CLARE FOGES: Do you think only fools fall for scams? I’ve been cheated on three times

Hello madam, I am calling from the fraud department of your bank. We have reason to believe that your account has been hacked. Is this a good time to talk?’ ‘Oh no! Yes of course… ‘

The polite young man, who knew where I lived and with whom I banked, asked me a few questions: What were my most recent transactions? Did I recognize a payment of €143.27 to suck-it-up-sucker.com? Can I confirm my address and card number, including the three-digit code on the back?

I chatted on until his last question: ‘And do you have any other bank accounts, ma’am? The Financial Conduct Authority requires us to check this so we can warn them too.’

I gave him the name of my other bank. “And approximately how much is in the other account?”

At this point (admittedly, late in the day) I smelled a rat. Of course, I realized that my real bank would never call to request this kind of information over the phone. Ever.

When I told the young man that I didn’t feel comfortable providing more information, he said he would ask someone from the other bank to call me back.

Three seconds later the phone rang again. This time it was a man about 11 years old, with all the authority of Jimmy Krankie.

He asked for my card details again. I hung up, not before suggesting to him that instead of taking people’s money, he should start making his own.

On that occasion a few months ago I was lucky. I called the actual fraud department at my bank to block my card so nothing was taken.

A lucky escape, which you might think would have insured me against future scams.

But – like millions of Brits, as revealed this week in a report that illustrated the shocking extent of the scammers’ reach – I would fall prey again.

I received an email from Royal Mail stating that they could not deliver a parcel because the postage was £1.40 short. I paid the shortfall online with my card, filling in the details of my address, zip code and the like. This was also a scam.

Embarrassingly, just a few days later, the third time I provided more information than I should have was after receiving an email purporting to be from Apple telling me I needed to reconfirm my card details. Reader, it was a bad apple.

What does that say again? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, too bad I have the common sense of a mosquito.

I still have about £300 while my bank decides whether to refund the money.

It seems the thieves were into takeaways and had cooked a dozen orders before I noticed the money going out. The audacity of these people, using my hard-earned money to stuff their faces with chicken feed!

Scams are not only annoying, all those hours on the phone with the bank are also downright demoralizing.

In online fraud, you are a victim twice: the victim of a crime and the victim of your own cruel inner voice that asks, “How can you be such an idiot?”

I have often condescendingly warned my mother to keep her wits about her online, and yet I fell for it so easily myself.

It’s a small comfort to know I’m not alone. This week’s report shows that more than seven in 10 adults in Britain were targeted by scammers last year, with 13 percent losing money as a result.

Seven percent of people had lost as much as £5,000. And yet the authorities do not seem to take fraud seriously.

If someone breaks into your home, you expect at least a visit from the police, but if you lose money online, would you even bother calling them?

Those takeaway thieves who stole my money are operating in what is effectively a lawless space, despite the fact that the fraud ‘industry’ raked in £1.2 billion in England and Wales last year.

In 2022, 3.7 million fraud offenses were reported to the police (the tip of the iceberg, I suspect) and only 3,455 were successfully prosecuted. How many went to prison for their crimes? A pathetic 1,177.

Fraud is fast becoming a punishable crime.

You might think it’s primarily the victims’ fault for being so gullible, but these scams are becoming increasingly sophisticated.

Because we release our card information countless times a day, it can be difficult to tell the difference between legitimate and unreliable requests.

This whole thing makes me long for simpler days, when purchases were paid for with crisp notes and shiny coins, and someone with a computer couldn’t steal your money from a few hundred miles away.

The uncertainty of online banking and purchasing makes me even more certain that the ‘cashless society’, we are told, would be a very bad idea.

Sorry, Joanna, I’m all for Botox

Joanna Lumley says one of the reasons she looks so good at 77 is because she avoids cosmetic surgery ‘touch-ups’ such as Botox.

I worked with Lumley on a project years ago and can testify that she is a stunner, with cheekbones you could hang your coat on.

But for those of us with the bone structure of a potato, can we please forgive a few adjustments? I have had Botox before and will definitely do so again.

I respect Jada for avoiding divorce

Eyes have been rolling over the revelation that Jada Pinkett Smith and husband Will have not separated, despite their 2016 split.

People may grimace, but in an age when half of marriages end in divorce, I think their continued commitment is refreshing.

Says Jada, “I promised that… we’ll get through this, whatever.” Isn’t that what the vows are about?

Glasgow Museums says a £3million sculpture by Auguste Rodin has been ‘unlocated’, a fancy way of saying ‘lost’.

I imagine it will appear on Antiques Roadshow in 2095, brought to you by the great-grandchildren of some nimble-fingered museum assistant.

Still, the loss of such a huge work of art makes me feel better about my daily search for the car keys.

We have to learn to talk about death

Richard E. Grant says friends crossed the road to avoid talking to him after his wife’s death.

When I lost my father at the age of eight, I longed to talk about him and longed for someone at school to ask me about his death, but that never happened. As Grant says, it’s extremely hurtful.

Why are we so strangely awkward towards the sad people of this country? It doesn’t matter if it’s banal, clumsy or clumsy; Saying something is always better than saying nothing at all.

Another ‘world has gone mad’ moment with the news that a West Sussex boarding school has created an AI chatbot as a deputy headteacher.

A good way to cut costs, but if I paid £32,000 a year to send my child there I’d be on the run.