Family of Vietnam vet, 85, who came out as gay in tear-jerking obituary reveal upsetting reason why his final years did not need to be so lonely

The family of a Vietnam veteran who came out as gay in his tearful obituary have revealed they were aware of his sexuality.

Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan died of colon cancer at the age of 85 at his home in Albany, New York, after living most of his life in nearby Rensselaer, where he served as a firefighter.

In a final message to his loved ones and the world, published in the Albany Times UnionRyan said he had quietly lived his entire life as a gay man.

‘I have to tell you one more thing. “I have been gay my entire life: through grade school, through high school, through college, through life,” the veteran wrote.

His cousin Joseph Ryan, 68, said The New York PosThe decorated veteran was a “private person” but added that his family knew about Ryan’s sexuality and had even met his long-time partner Paul.

Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan kept a heartbreaking secret his entire life, only revealing it to his friends and family in his obituary

‘They were going on holiday. As soon as he retired, he would take a month off, and they would just write down where they wanted to go, anywhere in the world,” Joseph Ryan said.

“So we knew, but he wasn’t one to just say something… Our family isn’t one to try to say anything about people.”

Joseph added, “He was quiet, but he was bold. It’s been in him all along.’

Ryan opened up about his 25-year relationship with the love of his life, another man named Paul.

In his obituary, Ryan confessed: “I had a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush,” Ryan admitted.

‘He was the love of my life. We had 25 wonderful years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical procedure gone wrong. I will be buried next to Paul.’

The former soldier explained that he had never dared to reveal his secret for fear of being ostracized by those he knew and loved.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to come out as gay. I was afraid of being left out: by family, friends and colleagues,” he recalls.

‘When I saw how people like me were treated, I just couldn’t do it. Now that my secret is out, I will rest in peace forever.”

“I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro from North Greenbush,” Ryan, pictured in the photo, admitted. ‘He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together.”

Joseph said the veteran feared he would be court-martialled for being openly gay, as same-sex relationships were grounds for discharge from the military for most of his military career.

Ryan served in the Army’s 10th Brigade and received several military awards, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal “for participation in the response to the attack on America, September 11, 2001,” according to his obituary.

One of many talents, he was also one of the founders and owners of local radio station WGY-FM in Albany.

Ryan died at the age of 85 at his home in Albany, New York (photo)

He was also a chef at the East Greenbush, American Legion Post, and a lifelong member of the Vietnam Veterans of America.

Ryan is survived by his fourteen nieces and nephews, who affectionately called him “Uncle Ed.”

His obituary has gone viral and people across the country have been touched by Ryan’s story.

One commenter on his obituary said, “Edward sounds like he was an extraordinary man. Thank you for your service, not only to the country but also to your neighbors.

‘You were a real hero. “I’m heartbroken that you had to live your life in silence, but I’m so happy to hear about your life with Paul.”

A friend of Ryan shared the above photo on his obituary

Ryan served in the Army’s 10th Brigade and received several military awards

Another person said, “As someone who didn’t come out until I was 40, this obituary really affected me deeply.

‘I hope Edward and Paul are now reunited, in love for eternity. No one should have to spend a lifetime hiding who they are and who they love.”

A third said: ‘A brave man became braver. God bless Uncle Ed.”

A commenter named Chrissy Wills claimed to have met Ryan and his partner.

Wills wrote: ‘I met Tom when I married his partner Paul’s cousin. We enjoyed several holidays together, dinners, picnics.

‘He was a true gentleman, and it was a shame that he felt he had to hide his homosexuality. He and Paul had a lot of fun together. May he finally be at peace.”