I haven’t had sex in two years and I’ve never felt happier, says Chantelle Houghton
Watching the contestants enter the Celebrity Big Brother house last week took me back to 2006.
It’s been 18 years since I joined the show as the “fake celeb”.
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I had no idea my life would change forever thanks to a romance with The Ordinary Boys frontman Preston, who captured the hearts of millions of viewers.
Although our whirlwind love story – which saw us marry within eight months of meeting – would end in divorce the following year, the way we fell for each other was pure and happened in such an organic way.
I feel so privileged to have experienced true love in this way because I’m not sure if this will ever happen again for me.
The dating landscape has completely changed; decency seems to have gone out the window, and honestly, after a series of heartbreaks, cheating partners and disastrous dates, I have now given up on looking for love.
And I haven’t even mentioned the creeps who approach me on social media with sexually inappropriate messages.
Where have all the gentlemen gone?
Chivalry seems dead and I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than settle for someone who makes me miserable.
At the age of forty I have reached a point where I can do just fine on my own.
In fact, I’m happier than ever.
That also means that I have to say goodbye to intimacy, which makes me officially celibate.
I am far from alone.
Numerous studies have shown that young women are giving up or having much less sex, and on TikTok, voluntary or intentional celibacy is a huge trend.
The hashtag #celibacy has been viewed more than 233 million times on TikTok.
It’s Gen Z, those under 27, who are leading the way, rejecting casual sex and hailing its benefits to their mental health and energy.
But the trend is catching on: Celebrities, including actress Drew Barrymore, have also openly discussed celibacy.
It’s been two years now and without sex I feel powerful, independent and free.
I’m not a prude and would never judge anyone else, but for me, intimacy should go hand in hand with a relationship.
If I’m going to sleep with someone, I need to have a real connection with him or her. I’ve never had a one night stand in my life.
I don’t need a man to feel complete, and making the decision to walk away felt like a huge burden on me
Chantelle Houghton
People assume I’m desperate for a partner.
I get asked all the time when I’m going to meet a nice guy, but why can’t I just be satisfied?
It’s like women are seen as losers if they don’t have a boyfriend or husband – that whole ‘ooh, time is ticking’ attitude.
This is of course different for men!
They are allowed to be single, without any expectations or pressure to settle down.
But I don’t need a man to feel complete, and making the decision to walk away felt like a huge burden on me.
I don’t have the energy to play the dating game or the time to wade through the duds.
I also don’t want multiple men coming in and out of my daughter’s life; she’s eleven now and I’m okay with spending all my time with her.
I know there are good men out there, but most of them have already been arrested.
When it came to men, I constantly ignored warning signs and only worried about whether I was good enough for them
Chantelle Houghton
The only ones who seem to understand basic manners are about 90 years old, so maybe I should go to the retirement home!
But seriously, is it too much to expect common courtesy?
I remember going to lunch at a bar with a guy a friend had set me up with.
He didn’t ask me a single question about my life and stared over my shoulder the entire time we were together, with his eyes on the door as if he were planning his escape route!
It’s fine if he didn’t like me (although he did ask for a second date, which I declined), but when you’re having dinner with someone, it doesn’t hurt to be polite, make eye contact, and have a little bit to show interest.
In the years since my marriage to Preston ended, I’ve experienced everything from ghosting to gaslighting, and I can spot a narcissist a mile away.
But it’s the decline in class and attention that has shocked me.
The last straw came for me about a year ago.
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My friends convinced me to join a dating app where I matched with a guy who, on paper, seemed great.
He was attractive, had a good job and seemed friendly and caring.
He asked if he could take me for lunch and booked a place on the Thames, saying he wanted to treat me like a princess.
So far, so good.
I have to admit, when we met, I thought it was a little strange that he was downing the wines in the middle of the day while I was sticking to water.
But he was friendly and talkative – until it came to paying the bill.
When the waitress came over, he just sat there and looked away. I ended up paying for the whole thing.
I never expect a free lunch, but keep in mind that he invited me on the date, picked the restaurant and I only had a small sandwich and tap water, while he put away a full meal and a liter of wine. .
I would have loved to meet the guy for a coffee but instead it cost me £150!
But worse was yet to come.
He then insisted on walking me back to my car, where not only did he take the p*** that I was driving a Mini, but we also discovered that I had received an £80 parking ticket.
He pulled it off my windshield, handed it to me and said, “You had an expensive afternoon, didn’t you?”
He had the cheek to give a kiss, but I turned my head away, got in my car and drove home feeling deflated.
When he messaged me that night saying how much he enjoyed the date, I was angry.
I text him back and tell him I would come away feeling like crap.
He asked if we could see each other again so he could make up for it.
I told him I’d rather just leave it and he wrote back in all caps, “OK, YOUR CHOICE.”
Looking back, that man was a walking red flag from the start with all his great promises.
But a few years ago, I’m sure I would have covered it all up and accepted a second date.
When it came to men, I constantly ignored warning signs and only worried about whether I was good enough for them.
Does my version of the perfect man exist? Maybe he’s out there, maybe he’s not
Chantelle Houghton
Only in the past two years have I learned that I deserve more.
I’m not saying I’m anything special – I know I have my flaws – but I do think I’m worthy of someone who treats me with respect.
I think a lot of the problems with the lack of chivalry stem from social media.
Men can happily message several women at the same time, keeping their options open.
I love not having to think about anyone else. I am not obligated to anyone and that feels liberating.
Of course, sometimes I miss the feeling of having a connection with someone, but that is only temporary: my life is full and I don’t feel lonely.
While I don’t regret doing Big Brother, I sometimes wonder what my life would be like now if I hadn’t gone on the show.
Before the series started, I was with a man who I probably would have married and had children with.
He was always so kind to me.
As for Preston, we are still good friends and I love having him in my life.
We were just too young when we got married.
No matter what happens, I am incredibly grateful and I have the most amazing memories.
Does my version of the perfect man exist? Maybe he’s out there, maybe he’s not.
But I don’t look for him anymore and for the first time in many years that has brought me peace.
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