she hopes cervical cancer will be eliminated by 2040. To do this, we need women to be screened regularly.

A report from Cancer Research UK has suggested this could be thwarted due to poor uptake of smear tests among people aged 25 to 29.

ROSIE’S IDENTITY CRISIS

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has spoken about how difficult she found adjusting to motherhood

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has spoken about how difficult she found adjusting to motherhood

I’m sure new mothers will take some solace in the fact that model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, despite being rich and famous, found it difficult to adjust to motherhood.

“For a period after I had my first son, there was a real change in identity and a kind of mourning for the loss of your old life,” she says. “The rug was pulled out from under me.”

Many women say the same thing. No matter how much money you have, being a new mom can be hard.

A midwife friend described having a baby as “like a bomb going off in your social life.” The world is tilting on its axis. Your focus now is on this screaming, crying, pooping bundle. You rarely have a moment to yourself and when you do, you worry that you’re failing at being a mother.

Of course, having a baby can be wonderful. But many struggle to remember who they were before they gave birth. It’s not helped by the unrealistic portrayal of new motherhood we see on social media.

New moms, remember: you’re doing a great job and if you can, make sure you take some time for yourself.

Research shows that working from home can increase the risk of depression, heart disease and dementia.

Since the pandemic, many have been WFH for part of the week. It may be fun to check your emails in your pajamas, but it doesn’t seem to be good for your health in the long run.

I suspect this is due to two things. First of all, we are sociable, and WFH means we interact with people much less than in the office. Those water cooler moments are good for our mental health and stimulate our brains, preventing dementia.

Those who are isolated, for example due to hearing loss, are at greater risk of dementia, so the opposite must be true: those who are socially connected are at lower risk.

But we are also more active when we go to the office. Not only is it easier to go to the gym, we also walk more. On days when I don’t go to work, my steps drop from 12,000 per day to 3,000. That soon adds up.

DR MAX PRESCRIBES…

Replace an egg with a handful of nuts in the morning

Replace an egg with a handful of nuts in the morning

A handful of nuts

Replacing an egg in the morning with a handful of nuts has been shown to reduce the risk of developing or dying from cardiovascular disease by 17 percent. It’s easy to swap and nuts are packed with important nutrients that benefit our health.

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Fat is your destiny! Obese cat who became Polish city’s top-rated tourist attraction has been REMOVED from Google, taken off the streets and put on a diet after so many tourists visited to give him treats https://usmail24.com/obese-cat-poland-szczscin-gacek-removed-google-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/ https://usmail24.com/obese-cat-poland-szczscin-gacek-removed-google-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/#respond Fri, 17 Nov 2023 15:57:54 +0000 https://usmail24.com/obese-cat-poland-szczscin-gacek-removed-google-htmlns_mchannelrssns_campaign1490ito1490/

Gacek’s popularity attracted many visitors, but he quickly became huge He has been removed from Google, apparently to prevent tourists from feeding him By Ed Wight and James Reynolds Published: 06:29 EST, November 17, 2023 | Updated: 10:48 AM EST, November 17, 2023 A fat cat that became a Polish city’s top-rated attraction has been […]

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  • Gacek’s popularity attracted many visitors, but he quickly became huge
  • He has been removed from Google, apparently to prevent tourists from feeding him

A fat cat that became a Polish city’s top-rated attraction has been removed from Google, taken off the streets and put on a diet after welcoming too many generous visitors.

The chubby black and white stray dog ​​named Gacek became world famous after being ranked out of five by reviewers on Google.

Gacek, nicknamed “the King of Kaszubska” after the name of the street where he lived in the city of Szczecin, was ranked higher on Google than the city’s more traditional tourist hotspots, including the award-winning Philharmonic, the Castle of the Dukes of Pomerania and a network of underground tunnels from World War II.

At the height of his fame earlier this year, he even survived a kidnapping attempt when a woman was captured on camera jumping into a taxi after trying to grab the six-year-old’s famous moggy.

But his listing has now been removed from Google after locals raised concerns about his health, preventing tourists from flocking to the town to see and feed him.

Previously: Gacek received rave reviews from gracing fans in the Polish city of Szczecin

After: Photos of a revitalized, much thinner Gacek have been circulating online ever since

After: Photos of a revitalized, much thinner Gacek have been circulating online ever since

Poland's most famous cat has been trying to lose weight and move off the street into a new home in recent months

Poland’s most famous cat has been trying to lose weight and move off the street into a new home in recent months

Gacek amassed more than 3,000 Google user reviews at the height of his international fame.

Someone calling herself ‘josefita’ wrote: ‘best cat ever, very good boy, would 100% recommend. 10/10.’

Another called Fabian Webb wrote: ‘The best thing I’ve ever seen.’

Meanwhile, Amy Seabold said: “Amazing. Moving. Nice. Groundbreaking. 10/10, couldn’t recommend more.’

Ina posted: ‘I went to Sczeczin and had to meet this chubby cat.

‘He was friendly, but didn’t like having his picture taken. Still. Definitely worth meeting this feline resident. 5 stars of course.’

But because tourists constantly gave Gacek snacks, he grew in size, prompting the city’s animal shelter to urge people not to feed him.

In April, the city’s Animal Welfare Association took him in for treatment after he had problems with his teeth and joints.

A vet also advised him to lose 4-5 kg ​​​​of weight.

And last month the organization announced that Gacek was ‘doing well and had found a new home.’

The Animal Welfare Association posted a photo of the slimmed down Gacek on social media and wrote: ‘I am not Gacek anymore. From today on, call me George… George Clooney in the cat version, yes that’s the new me!

‘I’m fit and I’m good at it. I run up and down the stairs and jump on the counter.”

One delighted fan wrote: ‘You’ve always been beautiful but now you’ve gone too far.’

Another commented: ‘How handsome is he?!?

Another simply said: ‘Puurrfect!’

The superstar cat is now helping the local animal shelter raise money to care for other cats.

Gacek was once the top-rated 'tourist attraction' in the city of Szczecin, ahead of the award-winning Philharmonic, the Castle of the Pomeranian Dukes and a network of underground tunnels

Gacek was once the top-rated ‘tourist attraction’ in the city of Szczecin, ahead of the award-winning Philharmonic, the Castle of the Pomeranian Dukes and a network of underground tunnels

Ale bydlę!  Locals were concerned that Gacek's popularity was causing him to become quite fat

Ale bydlę! Locals were concerned that Gacek’s popularity was causing him to become quite fat

Famous fat cat Gacek speaks to the media at the height of his popularity as he worries he has overzealously enjoyed the spoils of his fame - with visitors pouring in with treats

Famous fat cat Gacek speaks to the media at the height of his popularity as he worries he has overzealously enjoyed the spoils of his fame – with visitors pouring in with treats

In March, MailOnline reported that a cat thief had been thwarted in her attempt to steal Gacek – after being chased away by locals.

The woman was caught on camera after trying to grab the 6-year-old famous moggy in the city of Szczecin.

Jumping into a taxi after Gacek escaped by hiding under a nearby car, the wannabe catnapper is now being shamed on social media.

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My friend has become obese. Should I intervene? https://usmail24.com/obesity-intervention-ethics-html/ https://usmail24.com/obesity-intervention-ethics-html/#respond Fri, 23 Jun 2023 19:20:53 +0000 https://usmail24.com/obesity-intervention-ethics-html/

My boyfriend of 50 years recently became morbidly obese. She must now be over 100 pounds overweight on a very small frame. She has great difficulty breathing and her legs are bent outward because they have been crushed under her weight. She can no longer perform simple household tasks such as cleaning. I love my […]

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My boyfriend of 50 years recently became morbidly obese. She must now be over 100 pounds overweight on a very small frame. She has great difficulty breathing and her legs are bent outward because they have been crushed under her weight. She can no longer perform simple household tasks such as cleaning.

I love my girlfriend and have tried several times to talk to her kindly about her deteriorating condition. But in vain. She says she can’t afford the new diet drug-by-injection that everyone is using; she has given up trying to lose weight any other way.

Food is her medicine. It’s clear she lives for it like an addict would. She steadfastly refuses to talk to me or her family about it. She apparently sidesteps the problem when she talks to her GP, and nothing ever changes: Her weight continues to rise.

I’ve been thinking about approaching her kids about this. But if that doesn’t work, and the kids tell my friend that I tried to intervene, I’m sure that would be the end of our friendship. She has said to me, “Don’t talk to me about this.” What can I possibly do to help her? I watch her slowly commit suicide. – Name withheld

From the ethicist:

Your description suggests that your friend has Class III obesity (“morbid obesity” is no longer the clinical term), a chronic, complex condition that impairs her ability to perform certain ordinary functions of daily living, and puts her at serious risk for debilitating illness and premature death. Of course you worry; any friend would be.

But you don’t tell her anything she doesn’t know. The cost of the promising new weight loss drugs may be something of a red herring on her part. Insurers, public and private, generally cover medically necessary bariatric surgery, which is significantly more effective than the drugs. (Surgery carries the risk of major complications, but the dangers of living with grade III obesity are greater.) There are forms of therapy that address eating disorders, including binge eating, associated with severe obesity. In any case, a competent primary care provider will have already informed her of her medical options.

As for the risk of approaching her children? If you think they have a good chance of succeeding where you failed, that’s a risk a friend should take. Still, they can definitely see that she’s suffering because of her obesity, so a safe assumption is that they’ve already tried to get her to seek medical attention – and that she told them what she told you.

Unlike her GP, you have no special knowledge of complex conditions. (One such complexity: the vicious cycle that can develop between depression and obesity.) You may not be the right person to make a difference here. She has explicitly asked you not to raise the matter with her. As someone who cares about her, you naturally have reason to want her to get healthier. But you can’t insist.

When the time comes for her to throw open the door to a conversation about her health, there’s plenty of good advice out there (including from the federal site health.gov) on how to get into it – focus on her well-being, not her eating habits; avoiding debugging, judgment and embarrassment; talk to her, not to her. I’m glad you made it clear that you care about her well-being and that you want to help her the best you can. I wish she listened to you. But as her friend, you also need to listen to her – and pay attention to the boundaries she has set.

The question in the last column came from a reader whose wife was in a nursing home. He asked if he could take a lover: “My wife will never leave the nursing home. She has full mental capabilities but is also the most narcissistic person I know. … Am I wrong to seek love, intimacy and companionship with another woman? My wife had affairs when we were married.”

In his reply, the ethicist noted, “If you and your wife were willing to release each other from your marital obligations, there would be no moral reason not to seek a relationship elsewhere. However, it sounds like you don’t think she’s going to rid you of them. … You say that there has been no love between you for the past ten years; is this also her perspective?” (Reread the full question and answer here.)

My 87 year old husband had dementia, and I, 11 years his junior, had a smart, kind, loving boyfriend. No one suffered. Life is there to be lived. Marian

The letter writer has a strong sense of loyalty to his marriage, if not much empathy for his institutionalized spouse. It seems reasonable to tell his wife about his needs first and then meet them regardless of her consent. — Caroline

I would also advise the gentleman to speak to the social worker at his wife’s home. We often fail to see through our own emotional clouds, and a professional can provide strategies to work in everyone’s best interest. — Jan

My curiosity lies with what the man said towards the end of his question: he said his wife was unfaithful. Assuming this is something from his wife’s past, is he saying he should be entitled to have relationships now? Is there a deeper grudge than just being in a nursing home? — Angela

This is a perfect one existentialist dilemma. You want someone to give you permission, but only you can give yourself permission. You want to have your cake and eat it too (be a faithful loving husband and have a lover), but you can’t have both. You are, as Sartre would say, condemned to be free. You can take a lover, but you have to deal with the guilt that comes with that choice. You must make your decision. — Dennis

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