No royal treatment for the inspector of the Mail’s hotel at the Berkshire property where Meghan Markle stayed

There’s nothing quite like approaching Cliveden driving around the statue of The Fountain of Love (even if your bike is an old stunner) and then up the gravel road past trees that have seen it all but won’t say a word.

To our right we see the door that leads to the pool and spa – yes, the pool where John Profumo was tricked by Christine Keeler and captivated the nation.

Then a sign says: ‘Only for hotel guests’ when we find a parking space between a Jaguar and Porsche.

After all this you might expect a grand meet-and-greet, but there isn’t. In the outer hall, an employee does not look up when we walk by. And in the darkened Great Hall, the atmosphere is supposed to be electric, but it’s like someone pulled the plug.

No one comes to us, so I walk to a desk and ask if we can check in, after which a young woman with little English shows us to our room at a funeral pace.

Above is the hotel pool, where John Profumo was seduced by Christine Keeler and captivated the nation

Meghan and her mother stayed in Cliveden the night before the royal wedding. Presumably their suites looked out over the parterre and down towards the Thames. We are in the George Bernard Shaw room, far from the main hall and reception.

A framed note tells us that Shaw, a friend of Nancy Astor, was a frequent visitor. Apparently, he agreed to have his beard trimmed by Nancy’s barber, but didn’t cut his political views to hers.

It’s a lavish room, but manly. A touch of color wouldn’t go amiss. The checkered headboard looks dignified but drab – though the marble bathroom is outstanding.

Keeping a place like this going must cost a small fortune.

Meghan Markle stayed in Cliveden the night before the royal wedding. ‘Presumably their suites looked over the parterre (upstairs) and down to the Thames,’ the inspector writes

Pictured is Meghan and her mother, Doria Ragland, arriving at Cliveden House in 2018

“It must cost a small fortune to maintain such a place,” says the inspector of the hotel. Upstairs is the Blakeney Suite

Pictured is the hotel’s ‘French Dining Room’. The Inspector says of his stay: ‘Rooms start at £445. When you pay that kind of money expectations go up’

Cliveden – along with hotels such as Chewton Glen and The Lygon Arms – is part of the Iconic Luxury Hotels group. When it was taken over by the Livingstone brothers in 2012, the hotel was given a refresh, but it needs another.

At breakfast we are shocked by the broken and scraped door that leads to the buffet area. There is no butter on our dining table and getting the attention of the staff is an ordeal.

Rooms start at £445. Paying that kind of money raises expectations and, frankly, we feel shortchanged.