The moment the bully’s ex held me to the bed and threatened to pour boiling water on me
Shaking with fear, Kirsty Connoley braced herself for another whipping from her abusive fiancé, David Barrett.
“I’m going to make a cup of boiling water with sugar and throw it over your face,” he roared, before pinning the sobbing mother-of-three to the bed and calling her “despicable.”
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But what criminal Barrett didn’t know was that he was being filmed by Kirsty, in a clever ploy that would ultimately put an end to his four-year campaign of abuse.
The brave 32-year-old from Peterborough, Cambs., had cataloged the abuse in a secure folder on her phone, containing video recordings and photographs of her injuries inflicted by Barrett.
It was in September 2023 when Barrett, also from Peterborough, strangled Kirsty in another horrific attack and she found the courage to report him to the police.
Barrett was convicted in April and Kirsty, who is now sharing her story to help other domestic abuse survivors, says: “If you are in an abusive relationship, safely collect evidence and leave while you can. You never know what these abusers are capable of.”
Kirsty met Barrett, now 40, in April 2018 on dating site Badoo, and she says he was ‘perfect’ at first.
“David was very loving and filled me with compliments. He made me feel so good about myself,” Kirsty explains.
“I have two sons, and he was great with them too, treating them to pizza and game nights.”
By July, the couple was living together and soon talked about having a child.
Kirsty says: “In September David asked me to marry him in a restaurant and gave me a beautiful ring. I was so happy.”
Two months later Kirsty discovered she was pregnant.
Barrett, who worked as a gardener, went to every scan and was a huge support during and after the birth of their daughter in July 2019.
Kirsty explains: “He was such a loving dad, helping with feedings and changings.
“But the next year he really started to change.”
Barrett lost all interest in their daughter and when he and Kirsty argued he would call her names like ‘fat’ and ‘s***’.
Kirsty said: “He suddenly switched gears and became abusive.
“He constantly put me down and often said I was a terrible mother. It was terrible.
“I started secretly recording every argument and saving them in a hidden folder on my phone, which required facial recognition.
“I had seen crime documentaries in the past and knew it was good to gather evidence.”
I felt like his slave. I barely left the house… When I went to school, he accused me of cheating. It was ridiculous.
Kirsty Connoley
After each outburst, Barrett apologized, but he never changed.
He ordered Kirsty to put dinner on the table when he got home from work, and to make him a cup of tea on request.
He eventually isolated her from her family and Kirsty recalls: ‘I felt like his slave. I barely left the house.
‘When I went to school he accused me of cheating. It was ridiculous.”
Barrett’s abuse escalated and in November 2021 the abuse became physical.
“I was always covered in bruises and red marks where he had hurt me,” Kirsty explains.
“I knew I deserved better, but it felt easier to grin and bear it than to leave.
“I didn’t want him to take my daughter away from me. He had threatened me before and I would rather tolerate his abuse than lose her.”
Sputtering for breath
Kirsty managed to videotape Barrett threatening to pour a cup of boiling water and sugar on her, an action known as ‘Prison Napalm’ which causes deep burns.
He then pushed her onto the bed and called her “despicable.”
Kirsty says: “He didn’t want to get out.
“I was hysterical and threatened to call the police.”
The abuse escalated and one morning in July 2023, Barrett launched another horrific attack on Kirsty as he got ready for work.
She remembers: “I was lying in bed when I heard him screaming. Half asleep, I walked downstairs and out of nowhere he grabbed my throat and strangled me.
‘I was gasping for breath and honestly thought I was going to die.
‘After he released his grip, I couldn’t stop coughing and ran to the toilet to throw up.
HOW TO GET HELP:
Women’s Aid has this advice for victims and their families
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Contact charities for help, including Women’s Aid’s live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarize yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without saying anything, but calling “55” instead.
- Make sure you always have some money with you, including change for a phone booth or bus ticket.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try going to a lower-risk part of the house, such as where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where knives or other weapons are likely to be present. Avoid rooms where you could become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you could be locked in a closet or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – messageinfo@supportline .org.uk.
Women’s Aid offers a live chat service – Available on weekdays from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. and on weekends from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
You can also call the free 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
“My neck was really red and scratched, and the pain was terrible. When he left for work, I took a few photos and added them to my secret folder.”
Just days later, while Kirsty slept, Barrett poured a bottle of mouthwash over her head, in another act of cruelty.
And in September that year, during another nasty row, Barrett grabbed Kirsty from behind and strangled her.
She says: “It was terrifying and I screamed for him to stop.
“When he let go, I ran inside and texted my mom to call the police.
“Enough was enough. I couldn’t bear him anymore.”
Kirsty waited anxiously for the police to arrive and pressed her phone for what would be the last time.
I was very disappointed with his punishment, considering everything he had done to me. But I’m glad he’s out of my life and can’t hurt me anymore
Kirsty Connoley
In the audio, Barrett is heard saying she wouldn’t be saved because no one cared.
But moments later, four police officers burst into her home and arrested Barrett.
Kirsty told the police everything and showed them all the disturbing images and recordings she had made over the years.
Sickeningly, Barrett denied it all and claimed self-defense.
However, in the run-up to the trial he changed his plea and admitted coercive control and two counts of intentional strangulation.
What the police said:
DC Andrew Donaldson, who investigated Barrett, said: “In one of the videos submitted into evidence in this case, Barrett threatened to pour boiling water and sugar on his partner’s face.
“Another video showed Barrett checking the woman’s finances and in a third recording, Barrett could be heard telling her that no one would come to her rescue because no one cared about her.
“I would like to commend the courage of the victim and hope that the verdict gives her closure to this traumatic period in her life.
“Domestic abusers who strangle their partners to control them or instill fear could face up to five years in prison under legislation introduced in 2022.
“This case also highlights that domestic violence is not always physical. Victims may also suffer from the threat and fear of injury, daily harassment and having every aspect of their lives monitored and controlled. Coercive control is a criminal offense and we take all reports of this very seriously.”
In April this year he was sentenced to two years and six months in prison at Peterborough Crown Court.
Kirsty was in the courtroom and bravely read her victim impact statement from behind a screen.
“I felt so incredibly strong,” she remembers.
“I was very disappointed with his sentence, considering everything he did to me. But I’m glad he’s out of my life and can’t hurt me anymore.”
Now that Barrett is behind bars, Kirsty is slowly moving on with her life and wants to warn other women.
She adds: “I am now rebuilding my life with my children. I want other women to recognize David’s face and stay away.
“I really thought that mean man would kill me one day.”
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