I used to be sex crazed with my hubby, but now I’d rather do a crossword than be in bed with him

HAS the fire of passion in your relationship gone out to barely smoldering – because you simply don’t want your significant other anymore?

Well, you’re not alone.

5

5

5

Today a 46-year-old woman tells how after 15 years and two children with her 43-year-old husband Cornel, sex is only a memory – even though the love lives on.

The other day I was having coffee with a friend and said something I couldn’t believe came from my lips: “My husband likes me, but I don’t like him.”

It may sound cocky, but it’s true.

When I first met Cornel in 2005, I immediately wanted to take the pants off him. It was complete, total, sexual and physical attraction.

It helped that he was intelligent, trilingual and interesting.

But in reality it was his somber eyes, his Roman nose and his slim yet muscular physique.

Once we got together it was sex, sex, sex. I was sex-crazed, it was all-consuming.

I was jealous too. If he talked to other girls I would go crazy.

Fast forward to today. I no longer long for him, I find myself looking up to him and I don’t pull him into bed in the middle of the day.

Now when it’s 9 p.m., I rush to do my beauty routine and a crossword in peace.

I wear baggy pajamas, pull my hair back and wear a face mask. I don’t care anymore if he likes me or not.

And I never thought I would say this.

It is a fact that men are more attractive when they are younger.

It’s a myth that men become more imaginative as they get older, unless they’re George Clooney!

When I first met Cornel, he was oozing testosterone.

He was fast moving, full of energy, cocky, and dare I say it, a little arrogant? It was attractive.

Now he enjoys looking at the coins he has collected.

Where the tight stomach once was, there is now a small belly and his hair is also a bit worn out.

It’s not just a physical thing. Everyone gets older.

But I think women try harder. I swim five days a week, get my hair dyed, always do my makeup, get my nails done, and generally haven’t stopped my “maintenance” since the day he met me.

Men don’t reach the same height.

Friends tell me the same thing. All their hubbies now have bellies and have ‘old man’ interests like collecting things or cars.

None of them are the fast, exciting young bucks they once were.

Airport quickie

I’ve also gotten older. I’m no longer the nymph I once was. Far from it.

Yet I know he still likes me because he’s constantly grabbing my ass or watching me. I am grateful.

5

5

But when he pats my butt, I frown or brush his hand away.

What would have been a prelude to crazy sex 15 years ago now annoys me beyond belief.

I know I sound ungrateful. But the fact is that I love him more than ever and much, much more than when it was all about sex and attraction.

We laugh so much together, we have the same ideas about life and even finish each other’s sentences.

He does nice little things for me, like topping up my car’s oil or buying flowers for no reason. But my heart doesn’t flutter like it used to.

But sometimes, like a rare miracle, out of nowhere I start wanting him again. It usually happens at very strange, inappropriate times.

Like the time he took all our luggage out of our car and somehow transported three suitcases and two bags for our family through the airport.

The masculinity and competence unleashed something in me that I thought was long gone.

But you can hardly have a quickie in the airport bathroom when you have two kids with you and are running to your plane.

But at 10 p.m., when he might be in the mood, I put my earbuds in and hope my fake “sleep breathing” makes him think I’m asleep.

When I first met Cornel, he was oozing testosterone. He was full of energy, stubborn and arrogant. It was attractive. Now he enjoys looking at his coin collection

Julie Cook

I am not alone. Friends tell me they feel the same way. The rule of having sex at least once a day is long gone.

A friend told me she hasn’t had sex with her husband in eight months.

“The thought repulses me!” she said. To be honest, it’s not my husband who turns me off.

It’s the thought of having fun, doing your legs, showering and making sure you look attractive. I’d much rather put on my pajamas and read.

In a recent survey of 12,000 people by the University of Glasgow, 34 percent of women said they didn’t want sex, while only 15 percent of men felt the same way.

And interestingly enough, most of the people in the low-interest category were—you guessed it—married.

So I don’t feel like I’m strange or unusual. It means that there must be thousands of married women like me who don’t like their husbands anymore.

But what we lost in the pleasure department, I really feel we made up for in the contentment and peace department.

We used to have heated jealous arguments. Now we sit happily next to each other, with a cup of tea in hand, and watch our favorite television. I can’t remember the last time we had an argument.

I just don’t have that passion anymore. Who can do that after 20 years together?

And we laugh too, and the same sense of humor.

Sometimes in a situation that we both find funny, all we have to do is exchange glances and we burst out laughing, both knowing what the other is thinking.

It is a fact that men are younger when they are more attractive. It’s a myth that men become more imaginative as they get older, unless they’re George Clooney!

Julie Cook

We didn’t have that connection when we were obsessed with sex.

Then there’s the fact that you just talk more. About everything. Life, the universe, family, beliefs.

We never had time when we were hammer and tongs.

So do I regret or feel sad that we’ve lost the passionate side of our relationship?

No. I would no longer have that all-consuming passion for all the money in the world. It’s exhausting, fiery and no one can live like this forever.

You only have to look at the crazy relationships of sex-crazed Love Islanders to see how quickly they burn out.

Passion and fantasy are actually a fleeting part of the relationship.

The rest is company and just getting along.

Yes, I no longer feel the flames of passion for him, but it has been replaced by a deeper, more caring love – a love that will last.