SAUCY SECRETS: I spotted my sister’s boyfriend somewhere he should NOT be – do I tell her what I saw?
Dear Jana,
I saw my sister’s boyfriend on a gay dating app. I don’t want to release him, but I think she deserves to know. Do I tell her?
Nicholas
Dear, dear, Nicholas. Throw your phone in a river and run away very quickly. This is not your ‘outing’ thing to do. Maybe he’s a little curious, or maybe he’s thrown himself straight into the gay dating app scene. Who knows. You don’t, so I’d stay out of it.
What I would do instead is have a quiet word with him. Show him your evidence and provide him with a safe space to open up. Maybe he feels societal pressure to stay firmly in the closet and if so, that’s just damn sad. Or if he gets dirty with your sister, you can at least scare him a little and hopefully get him to have a conversation of his own with her.
All I know is that it is never our job to “take someone out.” They will do it themselves when they are ready.
Jana Hocking shares her best Saucy Secrets and her signature sassy advice
Dear Jana,
Last night I had a few too many margaritas and hooked up with my best friend’s ex-husband. I can’t even blame it on the alcohol, I’ve liked him for years and we’ve always flirted a bit, but last night it turned into something more and I liked it.
Now I can’t stop thinking about him, but I know I shouldn’t. She already has a new boyfriend, but I still feel bad.
I have two questions: should I tell my best friend, and would it be bad if I hooked up with him again?
Staff!
Olivia
Ooooh Olivia, you’re going to hell! That aside, let’s unpack this a bit, shall we. You’ve hooked up with a guy you like (yay!) but chances are your best friend won’t be impressed (boo!).
The typical answer would be ‘mates before dates’, but knowing how hard it is to find a good match these days, I hesitate to tell you that. Especially because I have a friend who is now married to her best friend’s ex. So who knows, you might miss the opportunity to find a soulmate for the sake of friendship.
First of all, I would find out if the guy likes you or is just looking for a nice one night stand. If the answer is an ONS, I would zip my lips and pray no one saw you two hooking up.
However, if there is an opportunity to explore this connection further, I would take your best friend out for a wine (or 10) and confess. Maybe leave out the part where you’ve liked him for years. She doesn’t need to know that. Yes, she will probably be upset, but give her time to process it and she might surprise you.
Jana Hocking shares advice on what to do if your relationship isn’t going smoothly
Dear Jana,
I’ve been dating a guy for three months who is so loving, great at texting, great in bed and not bad on the eyes, but every now and then he says something misogynistic that really ruffles my feathers
He works in construction and they have a new female employee. He said to me last night, “I think she should be paid less because she’s not as strong as the rest of us.” I wanted to hit him.
He also makes casual sexist comments about my best friend, who is single, and occasionally shares details about her one-night stands. I hate the way he judges her.
Should I leave him or is it possible to teach a man how not to be sexist? Everything else in our relationship is perfect.
Mia
Oh Mia, as someone who ended a date early when the guy started quoting Andrew Tate, I feel for you. Unfortunately, this casual misogyny is everywhere and when it comes into conversation it can be very annoying and very disrespectful.
As much as my brain thinks you should say “te-taa-loo loser,” I also understand that it’s never that easy. Especially if he also shows many beautiful qualities.
When talking to a male friend about your dilemma, he explained that with more and more women taking power with their sexuality (your best friend) and in the job market (his new colleague), many men now feel that their traditional masculinity is under attack.
There’s a reason why Andrew Tate had 4.6 million followers before he was deleted from Instagram. It’s because MANY men feel threatened by powerful women and yes, it’s completely ridiculous, but we can’t deny that it happens.
Instead of taking the bait when he says things that tickle your fancy, I’d find out where it’s coming from? Challenge him on his thoughts. Ask him if he feels a little insecure because there is a woman in the workplace? Make him look at his words in a new light. He may not react the way you want right away, but I guarantee he will go away and think about it.
If not, start it up. Would you want to raise daughters with a man like that? No.
