We are ‘one and done’ moms – we want to maintain our appearance and protect our wallets

CARRIE ANTBOOTH SITS by the pool watching her daughter Roxy splashing around in the Spanish sun. She couldn’t be happier.

It’s not just about having enough money to afford a holiday, but also about being able to pay for swimming lessons for eight-year-old Roxy, who is now confident in the water.

4

4

But Carrie Ann42, from Carlisle, is not rich.

She can only turn to this luxury because she belongs to the growing group of “one and done moms” – the term for women who decide to stop after just one child.

“If we had more children, Roxy just wouldn’t have the best of everything,” says Carrie Ann.

“I grew up in social housing, where I did my homework by candlelight and wore multiple sweaters because there wasn’t enough money to pay the gas and electricity bills.

“Sometimes the only meal I had was my free school meal. I am determined that Roxy will not suffer as I have suffered.”

Carrie Ann now says she fears she is jeopardizing Roxy’s quality of life by expanding her brood.

“I’m just as scared of getting pregnant now as I was when I was a teenager,” she says. “I take my pill faithfully and if I were to get pregnant, I would consider an abortion.”

And she is far from the only one who does not want more than one child.

According to the latest figures, there were an estimated 3.7 million one-child families in Britain in 2023, compared with 3.2 million 20 years ago.

That’s a 16 percent jump in just two decades. By comparison, there are currently 3.38 million families with two children and only 1.18 million families with three or more children.

Dr Mary-Ann Stephenson from the Women’s Budget Group said: “It’s not surprising that women are choosing to have fewer children, as times are really tough for young families right now.

“We have incredibly high housing costs and some of the most expensive childcare in the world. Maternity pay is lower than the national minimum wage and the cost of living crisis is also having an impact.”

Currently, childcare costs an average of £263 per week and after-school clubs cost £62 per week.

For Carrie Ann, who runs The Science Booth, a science-based entertainment company for children, and whose husband Gary, 42, is a dog walker and animal portrait artist, having more children is unaffordable.

“We own a three-bedroom bungalow and we use one bedroom as an office,” she says.

“We’re not rich — we shop at Aldi and rarely go out. We’re Mr and Mrs Average, without fancy cars, so we can make sure Roxy has everything she needs.

‘People say it’s selfish’

“But she’s not spoiled. She gets £3 pocket money a week and we don’t spend money on designer trainers or anything like that.

“I walked into Roxy’s room the other day and felt so happy because she has so much space.

“There’s plenty of room for her clothes, toys and books and she even has a TV.

“It’s everything I could have imagined when I was younger. But if we had another child, they’d need bunk beds and there wouldn’t be room for two desks. And we couldn’t afford to move.”

People ask when we’re going to give Roxy a brother or sister and suggest it’s selfish to have an only child, which turns me on

Carrie Ann

Carrie Ann feels that mothers like her are sometimes judged for having only one child.

“People ask when we are going to give Roxy a brother or sister and suggest it is selfish to have an only child, which makes me angry,” she says.

“Roxy is happy and would definitely miss out on a lot of things if she had a brother or sister.

“She currently takes keyboard and swimming lessons and goes to Brownies and drama club.

“Total cost is around £600 per term.”

4

Carrie Ann also feels that another child could disrupt their harmonious household. “We have very little stress,” she says.

“Roxy has always been a good sleeper and never disturbs us, so we have plenty of time together. It means I don’t have that tired, haggard look that so many mothers develop when they are so exhausted.”

It is not only financial pressure that makes women decide to stick to one child.

Rachel Lucas35, from Gloucester, had planned to have two children when she married Richard, 36, who is in the RAF. But she changed her mind during her pregnancy with Grayson, now five.

Rachel, who runs an organic marketing company, says: “I was exhausted and I remember thinking that if I got pregnant again I would have to look after a toddler and I was so tired.

“When I got him, I felt so much love that I wanted to give him everything and not divide it between two children.

“When Grayson was 11 months old, he had a seizure and had to stay in the hospital for two days.

“We could both be at his bedside without worrying about who would take care of the other child at home.

“We live miles away from our family, but Grayson stays with Richard’s parents half the holidays so we can focus on our careers.

“They wouldn’t make it with two.”

If you have one child, you can also focus on your favorite hobbies.

“Richard loves miniature war games and I do aerial acrobatics and pole dancing,” she says. “I recently did nine hours of acrobatics for a charity event.

“It’s highly unlikely that I could last that long with another child.

“Because I can do that and rest afterwards, I don’t feel tired and I think I’ve kept my youthful appearance.”

“If Richard or I have had a hard day at work, one of us can rest while the other plays with Grayson, so we don’t get angry and snappy with each other.”

Rachel also emphasizes that having one child is the key to a successful relationship.

“After 12 years together, we’re still madly in love,” she says. “When Grayson’s away or at a party, we have time to be Richard and Rachel. So our relationship is blossoming.”

After 12 years together we are still madly in love

Rachel

And while people often argue that “only children” are spoiled, Rachel says that simply isn’t true.

“Grayson is good at sharing. He doesn’t get robbed by a sibling all the time, so he’s not possessive,” she says.

“And I don’t care if people think I’m selfish – I’d rather be a fantastic mother of one than an average mother of two.”

For Caroline Nicholson, 42, and her fiancé Lee Jones, 48, from South Shields, Tyne and Wear, work pressures and having a son later in life disrupted their dream of having more children.

Caroline, a part-time teaching assistant and mother of Henry (3), says: “I always thought I would have a big family, but we’ve come to terms with Henry being our only child.

“Lee and I didn’t meet until we were in our mid-30s, so our house The purchase, the birth of our child and the wedding are all happening now.

“Weddings are expensive, especially when you’re juggling part-time work, a young child and rising interest rates.”

She and Lee, an accounting software expert, are among a growing number of parents torn between having more children and surviving financially.

“I look around and see more and more mothers with only one child and I know I am not alone,” says Caroline. “It is tragic that more couples like us have only one child.”

Caroline feels that the chances for mothers who are eager to return to work are not great.

“When women go back to work full-time, especially in their mid- to late-30s, they have to catch up on their careers,” she says. “Lee and I both need our income to survive.

“There are also times when people look at you strangely. They assume that you can no longer have children and that can lead to awkward conversations.

“But Lee and I are the faces of so many families across Britain, whose life decisions in 2024 mean we have had to accept that we are ‘one and done’.”

4