Mum sparks heated debate over secret family ‘code word’ after daughter-in-law complains about being excluded: ‘She’s not family’

A mother has been criticized for being unwelcome and ‘isolating’ her daughter-in-law after ‘excluding’ the younger woman from a family gathering.

The mother revealed that her family has a secret ‘code word’ that signals an urgent family meeting.

‘This is extremely rare and it means you need to drop what you are doing and get over it as quickly as possible. It’s just for the kids, no in-laws invited,” she shared on Reddit. This has been discussed and agreed upon by everyone.’

She explained that the “rule” was because her family only felt comfortable sharing bad news with their siblings and didn’t want to worry about being “polite” to their in-laws.

After a recent meeting, the mother’s daughter-in-law berated her for “excluding” her and said she “expected an invitation” next time.

A mother has been criticized for not welcoming her daughter-in-law and ‘isolating’ her

The mother shared more information about what counted as an “emergency.”

‘My daughter used the code word when she was getting divorced and needed help. Everyone tells their spouses about the encounter, but not all the grainy details.

‘Today my husband called an emergency meeting. In short, he needs surgery, I won’t go into more detail. Everyone left and I got a call from my daughter-in-law, who was upset that she hadn’t been invited to the meeting.”

The mother was confused by her daughter-in-law’s demand.

‘I asked if she knew what [the meetings] and she told me that my son had explained it. She reiterated that she should still be invited and I excluded her. That she is angry and expects and invites the next time.

“I told her that her feelings aren’t my problem, and that she didn’t need to be invited to everything. She called me a jerk.”

Hundreds criticized the mother for her “insular” behavior and deliberately “expelling” her in-laws.

‘This is so depressing. You don’t consider your child’s spouses as family. I pity you. You sound very angry and bitter,” one person said.

Hundreds criticized the mother for her “insular” behavior and deliberately “expelling” her in-laws

A second wrote: ‘This is overly dramatic and sounds tiring. It’s almost cult-like how they leave out the husbands. That is very isolating and not welcome.”

“Do you really need to call an emergency meeting with the family to tell them that you, a grown adult, are getting divorced or need surgery?” a man asked. “These are called normal life problems and they are not emergencies.

‘Most people only call a few times and the rest know within a few weeks. Definitely some main character energy in this family, especially with the secret ‘family meeting’ code.”

But many defended family tradition and respected their decision to share private matters with their closest relatives first.

“Not everything is for everyone all the time,” said one.

‘I don’t understand the hate. There are some things I’d rather discuss with my parents and siblings, but not with my brother-in-law, as wonderful as he is,” another added.

A third wrote: ‘It’s not that strange to share big news with your blood family first. It can be very difficult to announce difficult things.’

“The idea that I have to make myself most vulnerable to someone simply because someone I love married them is ridiculous,” one woman said.