West Ham fans who left the Arsenal game before half-time were heroes
Did you see those TV images when thousands of West Ham fans left the London Stadium before half-time with their side 4-0 down to Arsenal?
Were they ungrateful? Infidelity? Lovers of nice weather?
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No, not a little. They were heroes – every man, woman and child.
Paying to watch a match and then leaving to avoid traffic when the outcome is on the line, as some people always do, is completely baffling.
But when your team is guilty of a truly lousy performance, there is nothing more liberating for a football fan than to think, “I've had enough of this scum, I have better things to do with my life,” and simply get over it.
Had the fleeing Hammers fans forgotten the glory of winning a European trophy in Prague last summer? No, but they also spent a lot of time and money on it.
Yes, they could have stayed and abused the manager, the owner or even Ben Johnson – the poor right-back who played out of position on the left wing.
But top athletes are showoffs. They thrive on admiration. The best of them also tend to thrive on hostility when playing away from home.
So nothing sends a more powerful message than having them perform in front of thousands of empty seats.
That is exactly the sting of humiliation. And if it doesn't lead to a significantly better performance from West Ham's players at Nottingham Forest tomorrow, then something is seriously wrong.
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Okay, so Arsenal once threw away a 4-0 lead at Newcastle. I was there that day and in the meantime very few members of the Toon Army left.
If tens of thousands of people had held out, a miraculous comeback might have been less likely. But that's one in a million things.
Leaving early, especially REALLY early, is the most powerful weapon in a supporter's arsenal.
Fans of the team dishing out the humiliation should never resort to mocking “Is this a fire drill?” chants.
Instead, they should cheer on the opposition fans as a show of solidarity.
Coincidentally, my mate Dean and I had a pint the day before before watching our team Fulham – and reminiscing about the time we left after 37 minutes of a 5-0 home loss to Watford.
Our goalkeeper was sent off, the sub-goalkeeper came out in pajama bottoms and then scored Watford's third goal. It was a Friday night, it was freezing, and it was Dean's birthday.
So at that point we said, 'Do this for a game of soldiers', asked the steward to open the exit door and headed to the pub – with hundreds of others quickly following us.
Almost ten years later we are both season ticket holders and have indoctrinated our sons to follow Fulham too.
But the night we left after 37 minutes still holds good memories.
Supporting a football club is an elaborate scam.
You invest way too much into watching and worrying about a bunch of guys who would leave for a better offer and who couldn't possibly care about your club as much as you do, since you suffer from an incurable devotion as blind as religious faith.
Clubs will talk about the supporters being their “twelfth man” when they get behind the team.
So why can't we take credit for giving our team a rocket in the back by turning our backs on them?
Funnily enough, after that Watford debacle, Fulham won away at Leeds and beat Sheffield Wednesday 4-0 in the next home game.
I like to think it was all on us, leaving early.
That's almost certainly nonsense, but it makes me feel better that I've fallen for such a hoax for the last 43 years — and as long as I have left.
All this reminds me of a conversation some of us had with Franco Baldini, then number 2 to England manager Fabio Capello.
It was at a time when England were underperforming in major tournaments, and we discussed possible reasons. Baldini had a theory and he told an anecdote.
He had been at Villa Park on the day Newcastle were relegated from the Premier League with a limp 1-0 defeat on the final day, when a draw could have saved them.
Baldini recalled being shocked when away fans gave their players a heroic farewell after the final whistle in a display of mock 'defiance'.
If a major club in Italy had been relegated, Baldini argued, the players would be pelted with rotten tomatoes or face a full-scale riot.
These kinds of things, Baldini said, softened England players. There weren't enough consequences for failure.
Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong.
But those West Ham supporters would have liked to believe him as they poured out of the London Stadium last Sunday.
Heroes, one and all.
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SINCE the advent of VAR, decision-making has never been so confusing, controversial or time-consuming.
So a respectful tip of the clown's hat to those jokers on the International Football Association board for making it even more confusing by introducing a blue card trial for sin-bin players guilty of dissent or ' cynical transgressions'.
We look forward to VAR officials watching endless replays of a foul to decide whether it is clearly and distinctly 'reckless' (yellow card), 'cynical' (blue) or 'violent' (red).
Can cynicism ever be plain and obvious? Unless you happen to be a regular reader of this column.
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IF you haven't seen Jaden Philogene's midweek goal for Hull yet, Google it now.
He nutmegs his marker, leaves him on his backside and then executes a Rabona finish from a tight angle.
A small tap from a Rotherham man made it an own goal, but it has since been credited to Philogene in a commendable show of common sense.
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CONGRATULATIONS to Ben Stokes on winning his 100th Test cap.
In the forty years I've been watching, the all-rounder from Durham has possibly been England's greatest sportsman.
And since taking over as Test captain – several years after he should have done so – Stokes has become undoubtedly the most innovative and influential sportsman I have ever known.
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IF Dan Ashworth leaves Newcastle to become sporting director of Manchester United, don't be surprised if Gareth Southgate is seriously touted as a future manager at Old Trafford.
Erik ten Hag can survive if his team continues its recent revival, but if the Dutchman leaves, Southgate, a former ally of Ashworth at the FA, will be in the conversation.
Many fans may regard Southgate as inferior to United, but no managerial appointment would make the club more attractive to top English players than the most successful and popular Three Lions boss in half a century.
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RUBEN DIAS claims Manchester City are the team everyone loves to hate.
No mate, that's Liverpool.
Most people just shrug at the inevitability of City winning things.