Insiders reveal how the Queen was so upset by Harry and Meghan's decision about Lilibet that she told aides: 'The only thing I own is my name. And now they've taken over: the royal row that troubled Her Majesty in the twilight of her reign

Many of the late queen's granddaughters and great-granddaughters have proudly been given Elizabeth as a middle name, in tribute to the family's beloved matriarch.

But Harry and Meghan took it a step further when they named their daughter Lilibet, the deeply personal term of endearment for the former monarch used only by her closest family and friends.

In fact, I understand that the Queen was so upset by the Sussexes' decision that she told aides: 'I don't own the palaces, I don't own the paintings, all I own is my name. And now they've taken that with them.'

In any case, Harry and Meghan would not have intended to cause her grief.

Barricaded in their Californian cocoon, covered in the cozy schmaltz of their new showbiz life, it simply wouldn't have occurred to the couple that such a gesture would be offensive.

But it appears that it did – as well-placed sources made clear to me and others at the time.

This week the row broke out again thanks to my colleague Robert Hardman's excellent – ​​and well-researched – new biography of King Charles III, published in the Daily Mail.

Hardman says a member of the late queen's staff told him she was “as angry as I'd ever seen her” after the Duke and Duchess publicly stated they wouldn't have used her private family nickname if she wasn't “supportive ' Has been.

They were responding to a story published not by one of the popular British newspapers that the Sussexes so openly despise, but by the BBC.

The national broadcaster's royal correspondent Jonny Dymond reported that a 'Palace source' had told him that the Queen had 'never been asked by Harry and Meghan' about the use of her childhood nickname.

Dymond said his source had “disputed” reports after the name announcement that Harry and Meghan had spoken to the Queen to obtain her blessing.

It's what many of us said in 2021, one way or another.

But the fact that the BBC – the world's largest public broadcaster – now declared it had added a whole new level of seriousness.

The Sussexes' spokesperson wasted no time in denouncing the report, insisting the Queen was the first family member Harry called with the joyful news of the birth of his long-awaited daughter.

He said that during their conversation, he “shared their hope to name their daughter Lilibet in her honor.” If she hadn't supported her, they wouldn't have used the name'.

They then used their favorite law firm, Schillings, to send a letter to the BBC and other media threatening action, suggesting that the report that the Queen had not been asked for consent was “false and defamatory and should not be repeated may be'.

It is striking that the BBC has not intervened.

There were further questions for the couple when it later emerged that they had registered Lilibet Diana as a 'domain name' on the internet before their daughter's birth and had apparently asked the Queen for permission.

To be honest, I wasn't told at the time that the Queen was 'angry'. That was a word I personally never used.

But what at least two sources made clear – reluctantly, I might add, since in the aftermath of their score-settling interview with Oprah, everyone at Buckingham Palace was treading on eggshells for fear of further hostilities with the Sussexes – was that the suggestion that they had done which sought the Queen's approval was a rather one-sided interpretation of what had actually happened.

As described to me, the then 95-year-old monarch was surprised when her grandson told her that he intended to name his daughter Lilibet in her honor, but she felt, given the circumstances, that she could not . say no.

You could describe it as being pushed into an impossible corner.

And that certainly makes sense when you now consider her comment about “palaces and paintings” which, like most of her jewelry, cars and even furniture, were never hers.

In most respects, she was simply its steward for future generations on behalf of the nation.

But her pet name, Lilibet, which stuck after she could never pronounce her own name correctly as a toddler, was hers – and hers alone.

In fact, until then it had only been used by her grandfather, her parents, her late husband and a handful of her closest friends and relatives.

As someone who had enjoyed a flawless career as an international stateswoman, the aging queen still seemed ready to bite her lip (in public, that is) – until she saw her name being weaponized by lawyers in a battle against the British public service. broadcaster.

And according to Robert Hardman, despite posting their well wishes on social media, Buckingham Palace flatly refused to be 'co-opted' into 'supporting' Harry and Meghan's version of events.

They firmly 'rejected' their requests to do so, which ultimately led to the Sussexes' threats of legal action quietly disappearing.

In reality, it's quite sad that a child's name continues to cause resentment. Little Lilibet doesn't deserve any of this.

But the fact that loyal aides are still talking about it even now shows that many regard the Sussexes' behavior towards the late queen in the waning days of her reign as misguided at best and inexcusable at worst.