It’s never too late to become a nurse

“It’s Never Too Late” is a series that tells the stories of people who decide to chase their dreams on their own terms.

Joanna Patchett has always feared death and the dying.

“I was terrified of being responsible for people’s lives, and I was afraid of the space between life and death,” she said.

And yet, in July 2020, as hospitals filled with coronavirus cases, Ms. Patchett, fresh out of nursing school, found herself caring for extremely sick Covid patients in the intensive care unit at Binghamton General Hospital in upstate New York.

“It was heartbreaking to see how sick everyone was. It was a life-changing and extremely difficult experience,” said Ms. Patchett, a 39-year-old resident of Binghamton. “I didn’t expect to see so many people die in quick succession, to be on a floor full of ventilated patients, to intubate people so many times or to be their primary person to interact with them while the rest of the world could. not.”

Mrs. Patchett had dreamed of becoming an actress, but was not very lucky in the profession. In 2019, aged 35, she went back to school, having been accepted into a one-year accelerated nursing program. Most of her classmates entered nursing right out of college, and many affectionately referred to her as her mother. As the pandemic worsened, she was deeply moved by “how people opened up and were so vulnerable to us.”

“You could see the humanity, how worthy of life everyone is and how hard the body fights to live,” she said.

Mrs. Patchett never imagined her life would turn out like this. After earning a bachelor’s degree in English and drama from Ithaca College, she felt “lost and depressed” for ten years as she bounced from one job to another – teaching English and yoga, working in a dental office. She felt behind in life because she didn’t know what she wanted to do. “I knew I had something to give, but I didn’t know what it was,” she said.

“I was jealous of people who challenged themselves,” Ms Patchett said. “I never had. If I wanted to grow and find myself, I had to try something scary. I had to take a risk and challenge myself.”

It was her mother who persuaded her to become a nurse, thinking she would be good in the field, even though Mrs. Patchett disagreed. “I didn’t think I was equipped for that experience, or that I could handle it spiritually and emotionally.”

But in recent years, that’s exactly where she’s been, despite the 12-hour shifts, the daily emergencies, and the often harrowing emotional work. For Mrs. Patchett, who lives alone, it was extremely difficult to return to an empty apartment. Although her family lived only five miles away, she was unable to see her family often due to the high risk of contracting the coronavirus, and there was nothing alive and vibrant to come home to. Many nights she came back from work and cried. With the intense stress of being an ICU nurse taking a mental toll on her, she adopted a cat, Tanky. “I wanted something to love,” she said. “Tanky really got me through Covid. He is 15 pounds of furball love and emotional healing.

“To lose patients that I had grown close to and have them die in such a devastating way made me question everything,” she said. “But I began to see this work as my duty. It was a war. I wouldn’t let them die alone.”

The following interview has been edited and shortened.

Since you unexpectedly ended up in the ICU taking care of Covid patients during your first job as a nurse, have you ever regretted your decision to become a nurse?

No. I have never regretted doing this job or being here, even if it was terrifying. Anyway, I found my calling. I wasn’t afraid to be the person who saw someone die, or to be with them when they were. I was good at being there when they passed, and I was able to work under tremendous stress.

How did you find the strength to face your fears?

I had no choice. You can’t run away from this kind of work. I found my ability to be challenged and then I found the strength to stay. I didn’t have the luxury of leaving sick people behind, nor did I want to. There had to be someone. I knew it had to be me.

Once you were accepted into a nursing program, you realized you were one of the oldest attending. How was that?

I felt out of place. Almost everyone was 20, 25 year olds and followed soon after getting their first nursing degree. They were bubbles. I didn’t feel part of that excited buzz. But Gen Z is a welcoming bunch. They didn’t have the judgment that was in me. Once we broke into clinical groups, we became very close and dependent on each other. We shared many intense moments that gave me strength because we supported each other.

How did it feel when the younger students called you mama?

It was endearing. I watched them and made sure everyone was okay. I would bring food in case someone hadn’t eaten. I became the person they turned to when they were going through a difficult moment. I had experience from being a parent, something no one else had. And they made me feel like I mattered; that made me feel special. I also learned from them.

What has the nursing profession taught you?

I’ve never had a job that was so meaningful or made me feel like I was serving a purpose. Facing death made me realize that you can’t give up. Nursing taught me that life will be incredibly hard, and it will hurt, but you have to make the choice to keep fighting – that’s part of life. I’ve learned that I matter, and that I matter to people who die and want me by their side while they do it.

After 18 months of fighting to save Covid patients, you decided to switch to palliative care. Why?

I was burned out. I realized I had to move to a different part of nursing. On the ICU floor, I had been placed in custody. I wanted to help people control their deaths, rather than watch people die swaying and gasping. When we seemed out of the woods for Covid, I started helping the elderly and those with terminal illness decide how they wanted to die. I am now a hospice nurse case manager at Lourdes Hospice, an outpatient end-of-life home care provider, in Vestal, NY, where I deal with 20 to 30 families every week. And I am part of deeper discussions about the dignity of dying.

What did you learn about yourself when you learned to care for others?

I have a voice that carries wisdom. I have a special ability to listen and see people as I am present with them in those very difficult moments.

What is the best advice you can give?

When it comes to changing your life, sometimes you have to decide to change. Once you do that, almost anything is possible. Everything you do contributes to who you are now. Ironic, my yoga, acting and teaching training gave me the ability to stay grounded, present and in the moment. No part of your journey, even if you’re not sure what you’re doing, or where it will lead you, is ever wasted. You are never late; you’re just not there yet.