The ‘Just Say No’ List To Look Chic For The Over 50s: How To Dress Like A Grown Up With SHANE WATSON

You may have seen Susannah Constantine (of TV’s What Not to Wear fame) publicly rebuke Samantha Cameron (designer of the fashion label Cefinn) on her My Wardrobe Malfunction podcast.

“Can you lower the waist of your dresses,” Susannah wrote to her in an email.

“We are middle-aged women (Susannah is 61) and we look like mutton trying to be lambs.”

So far Sam Cam hasn’t replied, but I’m guessing her response would be, “Sorry? Did you mean me, because I really don’t know what you’re talking about.’

This was a curious fight to choose from. Of all the brands that make dresses unbearable for women over 40, Sam Cam’s isn’t the first to come to mind, and high waists aren’t even on the list of middle-aged fit.

I have a busty girlfriend in her sixties who always looks her best in a slightly high-waisted, sleeveless, V-neck dress.

For her, high-waisted becomes a kind of deep, accommodating empire line and is her preferred dress form.

I have another friend with a neat top and an unruly center who relies on Spanx and a high waist, gathered under the bust and then flared out into a subtle A-line shape to cover her tummy and hips.

And if you have an athletic figure – like Sam Cam himself, who is no spring chicken at 52 – a high waist is the waistline that suits you, just like it did 20 years ago.

In my case, they’re regular-waisted dresses with buttons down the front, the kind Kirstie Allsopp loves, which make me look ten years older, even though they look great on Kirstie and anyone who’s a bit around .

In other words, different women fit different waist sizes, but age has nothing to do with it.

If we want to talk about what really doesn’t work for mature women, regardless of their figure, here are my Just Say Nos. . .

Short hemlines

This is the killer for most women in their 50s and 60s. A little swing dress that ends inches above your knee? No thanks.

A slightly higher hemline can work in months with opaque tights in it, but the problem here is the quality and firmness of the flesh and, if exposed, the texture of the legs that show.

You can work on your arms and wear sleeveless for years (hurrah), but Pilates toned, exfoliated, and fake tan don’t automatically make good bare legs.

There comes a time when the legs are best seen from the calf down, and the legs from the back, above the knee, will otherwise look sad. That’s why hems that fall back are so popular.

Splits

Thigh slits, back slits, side slits. I can’t count the number of dresses I’ve stepped out of only to discover that when you walk or sit down, your legs show all the way to the hot pants line.

Side Split: Amanda Holden. Shane says no to thigh splits, back splits, side splits

Smock

A smocked waistline works nicely, but smocking, not on your life. I’ve seen women as skinny as Vermicelli pasta try on dresses with smocked torsos, and they look like they stepped into the youth pool, stole the youngsters’ stuff, and it just doesn’t work.

It’s the same when you see grown women in pearl button shirts with Peter Pan collars, bras shown on the show (under a sheer top), dungarees (I love them, but not as a fashion item right now) , net or tulle skirts, and most things with bows if the goal is cuteness rather than drama.

Bulging feet

My personal horror is the foot that has seen a lot of heel wear and is now showing the strain – a little mottled, a little veiny and dry. The only solution is lower heels or no heels at all.

HUGE sunglasses

Super cool one minute, eccentric old lady with cats the next. The same goes for hats.

Wide-brimmed hats look great on Joan Collins, but they usually add five years.

Mary Janes

There are a few shoe styles that can add inches to your ankles and make you look like an old doll, including Mary Janes. Why would you?

Beautiful printing

Sometimes they’re so painfully pretty it’s hard to resist, but there’s no getting around it: the meadow-like fabric skirt and little daisy-print dress are just too pretty if we have to be sweet with a good squeeze of lemon.

Also watch out for sweet pink tones; neon colors only work at clubbing age and don’t let anyone tell you that silver leather is a good idea: maybe a good idea for Dua Lipa.