I used to stumble home in the early hours, now I'm a sober middle-aged man in Lycra

It's 8:30 p.m. and Jo Ciriani sits down in front of the television after work with a glass of wine, cooks dinner and puts her six-year-old to bed.

While for many couples this is the ideal time to catch up, cuddle or even have a bit of frolic, Jo's other half Graham Todd is already by her side ready to count.

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He doesn't wake up until 4:30 a.m. and then jumps out of bed for an ice bath, training, and preparing his nutritious but predictable meals of chicken and rice for the day.

Graham, who goes by his surname Todd, is one of a growing number of men in their 40s and 50s who have swapped binge drinking and kebabs for sobriety and fitness.

It was about a decade ago when MAMILs – middle-aged men in Lycra – entered the fitness scene.

But these days, more and more fitness-obsessed men are giving up booze.

Famous SMAMILs – sober middle-aged men in Lycra – include Peter Andre, Mark Wahlberg, Robbie Williams and Matt Willis.

'Sleeping in the café's parking lot'

Around 200,000 Brits took part in Dry January this year.

A growing number of men are “99 percent sober” and abstain from the occasional drink on very special occasions.

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And one in five people in England describe themselves as a non-drinker.

For those who were addicted to alcohol, or at least binge drinking, like Todd, fitness is a way to fill that void.

There are many health benefits, of course, and partners like Jo are reaping the rewards in many ways: she admits that Todd is now a better father to daughter Bobbi, six.

But when it comes to their social lives and the way they spend time together, things have certainly changed for the once fun-loving party animals.

Jo, 44, says: “Todd has been a much better partner and father since he stopped drinking and he looks fantastic.

“But his desire to party and see friends has disappeared and I find that difficult.

“Because Todd now wakes up at 4:30 a.m., he often passes out on the couch at 8 p.m. Watching a Netflix series takes a long time.

'Besides, I'm a night owl. So I often just do my own thing in the evenings.

“I don't mind a bit of 'me time' and the chance to control the remote, but it can be a bit lonely.

“Cooking delicious food together is something I miss. In the past we might have cooked a delicious steak with a nice bottle of red wine, although Todd probably would have drank most of it.

“He's so focused on his healthy diet these days that his meals can be a bit boring for me.

“I end up cooking something else and eating alone.”

If you're parents, spending the day in bed after a bow isn't feasible – or fair to your child and partner

Jo Ciriani

Todd, 45, and Jo run an online marketing business in Warwick, and it was a messy night out in September 2021 that convinced Todd to get sober.

Jo says: “Todd is an outgoing, big character and always loved a drink.

“When we met, he was working for a wine merchant and it was his passion.

'But he got carried away and did stupid things after a few drinks. He could become very clumsy and clumsy.

'He would spill red wine or fall over and break things.

“Although I am social and also enjoy a drink, I can happily stop after a few times.

“It could lead to arguments and once I even went to sleep with my parents, although he ended up following me.

“My Italian heritage is that from a young age you can drink a glass of watered-down wine with dinner and that binge eating is not the norm.”

Jo adds: “Before we had our daughter, Bobbi, it was less of an issue because Todd could sleep it off the next day.

'But if you're a parent, spending the day in bed after a bow isn't feasible – or fair to your child and partner.

“Todd drank about 20 pints and two bottles of wine a week.

'When we had a roast on Sundays he would drink a bottle of red wine and fall asleep.

“Due to his drinking, he was often hungover and grumpy at the weekend, which led to arguments. He was four stone overweight and probably pre-diabetic.

“I was worried about him, but my pleas fell on deaf ears.”

But Todd woke up after the duo held a business networking event at a pub in Warwick.

Jo says: “It was going really well and Todd was in the room working, but then he started doing shots of Sambuca after he started drinking around midday.

“I went home before him and he never followed.

“I ended up calling the pub and it turned out he had blacked out and fell asleep on the floor in the car park at around 10.30pm.

“I had to go back to save him and it took three people to lift him into the car.

“There was video footage of him drunk from that night and when he saw it he was shocked. Someone had recorded it on his phone.

“He was taking shots and making drunken faces. It may have seemed funny to other people, but it wasn't to us.

'Hot new daddy body'

“It's one thing to act foolish when you're young, but it's not appropriate when you get older and have to be professional.”

This public humiliation was the catalyst for Todd, who was 43 at the time, to quit drinking completely.

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Jo says: “He was like a different person – replacing alcohol with exercise.

He started getting up at 5 a.m. to exercise, taking ice baths and cooking healthy meals of rice and chicken.

“He was more energetic and more present for me and our daughter. He came back from his gym in time to have breakfast with us and take her to school.

“It was a nice change, but I definitely doubted he could keep it up.”

However, he did, and his fourth excess weight disappeared.

Jo added: “He looked so much slimmer and fitter. He had to buy new clothes. Gone was the beer belly and he had a hot new dad body, which I found very attractive.

“Plus, he had a lot more energy. It meant we became close both physically and emotionally.”

Even though their body clocks were out of sync, because Jo stayed up late and Todd woke up early, she felt more attracted to him.

But she says: “It wasn't the looks that sparked my newfound attraction, it was the improvements in our lives.

“He shared more of the mental load and did more at home, which meant I didn't have to worry about my 'to do' list.

“That made me feel less resentment and more affection.”

This became the new normal and Todd has now been sober for over two years. But there are times when Jo misses her drinking partner.

But despite our different sleep times, we managed to make time for sex

Jo Ciriani

She says: “Unlike Todd, I didn't give up alcohol – I didn't have to. I've never had much to drink, but I do like a gin and tonic or two to relax.

“Still, I found it strange to drink alone, whether we were just hanging out at home on a Friday night or going out to eat. It made me feel guilty.

'Sometimes I wish we could have a drink together because then I can have a few drinks and feel more relaxed, but he just can't do that.

“Socializing together also brings challenges. We are both extroverts and love being around others. But he now finds it very difficult to relax around drunk people.

“The other change was his sleeping pattern. But despite our different sleep times, we managed to make time for sex.

“Where there's a will, there's a way – and I like to go to bed early with him, especially because he's worked so much on himself that he's more attractive to look at and doesn't have stale beer breath.”

In fact, Jo thinks the pros of the new Todd outweigh the cons.

She says: “He used to hang up all weekend and we would argue. Mondays at work were a write-off because he had too much on weekends.

“He now does more around the house and has enough energy to take care of our daughter.

“It was an adjustment for both of us, but I wouldn't want to go back.

“I would rather have a sober, fit and committed partner who goes to bed a little early than a smelly, drunk, hungover one.”

SLOW AND STABLE WINS THE RACE

RELATIONSHIP expert Georgina Sturmer says:

“Our partner offers us a sense of security, an anchor in an ever-changing world.

When they change, it can feel like the status quo of the relationship is shifting.

We may feel like we have less in common, especially if a shared habit is something we would do together – if we were each other's “partner in crime.”

This shift may surprise us. We may also feel judged, consciously or unconsciously, and under pressure to follow suit.

Communication is key, so talk about it, but avoid the blame game.

Understand that we cannot change other people – and we should not try to.

When we embrace a change in behavior, it's natural to feel evangelical about it. But remember, we all have to make our own decisions. Strengthen your common ground.

If either of you quitting alcohol is having a big impact on your social life or free time, work together to find other ways to have fun together.

Finally, think about the pace of change. If you are quickly learning new habits, it can be useful to put on the brakes.”