JANA HOCKING: My 9 rules to avoid a cringe-inducing Valentine's Day – and the only bogan move that guarantees you will NOT get laid

I cannot possibly understand why so many couples deprive themselves of sex every Valentine's Day.

It's not rocket science: make your partner feel special and he/she will want to be naked with you.

If a day is literally dedicated to that, why not take advantage of it? Insanity.

Every time I hear, “Oh, we don't celebrate Valentine's Day, we think it's a scam,” I think, “WHAT?” You're missing the point. Valentine's Day = sex.'

I love Valentine's Day. I shouldn't do that. I mean, I haven't had a Valentine's date in years. In fact, I should despise it and boo and hiss at every happy couple as they walk past hand in hand. But I don't. I love it.

I love seeing the bunches of flowers delivered to my work. I love seeing girls' faces light up when they are delivered to their desks. I love watching her make rounds around the office 'looking for a vase', which is really just an excuse to show off her flowery harvest.

I really love seeing alpha guys sheepishly walking down the street with a big bouquet of flowers clearly on their way home to play the role of 'perfect partner'.

I love walking past crowded restaurants filled with slack, smiling couples. The day is like a cheesy Netflix movie and I for one am very much in favor of it.

So why do so many of you do it?

Is it because the idea of ​​it makes you cringe? Well, fear not, because I've come up with nine rules that will take the “eww” out of Valentine's Day and get you naked in no time!

'I like walking past crowded restaurants full of slack, smiling couples. The day is like a cheap Netflix movie and I, for one, am very much here for it,” says Jana.

1. You won't be the ultimate libido-killing bogan and rant about how Valentine's Day is a “Hallmark money maker.”

It makes you sound cheap and like a negative party pooper. You know, one of those glass half empty things that takes the fun out of everything. Lean into the day and let yourself be carried away by the romance. If only for the nudie rudie reward at the end of it.

2. You'll think outside the box for the perfect date night

Let's be honest: the cost of living is real right now, so don't worry about an expensive restaurant booking. Stop by your local take-out restaurant, order her favorite food, then go to your local liquor store and buy her favorite bottle of wine. Buy a rug and presto, you have a romantic picnic for under $100. Heck, $50 if she likes a cheap and cheerful bottle of glitter. Valentine's Day doesn't have to cost you an arm and a leg. It's all about the thinking and attention.

Nothing kills sexual desire like a whiff of stinky breath

3. You leave the phone at home, or at least in your pocket or handbag

Nothing says I enjoy your presence as much as your full attention. For an entire meal, leave your phone out of reach and reconnect. Maybe you'll find that spark that's been missing for a while. Instagram can wait, your partner cannot.

4. You send flowers to the office, NOT home

Do your partner an honor and let him or her parade that beautiful bouquet of flowers in front of their colleagues. You look like a knight in shining armor and she gets to glow in the office blinds.

5. You'll check in on their single friends

I may be an anomaly when it comes to V-Day. I love seeing happy couples, but many single people find this day difficult. It can emphasize the loneliness you've been trying to avoid. So check out your friends. Send them a fun 'Galentine's Day' meme, or if you're the singleton, why not gather your fellow comrades and spend the night together watching horror movies and eating all the carbs. This day does not have to be reserved only for the loved one.

Let's be honest: the cost of living is real right now, so don't worry about an expensive restaurant booking. Stop by your local take-out restaurant, order her favorite food, then go to your local liquor store and buy her favorite bottle of wine

6. You are not allowed to contact an ex

There is no denying that this day will put the spotlight on your current relationship status. When you're single, you feel EXTRA single. Don't let that be an excuse to contact that toxic ex you ditched. Gather your friends, delete Instagram from your phone for a day and even delete his number for 24 hours to avoid temptation. You don't want to wake up the next day with regrets. Oh, so sorry.

7. You will make an effort about their appearance

This is not a day for gym gear, shorts or torn underwear. Oh no. This is the day you bring out that cute lace set or sexy boxer shorts. Spray on some fragrance, brush your teeth (extra points for flossing) and put on an outfit that makes you feel va-va-voom. The aim of the game is to try to tear each other's clothes off at the end of the game. So why not remind them why they fell in love with you in the first place? Your shameless good looks.

8. You will avoid garlic

Nothing kills sexual desire like a whiff of stinky breath. Of course, any pasta dish works better if you mop it up with some garlic bread, but don't miss it for one night. In the name of sex, people!

9. Thou shalt cover thy cock

Valentine's Day lasts one day, not 18 years to a lifetime! Don't get so caught up in romance that you forget about contraception. No 'oopsy daisies' allowed.

Go now and enjoy the day, in Cupid's name! If only for the extra bonus at the end. Wink wink.