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A therapist has revealed five hacks that will help you create the perfect life and even revealed what to do if someone insults you.
Bernadette Purcell, a New Jersey licensed mental health therapist, took TikTok to reveal how to ‘make life the way you want’ in just five easy steps.
The therapist is also the author of the best-selling novel “Divorced as F****” and is known for posting videos in which she gives her nearly 50,000 followers advice on how to deal with fear, set boundaries, and find strength. in hard times.
Her most recent video describes the five tips to make your life better and has been viewed more than 1.5 million times.
She encouraged her followers to question others, find joy in the small moments, regulate their emotions, and find comfort.
Bernadette Purcell, a New Jersey licensed psychiatrist, has revealed five hacks in a viral TikTok video that will ‘help life your way’
The therapist is also the author of the best-selling novel “Divorced as F****” and is known for posting videos that advise her nearly 50,000 followers
How to take the sting out of insult?
Bernedette’s first tip describes what to do if someone tries to knock you down
Her first tip describes what to do if someone tries to put you down.
“If someone insults you, just look at them and say ‘are you okay,'” she said at the beginning of her video.
Bernadette explained that it puts the person who insults you in the “defensive” place, while you get the “upper hand.”
She added that by asking them if they’re okay, you’re “taking the reins,”
The therapist added that this method is effective because you can divert the conversation to their state of being rather than the insult.
This puts the person who offended you on the defensive and gives you time to plan your next move, which she says should be to end the conversation or walk away.
She concludes her first tip by noting that someone who insults you “isn’t worth your time” and by asking about their state of being, you bring a sense of grace, humor, and confidence to the conversation.
An insult says less about you and more about the person you are offending, so following Bernadette’s advice will definitely make the person think twice before insulting you or anyone else again.
How to fall in love with the process and not the rewards
For her second tip, the therapist begins by explaining that “rewards kill the pleasure.”
“Don’t do it for the reward, do it for the love of the process,” she adds.
For her second tip, the therapist begins by explaining that “rewards kill the pleasure”
This is known as the over-justification effect, which describes the phenomenon where we lose any previous motivation to complete a task or activity after being awarded a reward, such as a prize or money.
While rewarding yourself in the short term can be motivating, it actually hinders motivation in the long term.
This is because rewards are most likely to kill interest where there is the most interest in being killed.
By being rewarded for activities that you naturally enjoy doing, you reduce the motivation that allows you to do the task for the sake of sheer pleasure.
In a studypsychologists examined the relationship of the overjustification effect on children.
In the study, they asked preschoolers to participate in coloring activities they were already interested in.
Some children received a reward for completing the activity, others did not.
After a few weeks, the children were given another chance to participate in the activity without a promise of reward.
The students who had previously been awarded a prize showed reduced interest in those who had never received one.
This proved that the over-justified effect reduces any internal drive to complete an activity and leads to the task being completed only to earn a reward.
The reward makes the task seem like more work than something you enjoy. That’s why Bernadette recommends that you enjoy the process without the reward in mind.
How do you get someone to like you?
Her third tip for ‘letting your life go your way’ compared asking to sympathy
For her third tip for living your life “your own way,” the therapist started by comparing questions with sympathy.
“If you show genuine curiosity about someone, they’ll like you more,” she notes.
Everyone wants to be liked and make a good impression, especially when meeting new people.
According to an Harvard studyasking questions and follow-up questions significantly increases sympathy.
The study notes that showing genuine interest in someone and their life will attract them and others to you.
This is mainly because people can’t help but talk about themselves.
Research has shown that nearly 40 percent of everyday speech is used to tell others how we feel, think, or describe our daily lives in detail.
It also shows that talking about ourselves evokes the same pleasure in the brain as money or food.
This means that self-disclosure increases brain activity in the areas related to reward and gratification from money, food, and love.
So when you ask people questions, you not only help them talk about themselves and be seen as a good conversationalist, but you also make them feel better about themselves, which makes them like you.
How to keep your emotions from getting out of control
Her fourth hack in creating a better life describes how to ‘regulate your emotions’
For the therapist’s fourth hack to create a better life, she describes how to “regulate your emotions.”
“Learn to regulate your emotions when you’re in a difficult situation, so when you feel those emotions coming up, take a deep breath and regulate them before reacting,” she said.
Emotions are a normal part of everyday life, no matter how small a situation may seem, they can trigger heightened emotions and cause you to overreact.
If you don’t regulate your emotions, you often feel extreme highs and lows, which can begin to affect your life.
And since everyone has times when their emotions take over and get out of hand, it’s essential to learn how to regulate them before they damage relationships or hurt others.
According to health lineare some of the best ways to regulate your emotions, explore the impact of your relationships, keep a mood journal, and meditate.
The website also notes that you should strive for regulation rather than repression and seek a therapist if your emotions continue to feel overwhelming.
How to convince your mind that you are comfortable
The last tip the therapist shares is that you should “seek comfort in every situation”
The fifth and final tip the therapist shares is that you should “seek comfort in every situation.”
She adds, “If your mind takes it, your body is more likely to follow.”
Bernadette notes that the answer to assuming comfort is “mimicry” in the first place.
“The physical manifestations of nervousness are actually quite similar to excitement, so sweaty palms, increased heart rate, thinking about what it will be like, ruminating a bit, these are all very similar.
“So one trick people use in public speaking is to tell themselves all day long how excited they are rather than how nervous they are because of how similar the emotions are.
“So it’s like in a new situation, a job interview, anytime you feel like you’re on the spot, you assume that your emotions come from excitement.”
She adds that by assuming you’re excited rather than nervous, you give your excitement to the situation a “sense of comfort.”
When you convince your mind and body to seek comfort, you are instantly more powerful.
This is because you are giving your brain the feeling that you are already at an advantage.
Users were quick to flood her comment section with praising words, thanking her for helping out with her life-changing tips
Users were quick to flood her comment section with praising words, thanking her for helping out with her life-changing tips.
“Wow…good stuff…thanks,” one user wrote.
Another user added: ‘Thank you! So helpful to hear!’
“Love this, thank you,” said one user.
One user commented, “Very helpful, thank you.”
‘I like your advice. Thanks,” said another user.