A friendly reminder: AI work is not yours

Gray areas

I run a small software company in a niche industry. Our head of product and I both shared a boss earlier in our careers. I considered him a mentor and friend, but she decided not to. Years after we all worked together, she mentioned that they had an intimate relationship that did not end amicably. They were both single and consenting adults, but she was younger and younger than him. She views the relationship as exploitative and unethical. She never told superiors at the time, but is frustrated that he avoided responsibility.

Now our company has reason to explore a partnership with our former boss’s new company. I have every reason to side with my employee: our old boss’s behavior was inappropriate. But if I’m honest, I still consider him a good person and a valuable partner. What is my obligation to my head of product? What is my obligation to my company? Should I refrain from exploring this new business relationship out of loyalty to her? Should I encourage her to find closure? If I believe a procedure is in the best interest of the company, how should I approach my relationship with our head of product?

– Anonymously

What is more important: developing a new business relationship with your former boss or maintaining a good relationship with your head of product? You have an obligation not to put her in an uncomfortable situation and, quite frankly, not to put junior staff members in a situation where they could be exploited by a known exploiter. You should refrain from exploring this new business relationship, not only out of loyalty, but also as an act of care for every woman in your organization. To be clear, your former boss did not commit a crime. People have relationships in the workplace all the time. But if there is a balance of power in that relationship, that is a problem. Many would argue that what happened between your former boss and your head of product was a personal situation that should not impact your current professional decisions. But pursuing a romantic relationship with a subordinate is predatory and unethical. You don’t want to do business with someone you know is and/or was predatory and unethical. It’s that simple, and I think you already know it.

Manage my manager

In recent years, my manager has normalized the dynamic between colleagues and friends. Colleagues have confided in him that he falls short on projects, leaving others to do his work. Unfortunately, I started to experience this when I worked closely with him on an intense project. He is not the most organized or focused person and tends to lean on me and others (usually women). He is a supportive, well-meaning and empathetic person, but he has also made a habit of dumping his own emotional work/personal baggage on me, some of which crosses boundaries. All this puts me in a difficult position, both as a direct reporter and as his ‘friend’. I’ve lost some trust in him, and I’m being taken advantage of.

I reach a point where his struggle to perform effectively is directly impacting and possibly even hindering my own potential growth and opportunities for advancement. If I open up to my manager’s boss, it will likely negatively impact his future here because of their contentious relationship. Am I enabling my manager’s mediocrity at work by being overly concerned about our interpersonal dynamics, instead of taking steps to hold him accountable?

– Anonymously

When the boundaries between professional and personal become so blurred, it can be incredibly uncomfortable. And as a subordinate in this circumstance, you are at a serious disadvantage. Your manager has all the power and you are doing emotional labor and having to compensate for his professional shortcomings, while his problems are jeopardizing your reputation. Yes, you and many others enable your manager’s mediocrity. There is no easy way forward, but have you discussed some of these concerns with him? I would start there and express that it is too difficult to balance your professional and personal relationships and therefore you prefer to remain friendly but professional. If talking to him doesn’t help, it may be time to take the professional issues with your direct manager to your manager’s boss.