Preachiest Sycophant, Most Shameless 'In Memoriam' and Strangest Fashion Flops – KENNEDY's hilarious awards for the oh-so-woke and hypocritical Emmys… with an accused domestic abuser being the biggest winner!

The flower of hypocrisy is blooming profusely in Hollywood.

They'll be there for you, Matthew Perry.

But apparently not for your alleged victims.

Midway through the obligatory “In Memoriam” at Monday night's Emmys, the question occurred to me: How will Tinseltown acknowledge Perry's sudden death — and the subsequent accusations that he was a habitual wife beater?

Spoiler alert: not good.

Last week at the Golden Globes, the troubled Friend was completely ignored. But this 75th Emmys was all about nostalgia and reaching for the TV magic of yesteryear.

They couldn't overlook Chandler Bing. So when the headshots of Norman Lear, Angela Lansbury and Harry Belafonte faded in and out on a big screen, I knew what was about to happen.

“I'll be there for you,” sang Charlie Puth and the husband-and-wife duo The War and Treaty, “When the rain starts to pour.”

The Emmys went all in.

Perry received the loudest applause of all: the last shreds of #MeToo were swept under the rug as a room full of faux moralists honored the dishonorable.

After his death in October, sources close to Perry told DailyMail.com that – in his final years – he was abusive. He allegedly “threw a coffee table” at his ex-fiance, pushed his live-in sober companion against a wall and “threw her onto a bed.” Furthermore, despite proclaiming himself a champion of addicts trying to slim down, he is said to regularly abuse hard drugs.

Regardless, the tribute was angelic.

What else would you expect from these preachy, oh-so-woke sycophants?

They don't like to shout their own words. Roman Polanski? Woody Allen? Will Smith?

Taking the stage left is Emmys host and Jussie Smollett defender Anthony Anderson, who himself has been haunted by decades of sexual assault. (Charges were dropped in two cases and the outcome of a third is unknown).

Call it good casting.

He decided to forego a monologue. Who can blame him after the Jo Koy-Golden Globes debacle?

Instead of the traditional format and punchline set, Anderson botched a musical tribute to a few iconic theme songs and an off-key, breathless, out-of-depth cover of Phil Collins' “In The Air Tonight” .

Luckily for Anderson, his mother was in the audience – and she was funnier than him. “Time's up, honey,” she hilariously snapped at her boy. “Wrap it up.”

Luckily, the Emmy award winners only got about 10 seconds to speak, and Anderson's mother was there to enforce it — even holding up a giant clock when White Lotus star Jennifer Coolidge started ranting.

But – shock – left to their own devices (and without writers) these actors still managed to behave obnoxiously.

Jeremy Allen White, who won lead actor in a comedy for his award in “The Bear,” looked like he had eaten one too many space cakes and repeatedly shouted “I love you!” to a room with hundreds.

RuPaul's Drag Race won the award for Best Reality Competition Program, earning the show a whopping 29 Emmys. Congratulations! But then RuPaul urged America to let drag queens read books to children. Oh well, I prefer children who can read. But… priorities!

Elton John ultimately won the rare EGOT (the designation for a winner of an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, And Tony Award) for his concert special 'Elton John Live: Farewell from Dodger Stadium' and he didn't even show up to receive the statuette. God, he's my favorite diva.

Niecy Nash-Betts (Best Supporting Actress in a Limited Series in “Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story”) let the double volleyballs smuggled into her dress do the talking. And her self-deprecation was spot-on. 'I want to thank you for believing in me!' she gushed.

There was at least one honest broker in the party.

I had to cover my eyes when Anderson reappeared in a black latex suit for a cameo as Rubber Man from American Horror Story.

“Not this guy again!” exclaimed actor Dylan McDermott.

“Hard to breathe in this kind of thing,” Anderson gasped. 'I don't know how they do it in Pulp Fiction. Am I sweating there?'

TMI, man!

Where's the gimp ball when you need it?

But honestly, the Emmys weren't all bad.

There was a camp cameo from Ted Danson and the cast of Cheers on a recreated set. And Katherine Heigl, wearing Jessica Rabbit's red dress, was reunited with the rest of the Grey's Anatomy crew. That was only slightly awkward because Hiegl infamously withdrew from Emmy consideration in 2008 because she thought her scripts stunk.

The evening wouldn't have been complete without a look back at the Sopranos and, my favorite, Martin.

The cast marveled that they had never been nominated by the self-loathing snobs of the establishment, while Martin was left hanging on the sidelines. When he spoke, we were all concerned that he was unwell or not up to the task.

On the plus side, Tisha Campbell looked fantastic. Damn it, Gina!

And speaking of fashion, White Lotus star Aubrey Plaza's dress resembled a silky Post-It note. Ali Wong from Beef looked like she was pairing a baked potato wrapper with my late aunt's Goodwill skirt. And Laverne Cox appeared to be dressed in a cross between a garbage bag and an exoskeleton.

But when I die, I want to come back as the impossible body of Hannah Waddingham. She looked phenomenal.

Sarah Snook also gets an honorable mention, who doesn't love a Vivienne Westwood dress? And Dead to me Christina Applegate, who has lived with multiple sclerosis for years, has given us all a lesson in how to excel – no matter what.

She walked out with the help of Anderson and a cane to a standing ovation. 'Thank you so much. Oh my god, you totally put me to shame [and my] disability by standing up,” she deadpanned. 'It is well. OK. Body not from Ozempic. OK, let's go.'

That's a real star.

Sorry, Anthony. Like your mother said, your time is up.

Now go dry off.