CLARE FOGES: The irony of being a cougar? It just made me feel old

You go, girl! Is this how we should respond to 65-year-old Sex And The City creator Candace Bushnell’s news that she recently dated a 21-year-old male model?

This week she says in an interview in this newspaper that she “took him out to dinner because I was afraid he was so skinny…” I really hope he got a toy with his Happy Meal.

Should we cheer about this latest push for female empowerment, the super cougar who – like her male counterpart Al Pacino – is seen around town with a partner who didn’t exist when they blew out forty candles on their birthday cake?

I’m afraid my answer is more, “What, girl?” How can a grown woman be attracted to a man whose teenage years were yesterday?

I can’t think of anything more horrible than being in a relationship with a man who marinates himself in Lynx Africa and washes his bedding once a year.

Yet cougaring has become a thing. Over the past few years, newspapers have been full of confessional pieces from newly divorced, middle-aged women who hit the dating apps only to be bombarded by lusty young men born in the mid-nineties.

‘The sex is great!’ they trembled. “And no snoring or nose hair like those dinosaurs our own age!”

For female celebrities, there’s nothing like having a 20-something on your arm to show you’re still a sex goddess: Demi Moore went 15 years younger with Ashton Kutcher. J-Lo dated backup dancer Casper Smart when she was 42 and he was 24. Kate Beckinsale was 45 when she stepped out with 25-year-old Pete Davidson.

Madonna, 65, has had a string of boyfriends in their 20s, while Cher is dating 37-year-old Alexander Edwards – 40 years her junior.

There’s a kind of equality there, I think. Age-gap relationships have long been largely a one-way street, as with actor Rufus Sewell, 56, who this week announced his engagement to a 26-year-old: older man, younger woman.

The reversal of this is heralded as something liberating and modern, an affirmation that women today are just as powerful and sexually liberated as men.

That’s the theory, but in practice I don’t think age gap relationships often work, at least not like this. I should know; I dipped my toes in the cougar water myself.

I was 34, at a party where I didn’t know anyone, when a young man came and offered to get me a drink. I looked at his flushed and barely stubbly cheeks and assumed he was a waiter, but no, he was a 24 year old guy who just wanted to chat. How exciting!

At the time I felt jaded and old, and here was a young man barely out of college showing an interest.

At first it was refreshing. Instead of talking about mortgages or politics, all he wanted to do was take shots of Jagermeister and kiss.

He was unpretentious, enthusiastic and had an endearing respect for my age-old opinions, treating everything I said as if I were Aristotle and Gandhi rolled into one.

Unfortunately, after our fourth meeting, things started to get ugly. I took him to a smart work meeting and he was crushed by the free drinks, tried to sing along with my sober colleagues and wondered out loud why everyone was so boring.

When he was staying at my house, I realized he was living on Quavers and Monster energy drinks. When we went to the pub he was wearing sweatpants with the top of his trousers showing. In my work suit I looked like his probation officer.

The last straw was his harassment of nude photos. When I told him I would rather gargle with razor blades than send such a photo, he was astounded.

It seems that men in their twenties expect women to ping for a photo of their expensive stuff after their first meeting.

And just when I was bored with his youth, I’m sure he got annoyed with my age. Hadn’t I heard of that Hot New Band? No. Had I really never played Grand Theft Auto before? No. Didn’t I want to go to the foam party in Shoreditch until 4am? Double no.

In short, instead of feeling younger, this closeness to youth made me feel old, old, old.

I would venture to guess that most of us would be more likely to feel beautiful, witty, and smart with a man at least our own age. Maybe this is why I can see how men who are 15 or 20 years older can be attractive in a way that men who are 15 or 20 years younger just aren’t.

Another problem is how easily the dynamic between older woman and younger man can slip into mother-son mode.

When an older woman sees her young lover going to work with a crumpled shirt or eating another Pot Noodle, something inside her may be moved to iron the shirt and cook them a chicken pot pie.

Next thing you know, she’s spitting on her handkerchief to wipe his face before a work meeting.

It may be crushingly un-PC to admit, but age-gap relationships just seem more natural when the man is the older party.

All the power goes to the Joan Collinses and Brigitte Macrons of the world who have successful long-term relationships with younger men, but for me the cougar-toyboy combo is not the path to long-term satisfaction.

Rita nails it in a £15 Primark number

Is that a stegosaurus? No, it’s Rita Ora wearing a prosthetic ‘chrome dino spine’ at the British Fashion Awards. Even more shocking to the fashionistas in attendance was the fact that her dress was a £15 Primark number rather than couture worth tens of thousands.

It is a smart move by Ora, who has designed a collection for the retailer, but it still takes courage to choose a snobbish fashion brand at Primark.

Madness to make a rapist spend time in a women’s prison

The Scottish Prison Service has said that transgender female criminals with a history of violence against women will be allowed to serve time in a women’s prison if there is ‘compelling’ evidence that they do not pose an ‘unacceptable risk of harm’.

Yes, if a ‘risk management team’ sees fit, even a convicted rapist among women can end up in prison.

You’ve heard of lunatics taking over the shelter; these are the ideological fanatics taking over Scotland’s prison system.

Away with their undeserved titles!

Tory MP Bob Seely is to introduce a bill to Parliament to strip the Duke and Duchess of Sussex of their titles.

Good luck to him. Why would Harry and Meghan enjoy the royal trinkets without the bribery that comes with it? Especially now that their silence on the ‘royal racism’ row has spoken volumes. Away with their titles!

Asda is to sell the smelliest cheese in the world: the Minger.

For those like me who want their cheese to smell like gym socks that ran a marathon, this is great news.

Unfortunately, my cheese-hating husband suggests that buying The Minger would be antisocial – even grounds for divorce.