New Year’s resolutions for the anxious
The start of the new year often brings lofty ambitions.
It’s 2024: time to exercise and eat bettersay a nagging voice, somewhere deep in your brain. What about learning to knit?
It’s enough to make anyone anxious.
For those already struggling with anxiety, these heightened expectations can be even more troubling. Especially since research shows that many of us don’t keep our New Year’s resolutions.
That’s why we asked several psychologists for solutions specifically tailored to people with anxious tendencies. And we’ve broken them down into bite-sized steps so you can achieve success along the way.
But don’t feel pressure to tackle these tips just because it’s January.
“It’s okay to take stock of your life at any time and say, ‘Hey, what else can I do?’” says Regine Galanti, a psychologist and author in Cedarhurst, N.Y., who specializes in the treatment of people with anxiety disorders. “It’s about changing our lives so that they look the way we want them to.”
1. Make the decision to face one of your fears.
Research suggests that directly confronting the things that make us anxious can help break a pattern of fear and avoidance.
You can do this with a therapist – a process that doctors call exposure therapy – or you can do it yourself.
Start by asking yourself, “How is my anxiety holding me back from the life I want?” or “What would my life be like if I were calmer?” said dr. Galanti.
For example, you might answer, “I would travel more often if I were less worried,” or “I would speak up more often if I wasn’t so afraid.”
Then, instead of waiting until you feel more relaxed, map out the steps you can take now to achieve your goal.
Dr. Galanti suggested breaking down your fear into several smaller components that are easier to face, and creating an action plan to help you stay accountable and track your progress.
For example, if you’re afraid of public speaking, you can start writing down notes for a toast. Then practice it out loud. Then try saying it in front of two friends.
You can work on speaking in front of a small group. “It’s like climbing a ladder,” said Dr. Galanti. “I can’t jump to the top.”
Some people may need to do each step several times before moving on to the next, she added.
Gradually, each new task will start to feel easier. If you get stuck, “try to avoid things,” said Dr. Galanti. Instead, break that step into smaller steps.
2. Make the decision to focus on your values instead of your fears.
It may sound counterintuitive, but telling yourself to be less anxious is “a signal to your brain to focus more on anxiety,” said Dr. Galanti.
Having some fear is part of being human – so trying to eliminate the feeling completely is fruitless. “It’s more like, ‘If I feel anxious, what next?'” she added.
So instead of focusing on your feelings of anxiety, think about the personal qualities you value. Total rest probably won’t cut it.
“Does anyone really want their gravestone to say, ‘He was calm’?” said David Tolin, director of the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Institute of Living in Hartford, Conn.
How do you want to be remembered? As a caring husband? A loyal friend? A hard worker? After you identify the characteristics you value, he said, do something meaningful to embody them.
For example, if being generous is important, consider volunteering in your community, even if you like to step outside your comfort zone.
3. Decide to seek a different perspective.
Imagine a man having an argument with his wife. He begins to worry that she no longer loves him and becomes convinced that she secretly wants a divorce.
Catastrophizing – being consumed by the fear that a situation poses more risk than it actually does – has been linked to anxiety disorders.
Angela Neal-Barnett, professor of psychological sciences at Kent State University, suggested thinking about what you were worried about last year. It is likely that the worst-case scenario did not occur. Maybe the amount of worry you put into a particular problem wasn’t worth it. Or maybe you surprised yourself by successfully navigating a difficult situation. What was the most important thing you learned?
Write down your observations so that you can refer to them when excessive worry or anxiety resurfaces.
Another strategy is to approach a trusted and less anxious friend and ask what he or she would do.
4. Make the decision to take care of yourself.
This doesn’t necessarily mean luxuries like massages or a personal trainer, the experts said, but the basics: Are you getting enough sleep? Do you eat nutritious food? Are you moving?
Dr. Neal-Barnett recommends filling in the blank: “When I’m anxious or scared, my favorite self-care routine is…” The list can include relaxing things like calling a friend, breathing deeply, or taking a walk outside and get some fresh air.
“Stretched people find it very difficult to rest,” said Dr. Neal-Barnett, but it is “one of the best things you can do.”