Valentine's Day 2024 falls on the first day of Lent – and I'm giving up Bumble

A CAT shelter in America is offering jilted lovers the opportunity to get revenge on their exes by naming a cat after them and then having it neutered.

Meanwhile, a US zoo is celebrating Valentine's Day by giving couples the chance to name cockroaches after each other.

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The idea is that cockroaches, like your love, are indestructible and last a lifetime.

Who says romance is dead?

Further down the line you can feed him to a toad if your prince turns out to be one himself.

Why do animals have to be collateral in this messy game of love?

Kissing frogs, lots of fish in the sea. . .

Single people have to endure a menagerie of nature metaphors because it really is a jungle out there.

It's no secret that mental health has taken a nosedive since the pandemic, especially among young people. But it's also spreading to the online dating world.

It's harder than ever to find meaningful connections on dating apps as barriers grow and the fear of getting hurt outweighs the hope of finding love.

More and more men are looking for a 'spark' and tend to value sexual chemistry over emotional availability.

It's easy to dismiss and dehumanize someone when you express your feelings through emojis and you're just a swipe away from never speaking to that person again.

I'm not one to point fingers, but there's more baggage than Heathrow.

Burnout on dating apps is real. You can spend weeks, months and years switching between apps, only to end up with creeps and failed matches. It takes a lot of time and energy to invest in fruitless communication

You can only bounce back so many times before you start wondering if it's time to change course.

As for the prospect of meeting in person these days, also known as “the old-fashioned way,” it has become as much of a myth and legend as paper for futuristic science fiction movies.

Modern dating experts suggest you can meet potential partners at the gym, but despite going five times a week, that's never going to happen for me – and it's all to do with genetics.

According to the genealogy report I created, I have more Neanderthal DNA than 97 percent of other users.

What does this mean?

Well, besides now sporting the rather uncomplimentary image of a knuckle-bearer, I have a terrible sense of direction and tend to sweat my brains out.

You can see how easily my dating profile writes itself.

I'm less of a gym bunny and more of a gym chimpanzee, so honestly, I would negatively judge any man who approached me in my primate state.

This year, Valentine's Day falls on the first day of Lent, so it's the perfect time to give up on love.

If it ends with chopping down cats and feeding cockroaches to toads, I don't want anything to do with it anymore.

In all seriousness, it's not a bad idea to give yourself a break from “searching,” not just because the law of the universe dictates that the moment you stop looking you will find someone, but because it really benefits your mental health. can harm. obsessing over profiles and getting nowhere.

If people are banned from drinking alcohol, soft drinks and meat for forty days, I'm sure we can stay away from Bumble for a while.

And if you give up looking for love, you don't have to give up chocolate.

🔴 Read Zara Janjua's column every week in the Scottish Sun on Sunday or online here