My boyfriend is in a wheelchair and people mistake me for his caregiver. They’re talking directly to me instead of him, and it’s so insulting
One woman, whose boyfriend is a wheelchair user, said she is often mistaken for his caregiver.
Helen Hickling and her partner, Dave Eastham, both 29, from Manchester, met on Tinder in April 2018, since then Helen has been constantly mistaken for his carer by airport staff and in restaurants.
Dave uses a wheelchair after an accident in Thailand that left him paralyzed in June 2015. People are often surprised to hear that their relationship began after Dave’s paralysis.
However, the couple are hoping to put an end to the stigma of linked relationships, which sees them receiving ‘backhanded comments’.
Account manager Helen said: ‘Sometimes people who work can be mistaken or think I am a carer. At the airport, the staff will ask me what help Dave needs, rather than talking to him directly.
Helen Hickling, from Manchester, says she is often mistaken for her partner Dave Eastham’s carer
‘People talking to me instead of Dave is common. Even in restaurants they will ask me if he wants the chair to move out of the way or if he wants to sit on it, instead of asking him directly.
“It doesn’t bother me as much now because I know it’s not intentional, and I try my hardest not to answer him and either ask him the question again or ask him to contact him.
She added: ‘People seem to assume we were together before he broke his back, and when they hear we met when he was already a wheelchair user they tend to say ‘oh wow’ – as if it We are not supposed to meet and date someone in a wheelchair.
‘It used to bother me. I got annoyed because it’s rude, and it’s people judging a situation and assuming I’m his caregiver or he can’t speak for himself.
‘It’s an insult to both of us. It’s an insult to Dave if you don’t treat him like any other 29 year old man.
“And it’s insulting to me, assuming we’re not together or I have to speak on his behalf.”
met on Tinder in April 2018, since then Helen has been constantly regarded as his caretaker by airport staff and in restaurants
Dave uses a wheelchair after an accident in Thailand that left him paralyzed in June 2015
Dave pictured on a moped before the accident that left him paralyzed in Thailand in June 2015
Dave was photographed in Thailand before the accident that left him paralyzed
However, Dave said he is used to unintentionally rude comments from people and has learned to shake them off.
He added: ‘Over the years I have developed a tolerance for it, but it can be frustrating and debilitating because people only see the wheelchair and not the person in it.
“But because of the type of person I am, I just try to see the funny side of things and not let it affect me.”
Dave broke his back in a road accident in Thailand in June 2015, when he was hit by a car while on holiday with friends.
Although he now uses a wheelchair, the couple says theirs is no different than any other relationship.
Helen said: ‘We both have full-time jobs, we both contribute to the relationship. Because Dave is a wheelchair user, it means he can’t do certain things around the house, like helping change the bed linen or changing a light bulb, but I’m happy to do that.
‘He can cook, drive and do pretty much everything a healthy man can do – he just does it sitting down! Our relationship is not much different from any other relationship.”
Now the couple is looking to the future and growing their family, but due to Dave’s accident they will have to consider IVF.
Helen said: ‘As we got more serious and had been together for a while the conversation about family and babies came up, something we both want.
‘Due to Dave’s accident which left him paralysed, we had to go the IVF route to have a baby, something I knew would have to happen because Dave had mentioned it in passing after the first few dates.
The couple remains active together and wants to show other people what Dave can do. Pictured during a trip to Italy for a charity bike ride
Although he now uses a wheelchair, the couple says theirs is no different than any other relationship
The couple shares insights into their relationship on TikTok @daveandhelen, including how Dave can do things like drive, bike and ski
On their TikTok page, the couple encourages other people not to let disabilities affect their love
On his TikTok page, Dave often shows what it’s like to be in a wheelchair in his daily life
Now the couple is looking to the future and growing their family, but due to Dave’s accident they will have to consider IVF
IVF is something Helen knew would have to happen if they wanted to have children, as Dave had casually mentioned it after the first few dates
‘Unfortunately we were unsuccessful after three attempts, but we plan to try again in the future.’
The couple share insights into their relationship on TikTok @daveandhelen – including how Dave can do things like drive, cycle and ski – and encourage other people not to let disability affect their love.
Helen said: ‘Don’t think about it too much and just go for it. If you like someone for who they are, if you like their personality and values, don’t let their disability get in the way.
‘Most people with disabilities can deal with their disability independently, so that it does not affect the partner or the relationship.
‘And to be fair, there are some benefits too: we get great blue badge parking and can sometimes avoid queues.’