The Beauty of a Walk and Talk

Note: if the smoke from Canadian wildfires continues to cover parts of the US, walking outside can be unhealthy. If you find yourself in an affected area, save this advice for later and stay safe.

Hello fellow (and aspiring) hikers! This is the second installment of our month-long newsletter series dedicated to the joys of outdoor walking. This week we walk and talk, take a walk with someone – a friend, a family member, a neighbor or a partner – to deepen our sense of belonging.

Some of my most rewarding conversations have been on foot. The exchanges seemed to flow more easily, as if our steps dictated the pace of our speech. But there may be a simpler reason why walking attracts people: Research shows that it can be less stressful to talk to someone when you walk side by side, with minimal eye contact, than to talk face-to-face.

“Walking next to someone makes conversation a parallel game,” with each person “looking ahead yet connected through the exchange,” says Esther Perel, relationship therapist, author, and host of the podcast “Where Should We Begin?”

To help you get the most out of your walking chats, I took advice from Perel and Priya Parker, the author of “The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters.”

Consider a theme.

Think ahead of time about the kind of conversation you want to have, Parker advised. If you’re feeling creative, you might even want to title it, she said. Parker suggested four:

walking tour: Pick a neighborhood or park you’ve never explored and “roam around together and talk about things that don’t normally come up in everyday life,” Parker said.

Memory Strip: During this walk, talk about important memories that the other person may not know.

Battle walk: You and your partner can take the opportunity to share something you’re struggling with “and just listen to each other, no advice, just deep listening,” Parker said.

Walk and Talk: You don’t need to structure your chats; just get together to move instead of sitting in a bar, restaurant or someone’s house. “We walk and we talk, about anything and everything,” Parker said.

Or prepare a few clues.

Walking invites easy conversations because we are often more relaxed and open to tangents, Parker explained. “And it’s really hard to incessantly check your phone when you’re out for a walk with someone else,” she said. “You will stumble.”

There’s no pressure to come up with thought-provoking questions — just spending time together on a ramble away from screens and obligations builds bonds. But clues can make a walk more fun. A master at opening people up, Perel offered a few reliable ones (some from the upcoming version of her card game, “Where Should We Begin: A Game of Stories”) to engage people in more thought-provoking discussions:

• What is a promise you wish you hadn’t broken?

• The journey that changed my life was…

• What keeps me up at night is…

• If my younger self could see me today, they’d say…

• My most unexpected friendship is with…

One of Parker’s favorite ways to start a dialogue is to ask, “Have you ever had a nemesis?” Why do you think they got under your skin like that?

“This often leads to passionate, rather hilarious conversation,” Parker said, adding that “it’s kind of cross-border, kind of naughty.”

Embrace the flow of conversations.

When we walk with another person, Parker said, the social norms around silence and talking tend to shift. “It’s okay to take a beating, that’s its own kind of intimacy,” she said. “Some of the best and most random conversations often happen after long periods of silence.”

And if you need a walking buddy, consider joining a group. GirlTrek is a network of over a million black women who walk in neighborhoods across the country. EverWalk, a national initiative co-founded by swimmer Diana Nyad, organizes walking events, clubs and challenges.

Meet Martinus Evans, a beloved figure among runners at the back of the pack.

The Slow AF Run Club, a virtual running group for people who feel left out of the sport, was founded by Martinus Evans. He started running in 2012, after an orthopedic surgeon told him to “lose weight or die,” and laughed at Evans’ vow to run a marathon. Evans, now a certified running coach, has since run eight.

Read the story: One man’s mission to make running a sport for all

Expressing gratitude feels good, but it’s also a powerful way to improve your well-being.

Research suggests that a grateful outlook has been shown to have positive effects on our psychological health — and even our physical health. Expressing gratitude regularly also helps us connect more closely with others. An easy way to build gratitude, one expert said, is to tie it into a daily habit, such as thinking about what you’re thankful for as you turn on your computer.

Read the story: Gratitude is really good for you. This is what science shows.

The week in Well

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