How parents can actually help teens navigate social media

The American Psychological Association has released its very first guidance on the use of social media in adolescence last week a collection of 10 recommendations for educators, policymakers, technology companies and parents to help teens use technology in a safe and positive way.

The group said adolescents should be monitored for “problematic” social media use and it was important to minimize teens’ exposure to cyberbullying, online hate and content that causes them to compare their physical appearance to the appearance of others . It also highlighted the importance of teaching teens digital citizenship and literacy.

At the same time, the APA recognized that tech companies have a role to play in all of this, urging them to consider whether features like endless scrolling and the “Like” button are appropriate for teen development.

But as all parents know, the primary burden is on them to monitor and educate their children and to keep up with the rapidly changing technology. And trying to do this can feel frustrating and ineffective.

“As a parent and a psychologist, I recognize that the demands placed on parents go beyond what we can do,” said Laura Gray, a psychologist at Children’s National Hospital in Washington, D.C.

The New York Times contacted Dr. Gray and seven other experts — many of whom are parents of tweens or teens — to ask a simple question: What is a practical strategy that caregivers can use with their children going forward to mitigate the harms of social media?

Be very practical in the beginning.

The APA recommended that adults closely monitor social media use in children ages 10 to 14. Dr. Gray agreed that this was a crucial time for parents to establish good habits.

For example, a family may decide that a child will initially be limited to just one app, she said, and that the parents will view posts and friend requests with their child for the first six months or so. The goal is to provide hands-on scaffolding.

As the mother of a teenager and two younger children, Dr. Gray how difficult it is to provide that kind of intensive supervision. But taking even five minutes a day to assess a child’s social media use is fine if that’s what families have available to them, she said.

Parents should also make sure all accounts are set to private, said Girard Kelly, head of privacy at Common Sense Media, adding that social media apps are “designed to learn everything about their users so they can post personalized content.” pushing that keeps kids and teens hooked.”

Keep to your firmest limits at night.

No screens after 9pm

Or rather, no screens at a time of night that will affect your teen’s ability to get at least eight or nine hours of sleep, said Mitch Prinstein, the chief science officer at the APA and a co-chair of the advisory panel. that the new guidance.

“We now know that this is the #1 reason for disturbed sleep,” he said, “and we now have it science to say disrupted sleep literally erodes the size of teenagers’ brains.”

No smartphones or tablets in the bedroom at night.

Virtually every expert interviewed emphasized how important this was, including Jean Twenge, a psychologist who did sounded the alarm for years about the ways social media has contributed to the erosion of teen mental health.

“We know from so much research on sleep that people don’t sleep as well or for as long as their phones are within reach,” she said.

Dr. Twenge recommended that all family members put their phones in a common area at night — a practice her own family follows.

Dr. Gray added that teens could push against these kinds of boundaries, especially if parents tried to enforce them retroactively. In those cases, “it’s helpful to be able to reason around, ‘This is why we believe this is a loving response from your parents,'” she said. “Even though they may still have an emotional response.”

Help teens understand how social media affects their brains.

The human brain develops from the back to the front, explained Dr. Frances Jensen, the chair of the neurology department at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of “The Teenage Brain.” The middle part of the brain, which she describes as the “social brain,” is “actively building itself during adolescence” and is most susceptible to outside influences. However, the front part of the brain, which controls things like decision making, risk mitigation and emotional regulation, develops well into your late twenties. So teens “really act out with a very very active social brain, which makes them very vulnerable to peer pressure” and also to seeking out new things, she said. And they don’t get feedback from the front of their brain telling them to stop and take a hit.

Dr. Jensen urged parents to talk to their children about these brain changes and how they leave them particularly vulnerable to some of the more negative effects of social media. All of the content, feedback and stimulation available online “is very accessible to kids as their social brains develop,” she said, describing it as a “perfect storm.”

Question: “Do you feel you have control over social media, or do you feel it controls you?”

That question is particularly effective for gauging whether a teen’s social media use has become problematic, said Jeff Hancock, the founder and director of the Stanford Social Media Lab. He suggested starting with something like, “Hey, sometimes I find it hard not to be on my phone all the time. Do you ever struggle with that?”

If your teen says yes, it opens up to discuss management strategies. For example, Mr. Hancock teaches his 12-year-old (who so far only has access to TikTok videos on YouTube) to set a timer for himself. She works through what it feels like to take responsibility for her screen time and figures out how to handle it when the timer goes off and she wants to stay online.

Encourage teens to ask, “Do I feel bad about myself watching this?”

While the APA’s call for teens’ use of social media to compare themselves to others may feel vague, one way to teach teens to do a simple gut check is to ask themselves, “Are these accounts making that I feel worse about myself or my body?” said Dr. Jason Nagata, an adolescent medicine specialist at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital San Francisco who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders.

While the negative effects of social media on girls’ body image have been much discussed, Dr. Nagata that parents should encourage this kind of practice with children of both sexes.

“While it’s less understood and less covered up, boys are also susceptible to these influences,” he said. “Studies have shown that Instagram use in boys and men is associated with skipping meals, disordered eating, muscle dissatisfaction and even anabolic steroid use.”

Especially with older teens, lead conversations with curiosity, not judgment.

The experts stressed the importance of parents nurturing an open dialogue about social media throughout their children’s lives. Teens — especially those who are older and may have more online freedom — often assume that their parents are asking questions about their social media use because they plan to crack down or take their phones, said Becky Lois, a child and adolescent psychologist at Hassenfeld Children’s Hospital at NYU Langone.

“The approach is really crucial here,” she said. “We need to help kids understand why we’re asking the question. It is not accusatory or critical or judgmental.” Tell them very clearly that you’re asking because you’re curious about this aspect of their lives, not because they’re in trouble, Dr. Lois advised.

She is also a realist. Teens may not be honest or not want to talk to you about it, she said, but it’s a parent’s job to keep asking.

Dr. Lois added that it’s important “to connect with them to get to know this part of their life, and also to make sure they know it’s a safe place to talk about what they’re seeing.”