Etiquette expert weighs in on whether it is EVER acceptable to ask someone to do something for free at your wedding
Love is patient, love is kind – but if you expect people to do anything for free on your big day, you’ve gone crazy.
A woman recently sparked outrage after contacting an old high school classmate — whom she also bullied — asking to perform for free at her upcoming wedding.
According to etiquette expert Myka Meier, it’s never appropriate to request free products and services before a big event, but there are ways to broach the idea.
Myka, etiquette instructor at the New York Plaza Hotel and founder of Beaumont etiquettetold DailyMail.com that if someone wants to gift you a product or service for your big day, he or she will volunteer their time or resources – just don’t ask them.
According to etiquette expert Myka Meier, it’s never appropriate to request free products and services before a big event, but there are ways to navigate the idea
“It is not appropriate to ask friends or acquaintances for free services or products for your wedding for many reasons,” she warned.
“If someone really wants to donate their service or time, they will usually volunteer it.”
Myka says it’s proper etiquette to let them come to you, but there is a way to approach the subject gently.
“Rather than asking directly, share your plans and excitement about the wedding.” If anyone wants to offer their help, they probably will,” she advised.
It’s important to keep in mind that, unsurprisingly, the people you ask will most likely expect compensation for their services.
If not, Myka recommends still recognizing their contribution.
“Even if it’s a small gesture or a sincere thank you,” she said. “This shows gratitude and respect for their time and effort.”
Myka added that people who own their own businesses are often taken advantage of.
Myka, the etiquette instructor at the New York Plaza Hotel and the founder of Beaumont Etiquette, told DailyMail.com that if someone wants to gift you a product or service for your big day, they will donate their time or resources – ask it’s not them (stock image)
‘[People often ask for] products or services because they think it’s just ‘free’ for the business owner,” she explained.
Another factor to consider, Myka explains, is the hidden costs that people don’t always consider when asking for freebies.
“Whether it’s a cookie or cake company, singer, violinist, event planner or anything else, whether it’s a product or service they provide, there are a lot of invisible costs to the owner,” she pointed out.
“The cost of the products or the time they spend at your event when they could be making money elsewhere are common reasons why people who own their own businesses may not want to ‘gift’ you something from their business.”
Myka added that it’s also essential to remember that the friends you ask are likely professionals — and asking for their services for free can devalue their work and expertise.
“It’s respectful to acknowledge their skills and at least offer to pay,” she recommended.
“If they then wanted to offer you a discount or give you a free ‘gift,’ that would be their generous decision,” she continued.
She also warned that asking for an excessive handout can strain the relationships you have with the people you ask.
“Friends and acquaintances may feel obliged to say yes, even if they feel uncomfortable or unable to offer the service for free,” she warned.
‘This can cause tension and put a strain on your relationship.’
It’s not just the bride and groom who have to adhere to certain rules.
Last year, Myka spoke to DailyMail.com and shared the do’s and don’ts for wedding guests.
She recommended not wearing an outfit that distracts the bride, asking before posting photos on social media that the bride and groom haven’t done so, and spending between $50 and $100 on a wedding gift.
