Confessions of a white claw alcoholic. Don’t be fooled by thinking that it is the ‘lighter’ choice – by the end I was with cheap gin and I did something so terrible that I promised never to drink again

It was the call who doesn’t want to hear a woman from her young child, especially in the middle of the night: a helpless moaning that only meant one thing: “I need my mother.”

Except, in the beginning Jacey Curran heard nothing. She was cold in a drunk stupor after another night of a drink at home.

“It was a Wednesday, a school evening and my middle child was sick,” says Jacey Me.

“I had gotten drunk as usual and went to bed early. I woke up with my child who cried for cough medicine. When I got up, I fell back and realized that I was too drunk to even get down the stairs. ‘

Knowing that she couldn’t be there for her sick child, cut deep. For Jacey, the fault and shame of that night was her low point.

“I knew I had to stop,” she says.

Alcoholism slowly crawled on Jacey. From the outside, her suburban life in Connecticut with her husband and three young daughters seemed calm.

Her drink, Jacey tells me, had always been tough but manageable. Her pregnancies kept her sober. She then even had months of austerity while breastfeeding.

But after her third child was born, Booze stretched his hold.

“Only after my last child was three or four months old, did I start relaxing,” she says.

‘I struggled with postpartum depression and my husband worked most nights. I found wine the best anxiety lighting I could find. ‘

Then the Pandemie lost and Jacey lost its small company. The financial stress, together with Lockdowns with three children, saw her mental health spiral.

Her loyal friend, alcohol, waited in the wings. Unbelievable, she would use ‘lighter’ alcoholic drinks such as white claw as mixers for the hard stuff.

“I quickly started drinking drink mixed with wine or hard seltzers and it became problematic,” she says.

Drinking became Jacey’s escape, a tool to numb the pain and sorrow she felt. One night when her husband got rid of, Jacey hurried through the bedtime of the children, enthusiastically to start drinking.

She had bought 12 white claws, a popular brand of Hard Seltzer and a bottle of 750 ml from the cheapest gin, Crystal Palace, for the evening.

There is a certain irony in White Claw as one of Jacey’s chosen toxins. The Hard Seltzer is marketed as a modern, health-conscious, no-pusss option and loved by Gen Z-women who see the slim cans as a ‘clean’ alternative to beer or spirits.

The fact that these low low -calorie, low -carbohydrate drinks are so smooth is perhaps why they can be so deceptively addictive.

‘Drinking was my only true love, my favorite escape. Although it worsened my fear after delivery, it also became the only short -term lighting for it. I looked forward to drinking time every day, “says Jacey.

‘I drank because I was sad, lost, lonely, ashamed and scared to see what life was without. I hated that I was a drunk mother. I knew my children deserved better, but I still continued my addiction because I didn’t know a way out. ‘

Only her husband and best friend knew the size of her drink.

“My husband tried to approach my drinks carefully from time to time, but I would fight back and tell him that I was in control.”

And her life started to fall apart.

“I shouted a lot of sick at work, lost every motivation to keep a clean house, to bathe irregularly, stopped going to the doctor and had debilitating panic attacks that held me from having close relationships with friends.”

But it was only in that night that she could not comfort her sick child that Jacey knew she had to change, and her husband gave all the alcohol in the house in the sink.

“We fought, I cried, he cried. But I never drank again, “she says.

That was May 2023, and although Jacey admits that it was the most difficult time of her life, she has not touched a drop of alcohol since then.

She did not go to the treatment, instead they stop at home cold turkey, a method that is not medically recommended because of the risk of withdrawal symptoms.

Her support system was the online community Reddit.

“The Subreddit R/Stopdrinking is what I have checked in religious all day and night,” she reveals.

Although many former Drinkers talk about the clarity and joy that comes early in austerity, it took her a year for Jacey to feel the full effects.

“It was as if drinking had put down a gray, wet blanket about my life and spirit. Austerity slowly brought joy back into my life. ‘

Jacey has since lost almost 25 kg (55 lbs or almost 4th), repaired her marriage and reconnected with her children, now seven, nine and 11.

‘My panic attacks have been taken to a manageable level. I am now in therapy and look forward to continuing to heal my body and brain, “she adds.

‘I wake up early and no longer feel affected by fear, shame and feelings of guilt. I enjoy the truth of my own company and that is something that I never thought was possible. “

With nearly 36,000 followers on Instagram (@jaceydoessober), she is brutally honest about her former life as an alcoholic and says that most of her followers stay at home who are worried about their drinks and are looking for support.

“It is a common and serious condition in women.”

On her platform Jacey shares an eye-opening series of Haspels called ‘Things I ded as an alcoholic’, including: lying to her doctor about drinking, drinking four glasses of wine on a one-hour flight, days without baths and not taking medication for Strep throat because it would disturb her drink.

Jacey is studying to become a certified recovery support specialist and has three tips for those who fight the drink:

1. Have a stop plan: “Understand that it will suck first, so go in prepared with your favorite hobbies/films/support system.”

2. Walking: ‘Every time I felt any discomfort in early austerity, I would leave my house and my street pace. Let your legs hurt, so your brain doesn’t. ‘

3. Tell someone: ‘Keep yourself responsible by sharing your addiction with someone else. Even a strange online helps. Find a community large or small to help you. ‘