PLATELL’S PEOPLE: Mellow parents are to blame for waking kids who insist on identifying as cat and dog

Of all the stories of wakery and self-identification, none are as bizarre as the one about kids insisting on being addressed by their teachers as cats, dogs, dinosaurs, or other animals known as “furries.”

It’s so absurd I thought it must be fake news – until I read the Mail’s investigation that showed it was a real phenomenon.

In addition, teachers spoil these children. At Rye College in East Sussex, a teacher berated a student as ‘despicable’ for refusing to accept that another in their class should be considered a cat.

It’s gotten to the point where the Department of Education has weighed in, with a spokesperson saying, “It’s completely inappropriate for schools to treat a student like an animal or an inanimate object.”

But the debate now raging over teachers allowing children to self-identify as animals overlooks – if you’ll pardon the pun – a very large elephant in the classroom.

That is, no child enters a class identifying as a hairy in the first place unless their parent or parent allows it. Mum or Dad may not put the cat’s ears on the diddums’ head or attach the tail to their school uniform – after all, some of these kids are teenagers. But parents give in to this ridiculous behavior when they should refuse to let their children go to school – lock them in their room if necessary – unless they are properly dressed.

Yes, awake, trans-obsessed, furry animal-hugging teachers should take the blame. But the real responsibility certainly lies at home.

Who knows why so many parents nowadays capitulate to their children’s every whim? Maybe it’s because of family breakdown, the rise of single-parent families, or too much time at work.

All I know is that we’re in danger of raising a generation of kids who can do no wrong, who will be celebrated, adored, and encouraged in all their stupid fads.

And that if this continues, none of them will be fit for a job in the outside world.

What happened to just saying ‘No!’ say? Any kid allowed to identify as a dinosaur is going to have a hard time doing real work – unless it’s as an extra in Jurassic Park.

How Queen B’s dresses help polish her Halo

On stage in Amsterdam, Beyonce proudly announced that each of her many outfits that evening had been created exclusively by black designers to celebrate Juneteenth, a national holiday in the US to commemorate the emancipation of enslaved African Americans. Let’s just hope the 12 seamstresses she hires to mend her costumes aren’t screwed over by the fact that she’s raking in £7 million per show.

As a cricket enthusiast, why am I afraid of the words ‘Women’s Test cricket live on BBC’? Perhaps it’s because, against Australia, England’s women only play one five-day Test compared to the men’s five-day, their field is smaller making boundaries easier and bowler Lauren Filer’s nearly 130mph fastest ball is dwarfed by Mark Wood’s 97.8 mph in the men’s team.

Maybe I should just relax, tune in and watch the grass grow.

Sex and the Fat…

And Just Like That, the reboot of the 90s hit series Sex And The City, starring Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie, should have been called “Botox And The City” or “And Just Like That, I Called My Plastic Surgeon.”

What a disappointing mixed bag I found the first two episodes: full of awakened tropes; women in their late fifties pretending to be in their thirties; unconvincing sex. Speaking of which, the opening sequence, in which Miranda’s much larger bare-breasted non-binary partner Che makes love to her in a swimming pool, was like watching a hippopotamus in love.

Westminster wars

• As the rate hike hits millions in mortgages, Rishi Sunak says, “It will be fine, we will get through this. I support it 100 percent.’ Highest rates in 15 years and he only has a few months left to deliver? We can expect a forced takeback of number 10 at the next election.
• A little suspicious of Keir Starmer for suggesting he will involve former Prime Ministers Gordon Brown and Tony Blair in an attempt to cram the House of Lords full of Labor colleagues, given Brown’s constitutional review last December called for its abolition of the Lords. Just as Keir himself has previously demanded.
• Leader of the House of Commons Penny Mordaunt was among those who voted for Boris’s defenestration and the Privileges Committee ruling. She may still need that coronation sword to protect her from her constituents.

A touching moment on This Morning today with a tribute to George Michael ahead of what would have been his 60th birthday. He had anonymously given £50,000 to a woman he saw on the show who was struggling to afford IVF. She was back with daughter Betsey, now 11. All the more poignant as George was famous for privately helping strangers but couldn’t save himself.

Cruz Beckham, who has just turned 18 and started his own music career, doesn’t want to get dirty at Glasto with the regular kids and opts to stay in Winnebago with his girlfriend Tana, where plots cost £20,000. Good luck, Cruz. I hope you didn’t inherit your mother Posh’s singing talent.

Lots of giggles, because research shows we’re such creatures of habit that we even have our favorite gas burner on the stove and watch the same movies over and over. But there is also snobbery here. No one scoffs when I say I’ve reread The Great Gatsby or Pride And Prejudice. But if we replay movies, we’re plebs.

Sara MacDonald, Noel Gallagher’s soon-to-be ex-wife, flaunts a barbed wire heart tattoo as their divorce is finalized. He says he’s used to things being “more stable.” Let’s hope he doesn’t look back angrily after realizing that Sara could have been the Wonderwall that gave him his stability.

RMT boss Mick Lynch defends his railway union’s decision to strike in the first week of the school holiday, wreaking havoc on people unable to fly abroad and who rely on trains for their staycations. How is it possible that the Lynch mob has already booked their vacation flights, happy to leave low-income families in train misery?

Spotify insiders revealed ideas Harry suggested for new projects, including interviewing Vladimir Putin and Pope Francis. He blamed the media for portraying him as a “thicko,” but he’s good at that himself.

Do a reality check, Kelly

Kinda rich of Kelly Osbourne to call Harry a “whining, complaining son of a bitch” and the privileged “prince of a damn country” when she herself is the privileged celebrity princess who is only famous on the back of Mom and Dad and their reality TV show The Osbournes.

‘Sin’ of the Sussexes

Celebrating 75 years of the Windrush generation’s contribution to Britain, Sir Trevor Phillips says the Sussexes “wasted a golden opportunity to show everyone what this country is really like in race.”

The equality campaigner said they had constructed “a ridiculous narrative” about their mistreatment, adding: “In my book, that’s a sin.”

Considering that Harry and Meghan’s popularity is at a record low in the UK and US, this is an opinion shared by millions.