I’m a psychotherapist and these are the ten signs your husband might be cheating. Here’s what to do if you spot them…
As a psychotherapist and relationship therapist, I meet many women who struggle to repair a broken relationship after their partner has been caught cheating. The question I am often asked is: ‘Should I have recognized the signs?’ and ‘What should I have paid attention to?’
It’s not the duped’s responsibility to become the detective, but being completely in the dark can leave you shocked and ashamed, and it’s easy to berate yourself for not realizing what was going on.
Psychotherapy and relationship counselor Charlotte Fox Weber reveals how to spot a cheater
The bitter reality is that some men are master deceivers who will do anything to ensure they don’t betray themselves. Maybe you’ve been too trusting, too preoccupied with work or young children, or maybe you didn’t want to believe he could be anything but completely loyal.
Nowadays it is rarely the obvious giveaways that cause the first warnings (the smell of an unknown fragrance, a stranger’s earring in your bed, or a long blond hair on his collar…), but you have to trust your intuition . If you suspect something is wrong, you could be right, and if you’re alert and observant, you can notice much more subtle signs that – without him realizing it – could give him away. Read on to discover what they are.
Beware of the bathroom dashboard
Your partner may be cheating if he rushes to the shower as soon as he gets home
If he goes straight to the bathroom or shower without greeting you when he gets home, he would like to calm his guilty conscience and compose himself before coming to you. It could also be his chance to wash away the scent of another woman.
Suddenly angry about ‘manscaping’
Don’t worry too much about cleaning up before the holidays, but be alert to new attentive trimming, shaving, or waxing of his body hair for no apparent reason, without discussing the transformation with you beforehand.
Changing your sex life
A sudden lack of interest in sex from your husband should set alarm bells ringing for you
Be alert to a decreased desire to have sex, or excuses to escape sex at times that may have become routine. Also keep an eye out for any unexpected changes in sexual prowess: if he starts using positions and techniques that were never part of your repertoire as a couple, he could learn (and practice) them elsewhere.
Flaky about future plans
When you talk about an upcoming vacation, a family wedding, a move, getting a puppy and your previously progressive partner seems vacant and uninvolved, it could indicate a man who has already ended your relationship and is uncomfortable thinking about it about your future together. It can also be a sign of depression, so don’t jump to conclusions based on this sign alone.
He doesn’t trust you anymore
When a man is distracted by another woman (whether it’s a crush or a full-blown affair), he can turn the tables, making you feel like you’re the one who can’t be trusted. He may seem jealous or suspicious of your behavior, even if you don’t do anything out of the ordinary or refuse to reveal secrets you may have discussed before.
Avoid eye contact
He may avoid looking you straight in the eye, as if he has something serious to hide from you
Beware of hesitant eye contact. There’s something about the shame and secrecy of an affair that makes it difficult for many men (though by no means all men) to continue to behave completely normally toward their partner. Pay attention if you feel a profound change in how things feel when you’re together, especially if your partner seems distant and disconnected and has trouble looking you in the eye.
He gets uncomfortable
Some men are good at lying and can convey the complexities of a double life without leaving the slightest clue, but most will unknowingly trip up a fragile story. If he tells you a story about what he’s been up to, look for signs that he’s uncomfortable or irritated when you ask for more details.
Why so eager to help?
Does the guy who has never walked the dog volunteer to walk around the block late at night? Does he hang around in his car a little longer after he gets home from work? Offer to go to stores he’d never bothered to visit before? This could mean he’s looking for moments alone for a phone call.
Overprotective of his phone
One of the main signs of a cheater is being glued to his phone and even taking it into the bathroom
Anything else to look out for when it comes to his phone? Be careful when taking him to the bathroom, never leave him unattended, and react violently when you pick him up. He may be hiding a porn addiction, but he may also be afraid of you discovering indiscreet and incriminating messages or emails.
Hypocritical much?
Don’t ignore it if your man feels inexplicably uncomfortable initiating a conversation about relationships – yours or someone else’s. If he cheats, it may be too close for comfort, and he may worry that he is unknowingly betraying himself. Alternatively, he might try to throw you off track by becoming unusually righteous about “good” relationships, preaching about infidelity, and appearing shocked about someone else’s infidelity.
…And here’s what you can do about it
Catching your partner having an affair can have devastating consequences, but many couples do recover
If you strongly suspect that your partner or spouse is having an affair, you can become a super sleuth looking for confirmation, or you can choose to accept the situation and avoid confrontation. It’s good to know that couples are constantly recovering from infidelity, and if you value your relationship, it’s best to tell him about your suspicions and ask (gently) if they are justified.
If you want to save your relationship, a calm approach works best. Things are not always what they seem (his cheating could be because he is hiding financial stress) and even if he is considering or even having an affair, you can try to find a way through it together if you want.
As told to Louise Atkinson
@charlottefoxweberpsychotherapy
