9 Ways to Improve Your Relationships in 2024

Small pieces of advice can sometimes lead to big changes in relationships. My colleagues and I at the Well desk are fortunate to regularly interview psychotherapists, relationship therapists, sex therapists, and researchers who share their most useful tactics for strengthening connections.

Here are some of the best tips we discussed in 2023 that can help you improve your connections with friends, family, and romantic partners in the coming year.

1. Give people permission to change.

It can be challenging to recognize that people you have known for years, such as siblings, have evolved and may be very different than they once were. But doing so can help you maintain a real bond over time. Consider occasionally asking questions that delve into who your loved one has become. Whitney Goodman, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Miami, recommends prompts like, “What are you loving right now?” or “What is going on in your life that I don’t know about?”

2. Answer when the phone rings.

Loneliness is a public health crisis that affects more than half of Americans, but Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy believes some strategies for finding and maintaining connection are surprisingly simple. For example, if someone calls you, pick up the phone, he says, even if it’s just to say “hello” and find another time to catch up a little longer. “Those 10 seconds feel so much better than texting back and forth,” said Dr. Murthy.

3. Beware of ‘phubbing’.

Glancing at your phone when someone is talking to you, or reaching for it when the conversation stalls, can lead to feelings of hurt and frustration. Recent research suggests that the practice – a combination of ‘telephone’ and ‘snubbing’ – can be particularly damaging to romantic partnerships. Experts say simple adjustments such as limiting digital alerts and setting clear ground rules with your partner about phone use can help.

“I know this doesn’t sound sexy, and people don’t want to do this in their relationships, but it’s really strategy No. 1,” says Katherine Hertlein, professor in the couples and family therapy program at the Kirk Kerkorian School of Medicine at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

4. Be open to different types of desires.

Sex therapists and researchers tend to believe that there are two types of desires: spontaneous (the feeling of wanting sex out of the blue) and responsive (that arises in response to stimuli). Although many people tend to think that spontaneous desire is somehow better, responsive desire is also valid, experts say. And learning to embrace it can be critical to maintaining intimacy in long-term relationships, or in relationships where one person wants sex more than the other.

Lori Brotto, a psychologist and author of “Better Sex Through Mindfulness,” said she often helps clients understand that it is possible to have sex without spontaneous desire, as long as there is willingness and consent.

5. Avoid generalizations when arguing.

Expressions like “you always…” or “you never…” are exaggerated and make others defensive. “You’re not even having a problem-solving conversation anymore,” says Kier Gaines, a licensed therapist in Washington, DC. “You just go into a straight argument.” Instead, try to focus only on the problem.

6. Never underestimate the power of a compliment.

People may shy away from offering them because they fear they will seem awkward or insincere. But compliments are usually much more welcome than we expect, says Erica Boothby, a social psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.

When you compliment a stranger, keep it short and sincere. When you compliment a friend or loved one, be specific. For example, don’t just say what you like about someone, but also indicate how that person makes you feel.

7. When dealing with difficult family members, focus on what you can control.

As much as you might want to, you can’t change your family members, says Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed clinical social worker and author of “Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships.” She recommends asking yourself: If this person hasn’t changed anything about themselves or their behavior, what could I do to make the relationship different?

8. Don’t let introversion get in the way of deep connection.

“Introverts are wrongly mistaken for antisocial,” says Susan Cain, author of “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.” “Actually, they are socially different.” Introverts tend to be more introverted or introverted, but they still desire friendship and connection as much as anyone.

So introverts: trust your natural preferences and inclinations, experts advise. Find comfortable people in comfortable places and embrace the power of initiating plans, which gives you control over who you interact with and where.

9. When someone you love is angry, ask one simple question.

When young students are angry, teachers will sometimes ask, “Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?” That question can also provide adults with a sense of comfort and control, experts say. That’s because different emotions require different responses, said Dr. Elizabeth Easton, director of psychotherapy at Pathlight Mood and Anxiety Center in Denver. Reassurance can be helpful for anxiety, but can infuriate someone who is frustrated, she said. At its core, this simple question is about identifying: How can I meet your needs?