JAN MOIR: The scandal grenade exploded in Monaco for Prince Albert is a grim warning of what a prince without a goal can do

What was it about billionaire Prince Albert of Monaco that attracted so many women?

Was it his personal charm – or his beautiful, bulging, deep pockets? Albert is the son of the beautiful Grace Kelly and the dashing Prince Rainier, but even his closest friends would be hard-pressed to determine exactly where his personal fortune ends and his personal magnetism begins. However, Albert never let this lack of charisma stop him from chasing (and capturing) the babies.

For decades he has built a reputation as a philanderer whose activities have been bombarded by extreme royal privilege; an unashamed lover who did what he wanted, with who he wanted, when he wanted.

And with claims emerging this week about secret bank accounts used to fund his former lovers and illegitimate children, one can only be grateful that Prince Andrew – his fellow royal madman across the water – saw little of the determination and energy Prince Albert has when it comes to being a playboy.

To conclude. Albert's 13-year marriage to Princess Charlene has produced twins Gabriella and Jacques, aged nine, but it seems neither parent has been happy. Should that be a surprise? Over the years, Charlene has been hospitalized exhausted, never smiling, and missing for a strangely long time with sinus problems, amid speculation that at least some of her problems have not been resolved by Albert's previous conquests.

One can only be thankful that Prince Andrew – his fellow royal fool across the water – has little of Prince Albert's determination and energy when it comes to playing playboy

At last public count, he has two illegitimate children: Jazmin Grimaldi, 31, was the product of a brief affair with real estate agent Tamara Rotolo, while Alexandre Grimaldi-Coste, 20, was born after his affair with Nicole Coste, a former Air France executive. agent. flight attendant.

Of course, you never know where and when Cupid's arrow will strike, even if you are a prince. Yet all this points to a certain energetic opportunism and determined romantic succession by the Monegasque ruler. Compare this to our own royal lumpen lothario – and breathe a sigh of relief: there are no love children!

Mad Prince Andrew says he can't even remember meeting Virginia Giuffre, who was trafficked to London as a 17-year-old and ordered to have sex with him in a stable bath in Belgravia.

It's the kind of event that makes your knees shake, like anniversaries or special birthdays or the day he proposed or crashed the car, that you hope someone will never forget. But when it comes to his own peccadilloes, real or imagined, the man formerly known as Randy Andy can't remember even meeting Virginia. Even though she claims she was practically presented to him on a silver platter, like a warm sofa at a palace reception.

In the civil assault case that followed many years later, Andrew maintained his innocence but paid Virginia a £12 million settlement; a high price for the most expensive amnesia in royal history since Henry VIII forgot he was married to Catherine of Aragon when he met Anne Boleyn.

Still, I wonder if all this has something to do with British restraint, as opposed to Mediterranean flamboyance. While Prince Albert of Monaco popped champagne corks in a silk tie while chatting to flight attendants and real estate agents, our royals tend to be tweener and more circumspect when it comes to tea and push, push crumpet. Not to mention shy. Like shy voles during mating season, they rarely venture outside their own burrows when they are in the mood for romance.

Look at the king, who had a long affair with Camilla, the wife of one of his best friends, Andrew Parker Bowles. The rumor suggests that who ever had a relationship with Princess Anne. Charles was even a helpful godfather to Camilla and Andrew's son, Tom.

If they weren't all so posh, they'd go on a seaside holiday to Devon together, drinking cups of tea with a shared tartan traveling rug over their knees. This is how the British do it: minimal effort, keeping it fun, a really good show, cheering all around, can I seduce you with another woman?

It's almost quaint compared to the scandal grenade that exploded in Monaco. The pin was pulled by a disgruntled accountant who worked for Prince Albert and the Grimaldi family and was privy to all their darkest financial secrets. (Game Of Thrones rule number one: never grumble at your accountant.)

Yet Claude Palermo was so much more than an accountant. During the twenty years he worked for Prince Albert, he was his boss's Cardinal Richelieu to King Louis Prince Albert. shady people.

He also knew who was spending what, including Princess Charlene's apparent inability to stick to a £1.2 million-a-year budget while allegedly employing illegal immigrants for £85 a day. Meanwhile, enormous sums were apparently siphoned out of the swamp to provide Albert's illegitimate children with luxury homes and their respective mothers with incomes.

Frankly, I admire Albert for generously caring for his offspring – that's the only good thing in his favor.

It may be unfair, but in similar circumstances I can imagine the cash-strapped Windsors bickering over heating bills and school fees, grudgingly paying and questioning every last expense. Another pair of sneakers? Can't the boy cope with last year's arguments? And so forth.

So while the scandal continues to engulf the Grimaldis and the citizens of Monaco have every right to feel shortchanged by the disgusting extravagance, let's be thankful that Prince Andrew was simply too lazy to get himself into as much romantic trouble as the priapic , unstoppable Prince. Albert. And just too boring to think beyond Pitch@Palace in the business and commercial field.

Yet this Monegasque mess is a grim warning of what a puffed-up prince with little purpose in life will be up to, whether he lives in Monaco, Mummy's House or anywhere else.