Lawyer (48), whose girlfriend is about to turn 104, says it is 'very personal' to ask whether the couple has sex

A 48-year-old man who has been in a relationship with a 103-year-old woman for more than a decade has skirted the question of whether they are sexually intimate.

Estonian lawyer Mart Soeson is seeking to remain in Australia on the grounds that Elfriedie Riit is his legitimate de facto partner after his visa application for permanent residency was rejected.

Ms Riit is the widow of Mr Soeson's grandfather and the couple lived at her home in Bankstown in Sydney's south-west until she moved to a nursing home in 2022.

Daily Mail Australia told the couple's love story on Friday and their 55-year age difference raised questions among many readers about the way they expressed their passion for each other.

When asked whether he and Ms Riit have had a sexual relationship now or in the past, Mr Soeson replied: 'It is a very personal question, and I have never thought of peeking into the deepest corners of other people's lives. .'

Mr Soeson then cited research from the United States which he said showed that 15 per cent of married couples did not have sexual relations – or, in his words, 'very rarely do'.

“That's why I think the more personal aspects of our lives are not as interesting to people as you might think,” Mr Soeson said.

'The nuances of living together between people are much more versatile. By keeping these nuances to yourself, being together is much more versatile than presenting them publicly.

“Spiritual and emotional connections are often much stronger than any other type of feelings.”

Mr Soeson was not formally told why his visa was refused, but believed the Home Office was suspicious of the legitimacy of his association with Ms Riit.

He has now taken his case to the Administrative Court of Appeal, where he attended on Wednesday with Ms Riit to have their romance investigated.

That hearing did not take place at the tribunal's Sydney office because Ms Riit, who turns 104 later this month, was too distressed to participate in the proceedings.

Mr Soeson addressed the age difference between him and Ms Riit in a statutory declaration that is part of his appeal.

“I understand it's a cliché to bring this up, but people always question motive when they see a couple with a significant age difference,” he wrote.

“And more often than not, the older man has entered into a relationship with a woman who may be decades younger than him.”

Mr Soeson wrote that 'people wonder whether the woman is essentially after the quality of life and the wealth her partner has amassed over the years.'

Alternatively, they wondered 'whether there is any intimacy between them and this gives everyone the wrong impression about their circumstances'.

“While I appreciate the fact that some individuals may enter into relationships for the wrong reasons… it is important to emphasize that, given our history and our circumstances, there is nothing to support a concern of that nature.”

Mr Soeson explained that he and Ms Riit met in early 1996 when he came to Australia to study advanced English and she invited him to stay with her.

Ms Riit knew Mr Soeson as her late husband Alfred's grandson – she had been Alfred's second wife – and invited him to stay at her home in Bankstown in Sydney's south-west.

It wasn't love at first sight and “nothing happened overnight,” Mr Soeson said, but the pair quickly became friends and that bond continued to grow.

Mr Soeson returned to Estonia but came back to Australia on holiday in 2000 and 2007 to visit Ms Riit, whom he “cared deeply” and “missed immensely” by then.

“When I returned from my trip to Austria in 2007, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something in my life and that something was Elfriede,” he wrote in his statement.

Mr Soeson took annual leave to make further trips to Sydney in 2008/09, 2009/10, 2010/11, 2011/12 and 2012/13 for the sole purpose of seeing Ms Riit.

During that last visit, the couple realized that their feelings for each other had deepened and went beyond friendship.

“After spending the past five holidays together, the relationship between Elfriede and I had become extremely close,” Mr Soeson's statement said. 'Elfriede was completely in love with me and I felt the same about her.'

Mr Soeson assumes that his romantic relationship with Ms Riit started in January 2013, when she was 92 and he was 37.

The next step for Mr Soeson was to quit his legal career in Estonia and move to Australia to live with Ms Riit in Bankstown, which he did in September 2018.

By the time the couple moved in together, Mrs. Riit was 98 years old and still “extremely active,” according to Mr. Soeson, who was 43. They lived together until Ms Riit moved to an aged care facility in September 2022.

“This was a hesitant decision for both of us, but necessary because of her health and the recommendations of her health care professionals,” Mr. Soeson said in his statement.

Mr Soeson first applied for a permanent residence permit in March 2016, was granted a temporary visa in July 2017, but his permanent (partner) visa was refused just before Christmas in 2018.

He hoped the tribunal would accept he had a “genuine de facto relationship” with Ms Riit and allow him to remain in Australia.

“Elfriede and I have been in an exclusive, long-term romantic relationship since January 2013,” he wrote in his statement.

'I moved to Australia and sacrificed many years for the good of Elfriede and for our sincere commitment. She considers me her husband, even though we were never formally and civilly married.”

Mrs Riit, who has no children, has an old-age pension and the couple combines these payments with Mr Soeson's wages, earned as a part-time painter, to cover their living costs.

“I have spent many years of my adult life as a single man,” Riit said in his statement.

'I was reluctant to simply get into a relationship for the wrong reasons or with the wrong person.

'And yes, I never anticipated that the woman I would eventually call my partner would be Elfriede.

'What started as a healthy bond I had with my late grandfather's widow slowly but surely grew into a very meaningful and loving relationship.

“Every urge I tried to fight about our future meant nothing when I really thought about how happy she made me.”

Mr Soeson said he would be devastated if he were forced to return to Estonia as Ms Riit's deteriorating health meant she could not join him.

“It is my duty to stand by her side and when the last day comes, to bury her and fulfill her last wishes,” he said.

“Besides, she will die soon if I can no longer visit her at the retirement home.”

Mr Soeson's appeal will be returned to the AAT on a date to be determined.