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How to cheat your way through the Super Bowl

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Yes, shoot.

You do not understand the Super Bowl? The ubiquitous event that dwarfs every other American entertainment option? The seasonal highlight of a sport deeply woven into the rich tapestry of a mighty country?

Maybe you're not from the United States. Or were they the kind of kid who watched “Meet the Press” on Sunday? Or maybe you just prefer pickleball. We've got you covered. You've come to the right place to find out everything you need to know about this year's Super Bowl, without tears or shame.

The Super Bowl is the final game of the season of the National Football League, the giant league with a $100 billion television contract and teams each worth $5 billion or more. This year, the San Francisco 49ers face the Kansas City Chiefs in Las Vegas on Sunday just after 6:30 p.m., although pregame coverage begins at 2 p.m.

Yes, Indians, and that makes some people quite uncomfortable. The Washington team changed its name in 2020 from a slur against Native Americans. At first they were simply called the Football Team, and now they are the Commanders.

There are so many to choose from. In Super Bowl III in 1969, Joe Namath predicted that his New York Jets would beat the heavily favored Baltimore Colts, then backed up his boast with a victory.

To promote their appearance in Super Bowl XX in 1986, members of the Chicago Bears created a dirty pop video“The Super Bowl Shuffle,” and went on to win by a record margin. The New York Giants upset the undefeated New England Patriots when a player caught the ball by catching it on his helmet (XLII, 2008).

The game was never canceled, but was stopped for half an hour due to a blackout (XLVII, 2013).

There have been memorable Super Bowl performances of the national anthem (Whitney Houston, XXV, 1991) and halftime shows, including one with a “wardrobe malfunction” (Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, XXXVIII, 2004) that was the subject of a new show. York Times documentary.

The NFL does that, except in 2016 when they called it Super Bowl 50 because Super Bowl L looked a little weird. This year's game is the absolutely silly-looking Super Bowl LVIII.

Okay, but we're going to oversimplify it.

There are eleven players on one side, but the protagonist is the quarterback. He takes the oblong ball at the start of each play and hands it to a player who tries to run with it, or throws it downfield for a receiver to catch. Teams have four attempts, or “downs,” to advance the ball at least 10 yards (9.1 meters), but don't be caught saying that when you're surrounded by football fans.

The other team will try to stop them from doing so, a process that often ends with one or more players grabbing the player with the ball and abruptly throwing him to the ground.

Sometimes a player does something wrong (a “penalty”) and the referee will signal this by throwing what looks like a yellow handkerchief (the announcers will say that “there is a flag on the field”).

The field is 100 yards long, and a team that gets past that point (the “end zone”) gets 6 points (a “touchdown”, very, very good), and another 1 if they can get a ball through a large metal to kick. posts (the “goal posts”) next. There are other ways to score, but we promised to keep it simple.

Sorry, football fans, the match cannot end in a draw. If this is the case, the teams will play “overtime” until a winner is determined.

Amazingly, you are not the first person to make these comments. An old joke says that the game should actually be called 'handei'.

American football evolved from 'rugby football' in the late 19th century. The transition came in 1906, when teams began playing the ball forward instead of just backward. The NFL was founded in the 1920s and began hosting the Super Bowl championship game in 1967 after a merger with a smaller startup, the American Football League.

There are different variations of football around the world. What Americans call football is football or soccer in much of the rest of the world. Canadian football is similar to American football, but teams can charmingly score a 'rouge', worth 1 point. Australian football involves men with very little padding who pass the ball by striking it with their fists.

Kansas City's quarterback is Patrick Mahomes, and San Francisco's quarterback is Brock Purdy. You'll see a lot of them whether you look for them or not.

On defense, look for Kansas City's Chris Jones (if his health is fine) to terrorize Purdy, and the 49ers' Nick Bosa to do the same against Mahomes.

And the main guy for Mahomes to pass the ball to will be…

You've got it. Kansas City's Travis Kelce, arguably the best player to ever play his position, tight end, has further raised his profile by starting a relationship with global music superstar Taylor Swift. She has attended several of his games, leading some purists to grumble that photos of her in her luxury box overshadow the game, although a closer look reveals that her total screen time is actually quite limited.

When the team is on fourth down, yell at the team with the ball to try a play (“go for it”), instead of kicking the ball or attempting a field goal. Fans have always loved this aggressive strategy, and the game is catching up. While coaches used to routinely punt even when they were inches away from a first down, they are now much more likely to try for yards.

When in doubt, say that 'the game is won in the trenches'. Or “edge rusher” or “Tampa 2” or “Jet sweep.” Your football-loving friends will nod sagely.

No one knows exactly how much money is being wagered on the Super Bowl, but it is a lot: more than $10 billion, according to estimates, much of it illegal. The most common way to bet is through the point spread (San Francisco is a 2-point favorite, meaning they need to win by at least 3 points for bettors to back them to cash in).

But you can also bet on almost everything related to the game: how many yards a certain player will gain, who will win the toss that starts the game or which song Usher will sing first during the halftime show.

Do not do it. Advertisers spend a fortune to get a spot in the Super Bowl, and then another fortune to create new, funny and memorable ads for the occasion. Especially if the game is a hit, the ads can be the main topic of conversation the next day.

Unfortunately yes. The size of the players and the violence of their hits ensure that the risk of serious injuries is always present. Even worse, players who are hit repeatedly in the head are at risk of developing CTE, a degenerative brain disease.

Players who now receive blows to the head must leave the field and be examined for a concussion.

More and more fans are tempering their enjoyment of the sport with the sobering knowledge that the players who entertain us on the field do so at great risk.

Around the time of the game, Internet searches for “Super Bowl” skyrocket. But so do searches for “fabulous owl,” as fast-typing fans put the space in the wrong place.

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