I’ve been ashamed of my breasts since I was 13 and was told to cover it up, says Ashley James

As Ashley James scrolls through the comments on her Instagram, she lets out a deep sigh.

The mother of two just posted a photo of herself smiling lovingly while breastfeeding her 11-month-old girl Ada.

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But the trolls are already coming in with vicious attacks.

From comments like “attention seeker” and “put them away” to more blatant insults including “bimbo” and “slug,” the hate comes thick and fast.

And as much as Ashley tries to focus on the dozens of positive comments, she can’t help but take the nasty comments to heart.

“Since becoming a mother there has been an incredible amount of support, but there is also the dark side: the trolling, the judgement, the shame,” says the 36-year-old.

“And it usually comes from other women – and unfortunately from other mothers.”

Ashley, who also has son Alfie, three, with her advertising partner Tommy, regularly shares photos and videos of herself breastfeeding on social media.

If people want to judge, they themselves are the problem

Ashley James

She says: “I’ve been called attention-seeking, but I have my baby whose only way to be fed is from the breasts.

“It’s not a sexual thing. If people want to judge, then they are very much the problem.”

Ashley’s mother shaming started shortly after Alfie was born in January 2021.

She recalls: “I became a mother during lockdown, so there were no classes and no groups.

“So I was on my phone with my baby at my breasts and talking about piles and prolapse and postpartum recovery.

“And I do that because I want male attention?”

Unfortunately, negative comments about her body are nothing new for Ashley.

The broadcaster, who lives in London, says she has been plagued by shaming and sexualised comments since she developed size 30GG breasts at the age of 13.

The hurtful comments continued into her 20s, and then into motherhood, as she shared her breastfeeding journey with her 349,000 Instagram followers.

Speaking to Fabulous for Shamed, a new YouTube series exploring the effects of trolling on six famous women, she says: “I promise no one with big breasts is trying to get attention.

“We just want to exist in the body we have.”

I was told that if I wanted to be taken seriously I had to dress a certain way and I didn’t understand why

Ashley James

Ashley, who rose to fame on E4 reality show Made In Chelsea, says she “had no physical problems” until she hit puberty.

She says: “A lot of my problems came when I grew breasts. I quickly went from having none to a size 30GG.

“As a 14-year-old, I skipped the era of ‘cute bras from La Senza’ and went straight to the big granny bras.

“That was very difficult because there was a lot of sexualization and shame.”

As a teenager, Ashley received unsolicited sexual comments from boys and men, and even teachers blamed her.

Once, when she went to a school disco at the age of 14, she was told to cover up – despite wearing a ‘standard tank top’.

She says: “For me, as a child, there was a lot of confusion.

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“I was told that if I wanted to be taken seriously I had to dress a certain way and I didn’t understand why.

“I think the teachers were trying to protect me, but it taught me that my body was something to be ashamed of.

“Boys made sexual comments about my body, but I still got the blame.”

Even today, Ashley worries that her breasts will make people think she is promiscuous.

She says: “Every time I change, even now in my mid-30s, I always think, ‘Is this too much?’

‘Do I look slutty? Do I look like I’m trying to attract attention?’ That’s what’s really frustrating.”

As a young person, Ashley bought clothes intended for older women in an attempt to be taken seriously.

The problem is society’s hypersexualization of the female body – especially the breasts

Ashley James

She says: “I felt like I needed to wear clothes that were more appropriate for my mother’s age.

“I remember a friend saying I looked scruffy. Needless to say, he quickly became an ex.

“I always felt like I was trying to find my way – how to be sexy, powerful and confident, but also not let people think I wanted bad attention.”

Ashley was so unhappy with her breasts that she considered breast reduction surgery at the age of 15.

“I was very sporty and ran a lot, but boys would make comments,” she says.

“And I could never find a sports bra. I remember wearing two or three of them and feeling very uncomfortable.

“So I went to the doctor with my mother.

“Luckily I didn’t go through with it. I’m very happy with that, because my body was never the problem.

“Society’s hypersexualization of the female body – especially the breasts – is the problem.”

This focus on her breasts has now followed her into motherhood.

She says: “Food is always quite a controversial topic because people are very passionate about it.

It’s the policing of women, but it’s also telling a woman that her body, based on her body type, is too sexual to be shown

Ashley James

“But if you really advocate breastfeeding, people think you are against bottle feeding. And that’s not it at all.

“I never thought I would have breastfed for a year (with Alfie) and do it again (with Ada).

“I never put pressure on myself. It’s exactly what worked for me.

“But it attracts the same shame and negativity that I received as a teenage girl.”

Ashley opens up about the abuse she’s received on Instagram: “Before I had kids, a lot of the sexualized, perverted comments were from men: unsolicited d**k pics and all that kind of stuff.”

Now she regularly receives messages telling her to ‘put them away’.

She says: “I’ve had that all my life, ever since I got breasts.

“Why do I have to cover my body?

“It’s policing women, but it’s also telling a woman that her body, based on her body type, is too sexual to be shown.”

But Ashley is still bombarded by comments from men.

“I always get these weird guys in my DMs wanting to see my boobs, with comments like ‘nice nice bags,'” she says.

“It’s just gross.

“I think social media should try to police it more and women shouldn’t be exposed to this kind of sexual abuse.”

Ashley says she is “sad” for the trolls and tries to ignore them.

“I don’t want to see it because I don’t care. It brings the energy down,” she says.

“It’s not that it hurts me, although it’s not nice on a bad day.

“I stopped trying to prove myself to people years ago. And in the end, we can’t get everyone to like us.”

Ashley admits she still has a love-hate relationship with her breasts.

She says: “I’d love to say ‘I love my body now’ and that I don’t suffer from body issues, but I still feel bad about not being able to wear the same clothes as other people.

“And after having two children, my breasts are five times bigger than before.

“I don’t like that, but I accept that I am not the problem.

“I don’t think I’ll ever say, ‘I like having big breasts.’ But this is my body. That’s how it’s made.”

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