Don’t shut down your anger. Channel it.
There is an upside to being angry.
According to research published this week in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,” anger is more useful in motivating people to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals than a neutral emotional state.
In a series of seven experiments, researchers recruited students from Texas A&M University and in some cases induced anger by showing the students images that insulted their school, such as people in Aggie shirts wearing diapers and carrying baby bottles.
“It worked well,” said Heather C. Lench, lead author of the study and a professor in the department of psychology and brain sciences at Texas A&M.
The researchers found that anger helped the students solve more puzzles. When they were asked to play a challenging computer game and it was almost impossible to win, this made the students angry. But at those times they moved faster and their reaction time decreased. The other experiments also showed that anger could be beneficial.
“For a long time, there was this idea that being positive all the time was a life well lived, and that’s what we should strive for,” said Dr. Lench. “But there is increasing evidence that it is actually a life balanced by a mix of emotions that appear to be more satisfying and positive in the long run.”
Embrace your anger.
Many of us have learned to push away our so-called negative emotions and focus on the positive. But experts say being relentlessly positive and leaning on cheerful platitudes, sometimes called “toxic positivity,” can harm us.
“Most positivity jargon lacks nuance, compassion and curiosity,” writes therapist Whitney Goodman in her book “Toxic Positivity.” “It comes in the form of general statements that tell someone how to feel and that the feeling they have right now is wrong.”
The truth is that all our emotions can be useful. “We evolved to experience negative emotions,” says Ethan Kross, a psychologist and director of the Emotion and Self-Control Lab at the University of Michigan.
Anger often arises after you’ve experienced a transgression “and you still believe you can right the ship,” he added. “It can give energy.”
Unpack your anger.
The first step is to admit that you are angry.
“It sounds so obvious, but it’s not,” says Daniel L. Shapiro, associate professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and McLean Hospital and author of ‘Negotiating the Nonnegotiable.’
Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What is this about?
“We get angry when we feel like there is an obstacle standing in our way,” said Dr. Shapiro. Anger can also come from emotions that wake us up, such as shame, humiliation, or the feeling of not being appreciated.
At other times, anger can arise when we feel a threat to our identity, he added, such as that our beliefs or values are under attack.
Set a healthy goal.
When anger surfaces, it is important to remember your overall goal. Otherwise, the anger can quickly spiral out of control, causing an excessive response that is too intense for the circumstances or that lasts an excessively long time.
Suppose you have an argument with your partner. Some studies have shown that expressing anger and having a confrontational discussion can improve the relationship, provided your goal is to strengthen the relationship, express your needs or reach a compromise, said Dr. Lench.
But if your main concern is being right and winning the argument, that “could lead you to become aggressive toward them in a way that is harmful,” she added.
To have a constructive discussion with someone, Dr. Shapiro said, imagine what the other person is feeling and see the problem through his or her eyes; you are more likely to influence them.
(That doesn’t mean you have to agree.)
If your anger is all-consuming, try taking a step away first to cool down.
Learn to harness anger in the workplace.
In the workplace, you can channel angry energy to achieve performance-related goals.
For example, someone who didn’t get the annual review or promotion they wanted can use that anger to plan steps to do better next year, says David Lebel, associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh’s Katz Graduate School of Business.
And when you raise an issue with your coworkers or your manager, try to pair it with a suggestion that could help solve the problem, he added, or ask for help finding a solution.
Sometimes a person’s gender, race, or position in the organization can make it more difficult to have these conversations in the workplace.
Simone Stolzoff, a workplace expert and author of “The Good Enough Job,” suggested seeking support outside and inside of work.
“Seek solidarity among other colleagues, especially those at your level,” he said. Together you can express your demands or talk about what needs to change ‘in a thoughtful, deliberate way’.
Finally, be wary of ventilation.
Venting can feel good, but it generally doesn’t yield solutions, said Dr. Kross. Try to get social support from people who are objective and can help you reframe your circumstances.