I’m on the cusp of leaving my partner because of his ‘bizarre’ relationship with his ‘suffocating’ mother

A woman considers leaving her long-time partner because of the ‘bizarre’ relationship he has with his mother.

The friend says her partner James turns into a ‘passive and meek’ man when he is around his dominant mother Tina and will do as she says.

She and James will discuss their lives together and be on the same page, but if Tina disagrees, James will side with his mother and fire his girlfriend.

The woman added that James will have long phone conversations with his mother every day and if she is unable to visit her and James weekly, Tina will make snide comments.

She is at her wits’ end with her potential mother-in-law and has asked whether it is worth continuing her relationship with James, who she says is otherwise ‘sweet and decent’.

An Australian woman said she is ‘on the verge’ of breaking up with her boyfriend James over his ‘unusual’ relationship with his mother Tina (stock image)

“I love James, I really do, but do I love him enough to deal with the bizarre family dynamics? To be honest, I don’t know anymore,” the friend wrote in a letter to the Everyone has a secret podcast.

The woman said she has a great relationship with James but is “on the verge” of leaving him because of his “unusual” relationship with Tina.

“James is generally a very decent, lovely man. “I’m with him for a reason, but as soon as his mother Tina comes into the picture, he turns into a passive and meek little boy,” she explained.

“He’s not a 31-year-old man around his mother and it annoys me, which is a problem since we’re around her quite a bit.”

If the woman and Tina disagree on something, James will side with her and argue for what she said, instead of supporting his girlfriend.

Once, the three of them were talking about baby names and the idea that she and James might one day have children.

“Tina asked me what I like, I told her Tom and said I like the flow of a one-syllable name like Tom with our hyphenated last names. Well, she almost had a heart attack thinking about it,” the woman said.

“She was condescending and cruel, saying things like, ‘You’re not going to torture the poor kid with a double surname, are you?’ I was amazed.’

The woman said James’ response to his mother’s objections left her “seething.”

“James, despite agreeing with me many times behind closed doors that I have every right to give my future child my last name, I was in labor with the child and carrying it in my body for nine months,” she said .

‘He hasn’t said a word in his defense, he hasn’t bothered to tell Tina that he actually supports the plan. He even said, ‘I know Mom’ at one point in response to her.”

The girlfriend and James also plan to buy a house together, but he lets Tina interfere in their decision.

“James only wants us to buy townhouses in areas that Tina thinks are sensible. Funnily enough, all the suburbs are within 15 minutes of her house. None of these suburbs are close to our friends or our workplaces,” she said.

If they find something they like online, James immediately sends it to his mother.

‘He then FaceTimes her when we do the inspection or when she comes over. When I pointed out this was annoying, James said it made sense because his mother has good eyesight,” the frustrated friend said.

She added that James will call his mother every day and that the calls will last at least 20 minutes each time.

“Tina weaponizes her loneliness against us and seems to have an unspoken rule that we have to see her at least once a week,” she said.

“If I ever indicate that I can’t come or just don’t want to, she texts me something annoying or attention-seeking, like ‘Did I do something to hurt you?’ It’s suffocating.’

The woman admitted Tina ‘hasn’t had the easiest time’ and was distraught when her husband, James’ father, left her for a family friend.

“This experience made her bitter towards men her age and very needy towards her son,” she said.

Nevertheless, she does not want Tina to become so involved in her relationship and wonders if it is worth continuing.

‘Is it fair or justified for a family member to be the deal breaker? Do I stay or do I go?’ she asked.

The girlfriend’s dilemma angered many listeners, who said she should leave James as soon as possible and that family members are a “valid” reason to end a relationship.

‘His SILENCE is his ANSWER. RUN! DO NOT have children with this man child,” one woman said.

“If he can’t take your side now, he never will. You will have a three-way relationship,” another agreed.

“Dear God, this is a breakthrough… with his MOTHER. Now go away, don’t waste any more time. Once marriage and kids are involved, you’re in HELL 24/7. Their relationship is insanely codependent,” a third replied.

Others thought she should give James a chance and have a frank conversation with him about how he acts around his mother.

“You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about setting serious boundaries with his mother.” If he’s not comfortable with that, well…” one user suggested.

“I would give him a chance to get counseling and if he refuses then leave,” said a second.

But not everyone saw any problem in the relationship between James and Tina.

‘Italian families see each other at least once a week, normally two or three times. There’s nothing wrong with having a close-knit family, it takes a village to raise a child, we all lose something special,” one woman said.