A problem shared by mother of four and GP Clare Bailey: how do I get my daughter back to school?

Ask

My nine-year-old daughter has been trying to avoid school for the past month. She complains of stomach ache and has stayed home several times.

Our doctor thought she was doing well and wondered if she was worried about anything. She is a sensitive child and does worry about things. Some days I let her stay home to recover because school seems quite stressful for her. But other times I get angry and challenge her or bribe her to go inside.

So far I have told school that she is unwell. But she is becoming more and more resistant and I have to work from home. She won’t say what the problem is. I guess it has to do with her friendship group excluding her. She doesn’t want a teacher involved. I’m not sure what to do!

“My nine-year-old daughter has been trying to avoid school for the past month,” the woman said. ‘She complains of stomach ache and has stayed home a few times’ (stock image)

Answer

It must be stressful having to drag your daughter to school. It seems to me like she is suffering from what we used to call “school avoidance” which meant children were disobedient, when in reality she is probably suffering from anxiety.

I also know what it’s like to go to school and feel like you don’t belong. Growing up, my parents moved a lot, so I ended up going to nine different schools, and while most of them were fine, I was particularly unhappy in one of them. Sometimes I would claim that I had a stomach ache if I had to stay home or spend the morning with the dinner ladies.

School anxiety is no small matter. Her fear can trigger the fight, flight, and freeze response. If your child gets really anxious, the body can release a flood of stress hormones, which can cause the child to shake, feel nauseous, or freeze; it can also change her thinking (have you noticed her becoming more self-critical and saying things like “I’m hopeless” or “I don’t fit in”?). This can lead to behavioral changes, such as hiding or staying at home.

So it’s important to gently try to figure out why she finds it so difficult to go to school. Maybe she doesn’t know it herself, or she finds it difficult to explain. Be calm and curious and avoid hasty conclusions. Maybe she has a fight with her friends; is the playground too noisy; Is this separation anxiety, fear of failure or perhaps she is being bullied?

Give her space, be sympathetic and help her understand that it is the fear that is making it difficult for her to go to school.

Dr. Clare says: ‘It must be stressful having to drag your daughter to school. It sounds to me like she’s suffering from what we used to call ‘school avoidance’, which meant children were disobedient, when in reality she’s probably suffering from anxiety’ (stock image)

The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to get back into the classroom. The school needs to get involved to help her too. This could involve dealing with bullying, making changes in the classroom, or graduate return, so it’s not overwhelming.

It can help to join clubs and find different friendship groups, or have a buddy at school. It takes time and with your encouragement and support, including counselors or other professionals if necessary, your daughter will likely be back in school.

• For more help visit my site: parentingmatters.co.uk

Before you start your next takeout meal, in addition to becoming overweight, depressed and anxious, you should also know that eating a lot of ultra-processed foods (high in fat, salt, sugar and artificial additives) can also affect how smart you are. are. Are. Researchers from Macquarie University in Australia randomly assigned 110 healthy adults to continue eating normally or eat junk food for a week. The latter group not only did worse on tests of learning and memory, but also reported craving more junk food even when they already felt full.

No time to exercise? Try ‘snacking’

Who wants to go for a run or a long walk when it’s so cold and dark? Fortunately, researchers at University College London say that doesn’t have to be the case. Try “snacking” instead.

However, they don’t mean scoffing at chocolate. Instead, they recommend “sports snacks,” or small bursts of activity throughout the day. Data from 15,000 people wearing tracking devices showed that short and simple exercises, such as a five-minute walk, can make your heart healthier.