JENNI MURRAY: Sorry Lily Allen, but you CAN ‘have it all’ as a working mother – if you follow my one simple rule…

I really hope Lily Allen’s two daughters, now 12 and 10, don’t feel too guilty about their mother’s claim that they “totally ruined” her chance at pop stardom.

The 38-year-old singer stated this week that while she loves them and they “complete her,” the fact that she chose to prioritize them instead of her work caused her career to suffer.

Let’s think about that word “choose” for a moment. Yes, Lily, you have made the choice to become a full-time mother and relax from the demands of being an actress and singer after building a very successful career.

Now you’re telling the world that women “can’t have it all.” How incredibly sexist! Saying this certainly ignores the fact that, more often than not, there are two parents who have to care for a child.

It may be that Lily has taken on the stay-at-home role in her relationship, but it may not always be the mother’s fault.

My husband David and I made the decision to move to the country in 1993 when we had our sons, Ed and Charlie. In our case, we left London for Macclesfield in Cheshire so that our boys could go to a top-rated northern secondary school in Manchester and receive the kind of rigorous education we had both received at similar schools.

I remember with absolute clarity the day David approached the discussion about who should be the primary caregiver of our children. He had left the Navy and was helping run a business for some friends in London; I was the presenter of Woman’s Hour on Radio 4.

“How would you feel,” he asked, “if I became a full-time father? I think it’s important for children to have a parent at home, especially as they grow up. Obviously you’re not the one to give up work, so how about I do that?’

I Agreed. I loved my job. He wasn’t that enthusiastic about what he was doing. Because my job was based in London, I rented a cheap basement flat in Camden Town, which I called Wuthering Depths – all for laughs as I learned to cope with being away from the family I loved.

On Sunday evening I was taken to Macclesfield station at around 7pm, after offering all possible help with my English, French and History homework. David was in charge of math and science. I would say goodbye to them all and go to Euston, London.

On Thursday afternoon it was time to catch the train and go home. Some of my evenings in London were sad and lonely and I missed family. Other nights were spent at the theater or eating with friends. During the day I was completely absorbed in the work I loved.

Overall, I couldn’t have been happier. My boys were waiting for me at the station when I arrived around four o’clock on Thursday afternoon. For three days I devoted myself to parent-teacher meetings, visiting their friends, enjoying time at home, and then heading out again on Sunday evening. It never ceased to amaze me that so many people seemed shocked by my lifestyle.

Would they have asked how hard it was to be the breadwinner instead of the primary caregiver if I had been a man? Of course not.

Would anyone have frowned upon me spending so much time away from my children if I had been their father? No one would have said a word. It is not at all unusual for a man to travel a long distance from home and only spend the weekend with the children.

It didn’t all go smoothly for David either. He was as content with his lifestyle as the boys’ primary caregiver as I was with my role as provider, but it was clear from the often rather strange looks that many people found it strange that a man would choose to be full-time. -time father. Even my own father occasionally asked me when I thought David might get a job. He was surprised when I explained that he couldn’t do that because he had to take care of his grandsons.

I wish young women like Lily would stop acting like they were living in the early 20th century instead of the 21st century. Don’t they realize how insulting it is to those of us who have worked so hard to give them the right to work, independent resources and a family?

My mother was forced to quit her government job when she had me. She would have loved to have it all, but even when I was an independent teenager and she longed to make her own money, she said, “No, I can’t do that. People will think Dad can’t afford to keep us.’

Lily’s mother may have had a hard time when Lily’s father, the actor Keith Allen, left when Lily was just four. Like all single mothers, she would not have felt that it was a matter of ‘having it all’, but of ‘having to do it all’.

Lily has had two husbands. She lives in New York with her children and her new husband, Stranger Things actor David Harbour, whom she married in 2020. Surely they could share the burden of childcare to enable her to sing and act? You don’t have to blame the kids for ruining her career.

As for this often absent mother, I can only thank my husband and my two now adult sons for never making me feel like I was abandoning them. They often praised me for programs they heard on the radio. They were proud of the work I did and the reputation I had. Now, as grown men, they are successful, supportive, and love both of their parents. Yes, I ‘had it all’ – and why not?

Finally, scammer vet bills are coming under scrutiny

Finally, the Competition and Markets Authority is set to investigate the veterinary sector as millions of owners struggle to pay exorbitant fees.

In 2013, 89 percent of veterinary practices were privately owned.

Now more than half is owned by six corporate chains. Young vets have told me about the pressure to make more money. In my family practice, a new vet said how lucky he was to have found his job, where it’s the animal’s health that matters, not how much pet food or equipment he manages to sell.

I am grateful to my son, a veterinarian, for suggesting that I get a prescription and then purchase the drug online. Much cheaper.

When screenwriter James Graham admitted this weekend that he had visited Workaholics Anonymous UK (yes, that exists), I admit I was sceptical. Then I took the quiz myself. Yes, I take my work to bed, on weekends and on vacation. I get impatient with people for whom work is not a priority. I am a slave to my email and phone. I feel irritated if I don’t do anything. Conclusion? I’m a workaholic.

Just take a rest, honey? Never!

What now? The team behind Bristol University’s The Science Of Happiness course have discovered that we need to ‘work’ at being happy. But I know that a night out with friends, a walk in the park or lending a helping hand to a neighbor will make me happy. It’s a sad reflection on society if we have to learn that.

A joke about ‘the Wakefield generation’

We have known for some time that measles spreads among children who have not been vaccinated. The NHS is now targeting young adults known as the Wakefield generation: 900,000 19 to 25 year olds are at risk because their parents feared Andrew Wakefield’s false link between MMR and autism.

Get the shot, big kids. Measles or mumps in your 20s won’t be much fun.