Why anonymous sperm donation is over and why it matters

If you are part of a couple raising a child and never marry or divorce, and your spouse wants to sever the bond, you may be considered a legal alien in many states for a child you helped raise but with whom you do not share a genetic bond. “I worry that people are acting in good faith but don’t understand the situation of these families,” said Douglas NeJaime, a Yale law professor who is working with LGBTQ organizations and other academics on a joint statement of principles on access to personal data. the donor. “There is a real legal risk in many places. And then there is the idea that these laws express, which is that biological ties are more important than other ties.”

Malina Simard-Halm, 27, the donor-conceived daughter of a couple of gay fathers, is a former board member of Family Equality and Colage, two groups for LGBTQ families that are part of a coalition calling to pause the passage of more disclosure laws . Simard-Halm is sympathetic to Levy Sniff, but she does not want the state to suggest that it is crucial to look for a donor. Not knowing who that person is doesn’t necessarily create a void, she says. Her fathers were open about how she and her brothers were conceived – an approach that strengthens the relationship between parents and children, research shows – and she experienced no sense of loss.

Simard-Halm remembers having to resist the judgment of outsiders, who imposed on her the assumption that nature is more important than nurture. “People would ask, ‘Who is your mother? Where is she?’” says Simard-Halm. “Sometimes they would say flat out, ‘She’s your real parent. You have to be with her. ”

This framing was used in the past in the fight against gay marriage. A 2010 study called “My Daddy’s Name Is Donor” and funded by the Institute for American Values, a conservative group, claimed that many donor-conceived children felt hurt and isolated by their heritage. The study has not been peer-reviewed, and other research has found that donor-conceived children generally do as well as their peers. But for years, opponents of gay marriage have argued in court that the children of gay couples would be worse off and feel fatherless or motherless.

LGBTQ families are also concerned that some advocates for ending anonymity, including Levy Sniff, believe children should be able to know their donor’s identity earlier than age 18 — at age 16 or 14. They say this creates the potential for conflict between how teens define their families’ identities and how their parents fare. Lowering the age “makes the family more legally vulnerable,” said Courtney Joslin, a law professor at the University of California, Davis. “And it affects both the social perception of the family and perhaps the way children and parents view each other.”