Erika Jayne reflected on her mental state after becoming involved with her estranged husband Tom Girardi‘s legal problems.
“There was nothing hopeful on the horizon for years. That’s when you think, ‘Why am I here?'” Erika, 52, said during her two-part Bravo special Bet everything on blondewhich premiered on Wednesday, March 6. “I have often thought about committing suicide.”
Erika was named alongside 84-year-old Tom in a fraud and embezzlement lawsuit in December 2020, which accused the disgraced attorney and his then-firm, Girardi and Keese, of misusing $2 million in settlement funds intended for the victims of a plane crash. (Erika had filed for divorce from Tom a month earlier. The divorce is still not finalized.)
Although she has vehemently denied any involvement, Erika has been put through the wringer for several seasons The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with the woman speculating how much knowledge she had about Tom’s misdeeds.
“There’s a lot of judgment and accusations, over and over again,” Erika recalled during Wednesday’s docuseries. “I had to defend myself every day.”
Erika also revealed that she spoke to her son: Tommy Zizzo, about her suicidal thoughts. (She shares Tommy with ex-husband Thomas Zizzo.)
“I was talking to my son and I was like, ‘You know, I don’t want to do this. “I don’t want to be here,” she continued. “He says, ‘That’s great, but this is what you’re going to do.’ You’re going to dig your heels in and you’re going to fight like a motherfucker, and you’re going to show everyone that they were wrong, and you were right, and then we can have this conversation afterwards. But until then, you’re going to fight. ”
While Bet everything on blonde was mainly about the 30 days leading up to Erika’s eponymous Las Vegas residency, she also discussed how Tom’s ongoing legal troubles have affected the last few years of her life.
“Between divorces, competency, hearings and charges and losing everything in the last three years, it’s been bad,” she said at one point during the docuseries. Most of the conversations about Tom took place during the first of the two episodes.
Elsewhere on the show, Erika stated that she is still being “punished” for Tom’s mistakes.
“I don’t even really have my own freedom because I still have the last name,” she said. “So I’ve worked really hard to get my life back on track and that’s what the residency means to me, but will I ever get rid of this?”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.