Counselor Reveals Increase in Number of Childfree Women Needing Therapy Due to the Stigma They Face for ‘Threatening the Norm’

The stigma women face when choosing to remain childfree is so powerful that some could benefit from therapy, an expert has said.

Hayley Watkins, 42, is a psychotherapy consultant from Bristol who has chosen not to have children.

Partly because of the negative experiences she has had, she will lead a guidance group where women in her position can come together and discuss their lifestyle.

Hayley is called Cactus Counseling and will lead the Bristol-based national therapy group from this month.

The group comes as birth rates in England and Wales have fallen to their lowest levels since the 1930s, when similar records began.

There is a long-term trend where people are choosing to have children later in life and have smaller families.

Despite statistics showing it is becoming increasingly common for women not to have children, some still face stigma, says consultant Hayley.

Hayley told FEMAIL she hopes Cactus Counseling will be a space where women can validate their choices and feel supported.

She added that people are only just getting used to the idea of ​​a child-free lifestyle, and this could threaten the norm.

For this reason, in addition to supporting women in her space, she wants to reassure them that they “don’t abandon” their parents who don’t want to become grandparents.

According to Hayley, choosing to remain child-free is an alternative lifestyle and not a problem that needs to be solved.

Speaking about her own feelings on the issue, she said she knew since childhood that she didn’t want her own children – it was a gut feeling.

Hayley says she remembers talking about having children since she was five, and knowing she wouldn’t want them.

And while some people laughed at her and said she would change her mind, this has not been the case.

Hayley said there are several reasons why women choose to remain childfree, including changing environmental, economic and social factors.

Another reason she highlighted was the physical impact of pregnancy and childbirth, which in some cases can cause lifelong trauma to the body.

She said: ‘There’s a spiritual story around child birth and pregnancy that it’s wonderful and it’s beautiful, but it’s actually not – it’s just biology.’

She noted that while it’s “impossible to know how many people think about these things,” she has heard people say to her, “You’re married, you’re buying a house and your kids just because that’s what you do.”

But when it comes to not having children, she says people are often “less compliant with doing the regular things – mainly because they are more aware of the potential problems children can face.

She explained: ‘We have entered a period where we are very aware of mental health and the impact of certain environments.

“We see gentler parenting, but it puts us in a very strange place, where we don’t quite know how to do it right yet.

‘Parents then run the risk of having children who, for example, do not fully understand boundaries.’

In addition, people can choose to direct a mothering or caring instinct in a different direction.

According to Hayley, as a therapist she works as a kind of ‘pseudo’ parent.

In addition, current economic conditions make parenting more difficult because few couples can afford to have a full-time parent, with only one person working.

And there are also some people who choose to remain childfree simply because they think they would become poor parents, with Hayley saying she identifies with this.

She explained, “As much as I want people to grow up with a sense of caring and empathy, and to feel ready for the world… I don’t think I can provide that.”

Additionally, Hayley noted that she “really needs her rest.”

She is not alone in this: researchers at Queen’s University Belfast estimate that around 20 to 23 percent of the Western adult population is childfree.

“But despite the figures showing that the choice not to have children is becoming increasingly common, recent research shows that people without children are viewed less favorably than others,” said Dr Tanja Gerlach, lecturer in social and personality psychology at Queen’s University Belfast . told the times.

She added that people without children find that they are treated differently from their parents in several areas of their lives.

For example, those who do not have to care for children may find that they are expected to work longer hours.

Another example that Dr. Gerlach gave was the housing sector: landlords may prefer tenants with children.

Family relationships can also be tense, she says, noting that this is most often reported in “accounts from childfree women, who report how their choice is sometimes not taken seriously, or is questioned or criticized.”

“These interactions can be so unpleasant that some women prefer to hide their childfree identity by implying that they cannot have children or plan to have them later in life,” says Dr. Gerlach.

Women who choose not to have children are often called selfish, or told they will change their minds as they get older, or “when they meet the right man.”

As well as the growing number of childless women, those who have them are also choosing smaller families, the ONS said.

Mothers now have an average of 1.92 children, which is lower than the 2.08 for their mothers’ generation.

Families with two children remain the most common family size (37 percent), but this is a decrease in the proportion of families with two children compared to their mothers’ generation born in 1949 (44 percent).

The ONS said: ‘Although average family size has declined, families with two children remain the most common family size in both generations, with 37 per cent of women born in 1975 and 44 per cent of women born in 1949 having two children.

“Of those born in 1975, 27 percent had three or more children and 17 percent had only one child, compared with 30 percent and 13 percent, respectively, of their mothers’ generation.”

Although these statistics show that the number of childfree women is growing, it is still the norm for women to start a family.

‘[Some people have kids] and then they feel alive and rich and meaningful and fulfilled and that’s wonderful,” Hayley said.

But she added: ‘I’m convinced that it’s important to think about it enough… and think: ‘What do I want from parenthood?’ before I go through with it.”