Relationship therapist tells Steven Bartlett the best age to get married if you don’t want a divorce in The Diary of a CEO podcast

A relationship therapist has revealed the best age to get married if you don’t want a divorce.

Los Angeles-based psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb appeared on Dragons’ Den star Steven Bartlett’s The Diary of a CEO podcast to discuss relationships, dating and heartbreak.

The author of the New York Times bestseller Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, quotes a study by the Institute for Family Studies which stated that there is an optimal age for marriage to statistically prevent divorce.

The research shows that the best time to get married is around the age of 25 to 30. ‘Someone who marries at the age of 25 has more than 50 percent less chance of divorce than someone who marries at the age of 20.’

The psychotherapist explained: ‘It is clear that you marry too young, that you do not have the skills and that you are not strong in your own life, that you do not necessarily have the maturity.

“But once you reach your mid-to-late 20s, this is an optimal time because you get a better sense of who you are. You know better what you want and you can grow together as a couple.’

She continued, “You’re going to have more shared experiences and you’re going to know more about each other. Your parents are probably still alive on both sides, you can get to know siblings, more integrated into each other’s lives.”

The study also found that each additional year before age 32 reduces the risk of divorce by 11 percent. After that, however, the chance of divorce increases by 5 percent per year.

Lori explained, “As you get older, you are more set in your behavior, you are more rigid, you have different expectations, and when you are younger you are more flexible. As we get older, we become less open-minded when it comes to relationships.

“We also have a history as we get older, we have more negative experiences that we may have broken up with. Relationships that don’t work out then determine the way we behave in other relationships.

She continued: ‘We’re punishing our current partner for a crime they didn’t commit, so if you were in a relationship before and someone didn’t treat you right, you have less trust in the partner you’re with.

“Some people think ‘if I have more dating experience then I’ll be a better partner later,’ but it’s harder because you have all this baggage and the other person your age has all this baggage that he or she brings with them. ‘

Elsewhere, Lori revealed that people are increasingly setting unreal expectations when looking for a partner.

The psychotherapist appeared on Dragons’ Den star Steven Bartlett’s (pictured) The Diary of a CEO podcast to discuss relationships, dating and heartbreak

The psychotherapist said most people give up after one date because they “didn’t feel an initial spark,” but she revealed that most people in long-term relationships didn’t feel a spark on the first date either.

She said: ‘It’s really interesting that people use the first date as a guide, while people who are in love and attracted to each other, often didn’t feel those sparks on the first, two or three dates, maybe they were even friends for a while.

‘People don’t give each other the chance to get to know the other person or for the other person to get to know you, because thanks to dating apps they have the innuendo that there are so many more people.

“If you keep juggling people, you’ll never get to know someone and know if that person is someone you want to be with.

‘The question you ask yourself at the end of a first date should be ‘did I have a good time’, if the answer is yes then go on a second date, it doesn’t have to be life changing, just see what happens the second time.”

The author added that relationship expectations are different for both men and women.

She said: ‘I think expectations for men are built mainly around their appearance, for the younger generation mainly because they grow up with these ‘thirst traps’ posted on filtered social media. So when they see people in real life, they have really unrealistic expectations.”