Rachel Leviss Admits She Still Owes Ariana Madix An Apology After Watching The Season Premiere Of Vanderpump Rules: 'I Realized My Behavior Was Hurtful To Her'

Rachel Leviss is still soul searching following the fallout from her affair with former boyfriend Ariana Madix's boyfriend Tom Sandoval.

The reality star, 29, said she realized she owed Ariana an apology after she continued to communicate with Tom after the scandal came to light in early 2023.

The revelation came to Rachel — who originally apologized to Ariana during the Vanderpump Rules Season 10 reunion last year — while watching the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 premiere on Tuesday.

“It was hard to watch because I'm in a different place than I was then,” she explained of the viewing during the latest episode of her podcast Rachel goes rogue.

'I got emotional when I saw that. I realized that my behavior was so hurtful to her.”

The reality star, 29, said she realized she owed Ariana an apology after she continued to communicate with Tom after the scandal came to light in early 2023; Ariana in January

She continued, “I feel like with the apology I made at the reunion, I had the right intentions and I'm very sorry, but there's another part of an apology, which is your actions afterwards — they have to connect with what you do. you say.

'And by sending him letters and staying in touch for quite some time, I want to take the time to apologize again, because I'm in a different place than I was then, and I can see things a lot clearer now. .'

In March last year, Rachel became the focus of a major scandal when her affair with Tom, who was then dating co-star Ariana, was exposed.

After VPR's intense season 10 reunion and a long stint in rehab, Rachel surprised everyone by choosing to leave the show.

On her podcast, Rachel said she had mixed feelings about not returning to the Bravo series.

“I'm watching this show and I'm really having to accept that I'm not going to be on this season, and that was a decision that I really had a lot of weight in,” she said.

“I didn't take that lightly, and so it's almost like part of me is mourning what could have happened in another parallel timeline. But I think I made the right decision by not going back.”

The revelation comes just days after Rachel made a promise not to date for a year.

The revelation came to Rachel — who originally apologized to Ariana during the Vanderpump Rules Season 10 reunion last year — while watching the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 premiere on Tuesday.

“It was hard to watch because I'm in a different place than I was then,” she explained of the viewing during the latest episode of her podcast Rachel Goes Rogue

'I haven't been dating for a year, and by doing that I'm only focusing on myself and after this conversation I'm focusing on my emotions that are coming to me, like what are my own needs that I need to meet, and not the adding an extra person to the equation,” she said on her podcast.

She continued, “So that it's just focused on me and other people, but also my friends and family and the people in my inner circle who are safe friends.”

Rachel also addressed claims that she didn't take the fallout from her affair seriously.

“As I describe these things and tell these memories, I don't find it funny or enjoy it, and so I feel like maybe the messages [is] getting a little lost,” she added.

“But when I talk to my family and my close friends, I have a more serious attitude and I don't smile through it.”

'I got emotional when I saw that. I realized my behavior was so hurtful to her,” Rachel said

She continued, “I feel like with the apology I made at the reunion, I had the right intentions and I'm very sorry, but there's another part of an apology, which is your actions afterwards — they have to connect with what you do. you say

She shared insights about her ninety-day stay in a mental health facility, revealing that during this time she discovered the existence of a defense mechanism she called a “pleasure wall.”

This coping mechanism would emerge when she faced adversity.

“It's a wall you've put up that keeps you from being intimate with other people, and that's why you're not as relational and people can't connect with you on a deeper level,” she explained.

“And so I recognize that I have a 'wall of pleasure' that I can't help but come up,” she added.

“It doesn't work for me anymore,” she said. 'I actually see it as a protection for myself.'