Call Moony: How do I avoid a funeral trade with his sisters?

Dear bell,

Wedowed quite young, I moved alongside a nice neighbor who introduced me to her step brother Jim and five step sisters. The girls were aloof, but Jim was sweet.

Eight years later he and his wife split – and later he asked me for a date. I was not looking for romance, but he made me over to try him.

He is the nicest, friendliest man I have ever known. We do not live together (health problems) but see each other every day and consider ourselves a few. But his sisters are still hostile.

The oldest says that I am looking for Jim’s money – if I have more than he and him just bought a (used but very nice) car! It doesn’t seem to matter.

Our real problem is the youngest sister, Sally. Two months ago we were asked by a sister about a family break, but when we got there, Sally started and refused to board the funeral car with us.

I always thought she is mentally unstable, but we just got out and drove our own car to church. Jim was rather upset, but he just accepted it as ‘normal’ behavior of her.

Then another funeral – and a huge row. To make a long story short, Sally demanded that I got out of Jim’s front seat because I was not a family and did not have the right to go to a family borrying when she needed a lift. Jim told her to get lost.

She started screaming, kicking our car and hammering on the window.

Another sister tried to calm her down, just to be beaten and kicked. Jim tried to intervene, but Sally ran to him, swear and pushed him hard against the house, so he fell over.

In an attempt to control her, a passer -by was hit for his problems, so I let her down by kicking the back of her knee. She just got out of hand.

The police were called, Sally hit the female officer.

We all missed the funeral. Sally was removed and then divided, but was allowed at home after a month.

Now the other sisters blame me for disturbing Sally. A good friend of ours has just died and we have been invited by the family. But I am sure that all Jim sisters will be there.

Our friend’s family knows what happened and say they make sure that Jim and I are sitting with them at the name, and we all hope that it will not be another punch-up, although they have a few big boys to see Sally when she shows.

Do you have advice?

Francine

Call Moeney answers: If I state that this all sounds like an average day on Albert Square-Nog a fracas of aggressive Easters who are bent in drama, I assure you that I am writing more in sorrow than Sarkiness.

Because I had to edit your long letter with two -thirds, I have a lot of details about it

The way in which Jim’s sisters behaved on the street, when the neighbor called the police, the worst example.

How unspeakably sad that funerals, occasions of mourning and memory, if not respected, must be respected by people without a sense of dignity or restraint. It’s really shocking.

And there is that mention of the ‘big boys’ who may be ready to strongly arm the sister with anger problems … Well, do you really think this is the way forward?

Was it a wise thing for you to ‘down’ Jim’s sister with a staircase, whatever she did? Why didn’t you just drive away?

Those women choose not to consider you as ‘family’ what because they are still in contact with Jim’s ex-wife and somehow blame you for the split.

I think that is probably, but who knows what goes through the heads of possessive and irrational people?

I doubt a lot that civilized conversations were once had between Jim and his sisters, even if he knows they would not listen.

And now it seems less likely than ever.

Because you and Jim have found pleasure in each other’s company, especially in view of the health problems that you both suffer (details you have shared with me), your decision is not to contact the sisters, unless they contact you are par excellence. It is sad that they push their only brother away, but that’s how it is.

My advice is not to go to the friend’s funeral where those sisters are probably. Because the man was Jim’s friend, and it is not necessary to be accompanied by the hip, I see no reason for you to be there and to make yourself the innocent cause of problems.

If you decide to go, half expected conflicts, I am afraid

You wouldn’t make that decision innocent. Jim can only express his respect, and you could arrange two to have a quiet meal with those who invited you, in memory, away from those sisters.

This situation will not change, so stay away.

Dear bell,

I have been married for 27 years. My wife is a great lady, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with her. From the start, sex was over very quickly because I didn’t really like her.

Okay, do you ask why her marry? I was pushed into it by my father and it seemed the right thing to do at that time. I had had other girlfriends, but in the end always shy away. Nerves, I think.

My wife runs a beautiful house and we have a married daughter. We have not had sex for about five years, even though I think she would be willing if I was.

Two years ago I became involved with a woman at work whose husband had an affair. We came very close. It led to snogs and hugs (and a little more), but because I said I couldn’t leave my wife, she took her husband back. I was devastated and said I would leave my wife because I wanted her.

My wife suspected that something was wrong and I admitted that I depicted this woman, but she had returned to her husband. My wife asked if she hadn’t gone back, would I be more? I couldn’t answer honestly, but she certainly tries to let the marriage work.

I now see someone else from my work; We have not had full sex (only great oral sex) but are very close …

The other woman is waiting for me to leave my wife. I love the thought, but I feel afraid of case I am left alone. What should I do?

Derek

Call Moeney answers: I wonder if it ever came to you that you may have just walked through your entire life so far cannot be able to face reality – and you even feel afraid of it?

In your youth there were many relationships with girls, but you never felt able to take one of them seriously.

You call ‘nerves’ but let’s call (because of the argument) a fear of dedication.

Eventually you allowed yourself to be ‘pushed’ by a father who thought you should settle down – a scenario that feels quite like something from a different era.

Intimidated by dad, you have married to faithfully faithfully and your poor woman has since suffered.

I hope that the debt you now say that you can feel that you can stretch completely back to when you lied to an innocent young woman and refused her the love she needed.

When we come to the two emotional things with women from work, it seems to me that both are/are characterized by the embarrassment.

It is one thing to sniff in a car and fiddle like an Randy teenager, but something else to take such a relationship seriously.

The first time you became Friskky, it was with a woman upset because of her husband’s affair, but every hope she had in you was due to your fear of leaving your wife.

Don’t tell me that that was about morality because I don’t believe it.

Now your wife works hard – understandably anxious, although the ‘big lady’ is – to improve the state of your marriage while you are busy in that car with sexual pleasure supplied by another woman, Lucky Chap.

And you would like to leave this second lady so that she can throw her old man away, but you are afraid that it will all be pear -shaped and you will stay alone.

You are not afraid to hurt the woman who tolerates you for 27 years (or, by the way, the man whose wife in that car is steaming with you), simply because he has no one to have a ‘beautiful house’ for you.

I understand what it’s like to go after a long relationship of sex. And what it is like to fall for someone you should not do – and that work situations can be a hotbed of frustrated lust.

It is sad, but at least you are honest that you admit that you do not love the woman with whom you live. Although in the first place you do not relieve the responsibility for an unfair marriage.

You now have two choices – and both take a courage that has never been shown before. You leave your wife for the other woman and take the painful consequences that can alienate from your daughter. Or be left alone.

Whether you stay and look for counseling does everything to ensure that your wife no longer feels so miserably insecure. I don’t care about your sexual drive. She is a flawless woman who earns better from the man she said ‘yes’ all those years ago.